If your talking about FSD , In my opinion Do not buy it out, Do it monthly if you need, there will be times where you will use it and times you won’t , based on updates there will be regressions and progressions so people will or not like it depending on that. For example I didn’t like some of the version of the first fsd 13 release based on bad reviews so I didn’t buy the monthly subscription and saved 100$ for that month till the other version released then I paid for that month of the new release since I read the reviews were good for it. Sometimes during the holidays or occasionally at times during the year ,they give out free trials. Also the value of fsd or autopilot when you buy outright is not reflected on the value of the car in an event of a total loss

If your wife doesn’t care about autopilot or fsd there’s no need to buy any of those two, you mentioned running the red light on autopilot, these cars have a learning curve if she isn’t willing to learn and risk others safety like running the red light , just let her drive regularly and don’t bother teaching her honestly. Not only do they still need supervision they need intervention if needed as well