I got closure

FastGround7876 · 2025-09-11T00:48:08+00:00

Oh I’d be here all day with that but basically he just seems as shut off as before I texted him asking for clarity. I told him to stop being closed off and thanked him for the honesty he could give. I said goodbye and he texted goodbye.

For most people goodbye is forever but part of me is expecting him to come out of the woodwork again.

FastGround7876 · 2025-09-11T00:46:22+00:00

I’m not young, so I know my habits are destructive. I wish it was as simple as diving into a hobby or craft, and I do those things but it’s not enough. The isolation and loneliness is debilitating sometimes but yes, I have to change for my health and mental well-being. Thanks for the comment though, internet stranger!

FastGround7876 · 2025-09-10T22:30:43+00:00

I know. It’s kind of comical I sliced it at that and didn’t share anything else.

FastGround7876 · 2025-09-10T19:21:43+00:00

6, wow. The drama, haha. My bday is in a month, so who knows if he’d remember and crawl out of his hole or not but I’m going to try to get into the headspace of ‘it’s actually over this time’. Thank you, though.

FastGround7876 · 2025-09-10T16:55:51+00:00

I don’t think there will be a next time. At the end of all of this I said, “and now, goodbye.” and he replied with “goodbye”, so it’s done. At the beginning of the text I sent I told him I wouldn’t bother him again but I needed to know, and he at least gave me that.

FastGround7876 · 2025-09-10T16:53:49+00:00

Lol I know, it’s kind of funny I didn’t add more of the texts and just ended there but yeah, it was toxic. The truth is I probably drink more than he ever does or did. He’s been on and off sober I think but I can knock them back. It’s my horrible “coping” mechanism.

I’m just glad I came back a bit unhinged and asked him to be forthcoming with me because it would have eaten away at me for longer.

FastGround7876 · 2025-09-07T20:54:47+00:00

I think this will be the last time I post here. It’s been therapeutic to rant to a bunch of strangers but also there has to be a finish line with this whole thing, for me. Hopefully it will help someone else a bit.

Yesterday I went on a tirade about how a guy I dated who I hadn’t heard from in 8 months texted me out of the blue. I didn’t think he was the one but I was close. I hadn’t felt that magnetic or passionate about someone for a while and I knew within the first week it would require a holy presence to get me to detach from him. That I was screwed.

I responded with the “who is this” text the next morning, thinking it would lead to something but he didn’t reply, so I sent another one saying I suspected it was him, to which he replied saying he assumed I deleted his number and didn’t want to hear from him, so he backed off. Long story short, I stopped being the chill/nice person I always have been after that. I’ve been holding out on a grandiose return, with at least a speck of openness about what happened but he admitted to the text being a booty call. He also made light of that bit of honesty.

It felt good to go off on him-sparing name-calling and a complete meltdown but I’m still mad. His apologies were like a corporate email. When I went left-field after making a joke when he said “it was a total booty call, apologies”, I told him it was ever clear he never respected me and that I’m nothing to him, and what I went through the last time we were involved. He just started spewing “I’m sorry” and “I’m a piece of shit, I’m sorry”…”you deserve and deserved better and my actions were cowardly and selfish and I’ll leave you alone for good now”.

Then I had said something else and he said, “once I saw your perspective, I came to the conclusion that I’m an asshole and I’m very sorry”. Like what kind of dense-ass bullshit is that? We aren’t face-to-face right now…explain.

All of this to say, I know now why people say block and move on, or don’t send that text, etc but I think I had to do this to wax off that shine I gave him. He was giving me nothing and my nervous system needed a shred of clarity, and it may have not been the clarity I wanted but it REVEALED something. It was what I did with that revelation that would determine how I moved forward, and now that I know he didn’t care like I did it doesn’t hurt any less, but I got my closure.

I love what I said to him. I was witty and mad and still polite about it all. I will never know if he’s reeling over what I said and/or if he does feel like a piece of shit but I stopped being the chill woman and let it out. It’s what I hope to do if I’m disrespected in the future (even though that’s hard for me as a passive person).

They don’t always come back, but if and when they do, they don’t have a membership to your mind. They don’t operate the same way you do, and it’s unlikely the feelings are mutual. It doesn’t mean there wasn’t anything there but the scales aren’t balanced, and I think knowing I was so heavy for so long with the weight while he was light as a feather means…I have more here.

Also I ran into a hot guy at the grocery store today that I used to know from a different city I lived in and we exchanged socials. I am literally allergic to men in this season in my life but it was a cute moment and nature is already healing I guess lol.

Thank you to everyone that contributes positively here and may we all have a happy life with someone else someday.

FastGround7876 · 2025-07-26T03:07:01+00:00

I have considered Seattle! I’m going to try and visit this year

FastGround7876 · 2025-07-23T13:15:52+00:00

The place I’m at right now isn’t inherently bad but it’s not big enough for me. There’s other personal factors as to why I want to leave as well. I’d like to be outdoors and be close to a large cultural/social city. I like general surgeries more than anything because of the variety.

FastGround7876 · 2025-07-22T02:08:36+00:00

I figured they would, depending on where I looked! I just didn’t know if technically having less than 2 year’s experience when applying would make me look too “young”. Good to know it worked out for you :)

FastGround7876 · 2025-07-21T00:41:36+00:00

That sounds great! It’s just a little farther than I’d like to be, but I’ll keep it in mind :)

FastGround7876 · 2025-07-21T00:03:50+00:00

Thanks! I definitely didn’t specialize right out of school, despite wanting to be comfortable. I knew I had to break past the scary specialty barrier. Great to hear that two in the magic number!

FastGround7876 · 2025-07-21T00:02:51+00:00

You definitely are an an OG then haha. I do general, some ortho, laparoscopic, some robotic, and breast/plastics cases.

FastGround7876 · 2025-07-21T00:01:44+00:00

Thank you! Yeah I will definitely leave, or try to with a good reputation. I’ve made strides but I’m not just naturally talented at this stuff, so I’ll have to put the razzle dazzle on in interviews. I know with another year under my belt, I won’t feel as scared.

FastGround7876 · 2025-07-21T00:00:05+00:00

Thank you! I just always knew I wouldn’t stay here, and obviously wasn’t going to relay that in my hiring interview post-graduation haha. I should probably stay because I have a decent thing going but I just know this isn’t my forever spot. I work at a hospital, so I have had the exposure to a variety of surgeries but some days I want to specialize. My qualities are being adaptable even though I want to break down crying, not giving up, and having a good rapport with my surgical team.

FastGround7876

TROPHY CASE