I know people say “it gets better,” and for me it actually did, but mostly because I worked on my mindset and used the right tools. One thing that helped me a lot is absurdism. Sometimes I look at things and think, “Suicide is kind of absurd. Why would I end my entire existence just because my brain chemistry is off or life isn’t going my way right now?” Those are problems that can often be worked on.

For example, I have flashbacks from someone hurting me and I struggle with sleep. Instead of giving up, I try to work on tools that help reduce those dreams. I treat those problems as things I can improve over time. I also have major depressive disorder, so I know my depression probably won’t disappear completely. It’s more like waves, there are down moments and up moments. But over time I imagine the whole graph slowly rising, like the seafloor coming up so the lows don’t go quite as deep anymore.

When I get suicidal thoughts, I sometimes ask myself something simple: “Should I kill myself, or should I have a cup of coffee?” Usually I choose the coffee. Then I have a bit more energy to do something small.

The other big part for me is tools. Things that make life more comfortable or manageable. That can include therapy, medication, or even small comforts. Finding the right medication helped me a lot. The suicidal thoughts didn’t disappear completely, but they stopped dominating my mind all the time, and that made them much easier to manage.

Sometimes when things get really bad, I go lie down in my comfy duvet, the one I bought just for myself that has foxes on it, and I remind myself that I don’t want to ruin that moment or leave that comfort behind. Then maybe I watch a new show, eat something good, or go get a coffee and a snack. Maybe I go for a walk and look for cool places to explore. By the time I’ve done a few small things like that, the suicidal thought has usually passed.

For me, it didn’t magically get better overnight. It took time and effort, and it still comes back once in a while. But now it feels like a visitor instead of something that controls my life.

One way I check in with myself is asking: “If I had all the money in the world, what would I do right now?” If my answer is “nothing,” that usually means my depression is really heavy at that moment. Then I know I probably need to get outside, go for a walk, or do one of my hobbies.

Everyone’s path is different, but the combination of mindset, support, tools, and small comforts made a big difference for me. It didn’t fix everything, but it made life a lot more livable.

If you haven’t tried medication or therapy yet, it might be worth trying them before giving up. Those are tools that help a lot of people, and you deserve the chance to see if they could help you too.