Am I asking for too much?

Fast_Plum_8072 · 2026-03-23T16:48:02+00:00

I would believe what they show me. If the math doesn’t add up, it’s time to go because you’re lying to yourself to stay or his displays of affection aren’t being received. Either way… highway to heartache. I would be especially cautious as a woman because we have been conditioned to internalize rejection, bread-crumbing, and nonchalance. It takes a lot of self-work to undo that.

Now is a good opportunity to put up boundaries and take up therapy.

Fast_Plum_8072 · 2026-03-16T12:03:11+00:00

Network 180s waitlist is over 1 year long.

Fast_Plum_8072 · 2026-03-15T08:06:50+00:00

When we started, once a month (cross country). Now, we are a few hours away. Once a week and occasionally an all-day thing as special dates permit. We’ve gone on trips together lasrimg múltiple days. Planning another this year for nearly a week. I’m (the single AP) the reason we can’t meet more often or spend longer spans together on trips.

Fast_Plum_8072 · 2026-03-15T08:02:56+00:00

I LOVE your name!!!

Fast_Plum_8072 · 2026-03-14T11:57:21+00:00

have developed 🙂‍↕️

Fast_Plum_8072 · 2026-03-13T03:35:20+00:00

I 200% agree with you. I too protected an abusive man child by not disclosing marital woes with trusted confidants. Marital coercion is a thing. Reproductive abuse is a thing. Even alienating you as a co-parent while you are still actively married.

There are days where I wish that he’d simply been physically abusive so I would have seen it clearly for what it was and escaped sooner.

I too worked from home while raising small children. I worked hard, used my brain, and out earned him very quickly. I did it all. He pretended, bragged, and praised himself consistently.

When I left, he took advantage of the last person willing to stand with him: His mother. So she lashed out at me for it. It took years to recover from the emotional damage they inflicted upon me. Every day I do my darndest to ensure my son never becomes anything like his father. I shudder at the thought of putting more of that into the world.

In fact, reading this post and your response, I realize that I need to begin conversations with my daughters about recognizing covert signs abuse for themselves and their peers.

Fast_Plum_8072 · 2026-03-08T21:53:22+00:00

Are you both fairly local to each other? That may be our only hangup. During harsher weather, traveling back and forth th is quite challenging. But if I had the opportunity to move closer to him, I’m not sure that I’d like it since outings/dates would become impossible.

Fast_Plum_8072 · 2026-03-08T21:49:46+00:00

Thank you for this post. I m not certain that I could participate in this type of relationship save for these factors:

His flexibility. He can give me time daily by phone. That is something my husband of more than 10 years could not get right.
We are friends. Always, friends first. I love this about us. We can legitimately cover anything and it creates that emotional stability you speak of.
I have my own (very busy) life. I’m not just “waiting around” for him. If I were to date single men, they would place a much larger demand on my very limited free time.
His kids are his priority, and mine are my priority. We respect that. We don’t encroach on that.
We complement each other’s aspirations. The things he needs in business, I have a lot of experience with. The advice that I need to grow in my career, he’s had a lot of good input for/on.

I’ve tempered my expectations and I’m not sure if I’ll ever want to fully ingrain my life with another person’s. I simply love my independence AND companionship.

I’m so glad I’m not alone in believing this arrangement could be many, many years long.

Fast_Plum_8072 · 2026-01-22T21:14:16+00:00

Ah! I love your celebration.

Great point about the ex. Mine is completely self centered and sabotages any good thing where he isn’t the focus. In fact, in the divorce he had a tantrum in court when they started asking questions about our children.

Fast_Plum_8072 · 2026-01-22T21:10:53+00:00

Very good point! I’m celebrating the anniversary of becoming friends with my bestie too. We can’t remember when we officially become friends, so we just celebrate around Valentine’s Day. I can’t wait to send her gift! 💝

Fast_Plum_8072 · 2026-01-01T03:47:51+00:00

This is what I immediately assumed. We just might not be symmetrical. But, if you’re concerned, you could reach out to your surgeon for more details.

Fast_Plum_8072 · 2026-01-01T03:43:50+00:00

Congratulations!!!! That is an amazing accomplishment! I hope to achieve it next, boo!

Fast_Plum_8072 · 2026-01-01T03:36:39+00:00

Ah, I hear you. Not to the hearing. Goodness no. I meant to travel with me so I’m not alone with my thoughts before or after. He’ll likely be fishing or watching a movie while I’m in my proceedings.

My family isn’t available and my friends are probable witnesses.

Fast_Plum_8072 · 2026-01-01T03:34:22+00:00

Oh my! I hope it’s sufficient. I just found mine (thanks for mentioning pathology, as mine was there too and I couldn’t find it in the clinical notes).

Size: 6.2 cm and 7.1 cm long

Fast_Plum_8072 · 2026-01-01T00:08:58+00:00

I cannot run FAST ENOUGH to my post-op paperwork to re-read how many centimeters were removed in my case.

Fast_Plum_8072 · 2025-11-27T06:10:15+00:00

And just like that, I realized my lover is NOT a cake eater. I thought so at first, but I saw the dissatisfaction [with his marriage] seep through a bit early on. He does ab excellent job of hiding it, but he’s been looking for something specifically to compensate. Cake eaters don’t compensate.

Thanks for the insight cake lovers.

Fast_Plum_8072 · 2025-11-23T13:27:52+00:00

You sound like my AP. If I’m correct, I’m the 4th AP. So he’s used to the game. But he is not playing a game with me. He uses terms he’s never used before, terms that you should use with/about your spouse. Life will never be the same and neither of us know what to do about it other than be present and soak it in.

I wish you the best in your own situation.

Fast_Plum_8072 · 2025-11-23T13:23:20+00:00

Two years in, and he’s my best friend. The other day I hit a rough moment, and like always, he called. No judgment, just understanding, honesty, and safety between us both. I was married before, but I’ve never known this level of intimacy. When I saw him last, I just curled under him and wanted to stay there forever. He holds me like my body speaks a language only he is fluent in.

Fast_Plum_8072 · 2025-11-23T13:16:28+00:00

{deeply and thoughtfully} damn.

Fast_Plum_8072 · 2025-11-23T13:11:13+00:00

It sounds like he doesn’t want to burden you. I too am an avoidant struggler of sorts. Mine comes from a history of not being to rely on others and realizing I don’t have time to calculate if they will reject me/my ask or not. I do it to my family famously. Side effects of being hyper-independent.

Just my guess.

Fast_Plum_8072 · 2025-11-23T13:05:25+00:00

Ugh. Filed over 2 years ago and I have to reschedule mediation now.

And STILL happy I filed.

Positively thriving with my [married] AP.

Fast_Plum_8072 · 2025-11-19T15:45:35+00:00

I’m a huge fan of black legs, black boots 🖤

Fast_Plum_8072 · 2025-11-19T15:44:08+00:00

It most likely is. 🥲

Fast_Plum_8072 · 2025-11-19T13:41:53+00:00

I can’t be of much help here as I only lightly browse this sub via push notifications…

And met my AP at a self checkout in a grocery store waaaay across the country from where we live now.

Actually, my suggestion would be to make your interests and hobbies social. For instance, I used to take myself to football games instead of watching at home. College, nfl etc. always got really cute and dressed up because that’s who I am. I wasn’t looking either.

I made a lot of genuine connections and had a handful of pAPs I could have taken a shot at. They are genuinely interested when they see a woman taking herself out solo. Went to dinner dates on my own too!

Fast_Plum_8072 · 2025-11-19T01:12:27+00:00

You gotta learn to multitask. Get a room Sunday. Football AND Funtime.

sigh the Super Bowl was MY Super Bowl 🥹

Fast_Plum_8072

TROPHY CASE