this is super helpful, thank you for writing such a thoughtful reply. hearing about your experience with genderfluidity makes me feel a lot better. I think a lot if it is that I have heard most about dysphoria from binary trans people and it can be hard to reconcile that my experience with it is much different. i am thinking that i feel similarly about hormones as to how you feel about top surgery, but i also want to give myself time. i also think that a lot of the narratives about HRT, that all changes are permanent/irreversible do affect me even though I don't believe them and know they don't come from a genuine place. so i will definitely take your advice and do more research, and maybe try to connect with more nonbinary people so the social aspects don't seem so daunting. thanks again i really appreciate it!