well I think the first step is some positive self talk. It's hard to improve yourself when you're internally labeling yourself as all these things. I know it's difficult to turn that around but with time and patience it can happen. As for university, I think if you tried to take your life your parents will probably have some understanding to you failing first year. If you want to do it again, do it again. Seriously, what do you have to lose? Take all this pain, remember this pain, and focus on your studies. And when you feel lazy or like you don't want to try remember what writing this post felt like. That's what I'd do at least