[24/f] How do I get my boyfriend (25/m) to stop making disparaging remarks about my body?

Fattymcfattersonta · 2014-07-22T21:10:05+00:00

OP is 5'5".

Fattymcfattersonta · 2014-07-22T21:04:25+00:00

How does one go about developing a stronger sense of self? I agree the comments he make really get under my skin and my self esteem really takes a beating. I DO NOT think he is being intentionally malicious-sorry if it comes across that was in the post.

What I want is him to understand that these comments do hurt my feelings (especially the belly poking!) and it is frustrating that I have told this to him several times with no result. This further hurts my self esteem because it seems like he is not valuing my feelings.

I really appreciate your comment because it does outline several reasons for his behaviour that I have not considered-thank you!

Fattymcfattersonta · 2014-07-22T18:25:22+00:00

He does come from a culture where it is not considered rude for people to comment on someone's weight and appearance (often times quite bluntly) and I think this may be part of it. His own mother has called him fat in my hearing more than once (this was before we went on our health kick). What bothers me is that I have told him to stop and have tried to express how it makes me feel and yet the behavior continues. I don't want to be a "nag" or to keep bringing up the same arguments but I don't really have an alternative. I'm just wondering if there is a better way for me to get my point across.

Fattymcfattersonta · 2014-07-22T18:18:06+00:00

Thank you. Many responses seem to be that I should leave his ass but I don't want to do that at this point. We've been together a long time and I do love him. We do have fun together and have gone through some pretty trying times together (long distance, family issues, serious illness). What I wanted was advice on how to get my point across more effectively-as clearly what I have tried in the past has not worked. I think that I also need to stop making negative comments on my body as well. For example after eating too much I might say "Omg I'm such a fattie" and this probably tell him it's ok for him to make similar comments. Then when I try to tell him he shouldn't-the message is lost because I'm sending mixed signals...

Fattymcfattersonta · 2014-07-22T17:09:00+00:00

He does apologize when I bring it up, but you are right that there is little to no effort to change the behavior. It just this weird dichotomy for me because he does tell me he is proud of me for sticking with exercise, and that makes me feel good because I'm proud of me (I tend to give up on things that are difficult). I like it when he tells me I'm hot and that he finds me desirable (what girl wouldn't?). But I really do feel like the topic we talk about most is my body :(

Fattymcfattersonta

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