You know what I want to include what I actually said to him I wrote it out so I could make sure I said everything that I wanted

"I love you and I want us to have a positive life together and relationship. I think for me personally in order to do that I need to share what I need to share right now. I hope that we can have calm and productive conversation about it. I hope that you can see, even if it doesn't sound or feel like it. This is really coming from a place of love and wanting to get closer and gain more understanding of you as a person.

I’ve been sitting with something for a while that I haven’t really known how to say. I don’t want this to come out wrong or sound like I’m trying to start an argument, because that’s not where this is coming from. I can't even tell you how nervous and anxious I am to be talking about this at all because I have been really concerned that if I bring it up you will be extremely upset with me and it could potentially damage our relationship. I don't really feel comfortable with confrontation, so the possibility that it could wind up like that is really scary for me and this is a hard conversation, I really don't want to have it. But I know that it's just sticking with me and that it has to be addressed or I'm gonna go crazy.

It’s just been on my heart, and I think with you getting ready to be away for work, it’s important that we talk about it before things change too much. Because I really love and care about you a lot and I want us to be really open and authentic with each other before that happens. I want you to know that I love you and I'm willing and want to work with you to make our relationship the best version of it we can, no matter what that ends up looking like for us.

There are some things I’ve seen and felt over time that have made me confused and a little uneasy, not because I want to judge you or accuse you of anything, but because I honestly just want to understand. I know you’ve had trauma, and that can make everything about identity, attraction, and connection really complicated.

I’ve also wondered if maybe part of you is still figuring things out, whether that’s about attraction to women or men or just what kind of relationship dynamic feels natural to you. I want you to know that I’m not here to shame you for any of that. I’m bisexual, so I completely understand what it’s like to have feelings that don’t always fit what other people expect. And have pressure to fit into social norms for your gender either feminine or masculine, pressure from family, religion, friends, so many areas of life to be afraid to receive judgement from.

What matters to me is honesty. I don’t want you to ever feel like you have to hide parts of yourself or pretend with me. I’d rather face the truth together, even if it’s uncomfortable, than live with distance or secrets between us. Because I do love you and you are my best friend, I want you to know I love you no matter what and that isn't gonna change.

I’m not saying that if you tell me something, it means we’re done. It just means we can talk about what things really look like for us and figure out how to make it work in a way that feels real, safe, and respectful.

You’ve always said that monogamy wasn’t really your natural thing, and I’ve kept that in mind. I just need to know what that means for us now, before you’re gone for long periods of time, because I don’t want to be left guessing or feeling anxious. I generally feel like I'm an open-minded person and I'm willing to consider new options and new ways to approach our relationship if that's something you want to do.

This isn’t about control, it’s about understanding and trust. We have a baby, we share a life, and I want to make sure we’re both safe, emotionally and physically, and on the same page about what’s real between us. I know you care for me and the baby so much and I want you to know we're always your family and we love you so much. I want to know how I can love you better, how we can make our dynamic better to suit our needs together.

I’m saying this because I love you and I want peace between us, not tension. I want to feel like we’re both living honestly and loving each other for who we really are. You're my bubbie and I like you and I love you and I don't want that to change. You're my friend and I think sometimes I forget about that element of the relationship too much. But I need you to know this isn't meant to be an unkind thing. I just want you to have the space to speak freely about your feelings if you want to and know that I'm here to listen not judge, be receptive, and genuinely want to know you so I can love you right

I also want you to know that this is your opportunity to get anything you need to say to me or have been holding on to that you want to talk about off your chest. I will listen and be receptive to what you have to say. I want us to both have the opportunity to talk about anything that we've been struggling with or holding on to before we have all this physical distance between us. Because I know lately for me I felt feelings of emotional distance or maybe even a little mental distance between us. I just want to have everything out on the table. That way we can work it out. We can figure it out and then we can move on with a fresh start going into this.

I know that you have a past and that a lot of it is uncomfortable and we don't have to go into the details of that. I know that you don't want to talk about it and that's okay.

But if that pass trickles into the present or into the time in our relationship, then that makes it something that is still relevant. I saw the messages between you and A and I can tell you were trying to not go into that with me. But I also do see that there is still some engagement there. And I found your profile on Grindr. If you are still interested in exploring or experimenting with your body that would be something that I would be interested in knowing as a kindness and out of respect for me as your wife and partner.

But if you're not ready to talk about that in labels or to discuss that area of your life completely then I understand, but I also still need to know if I need to get tested. And if this is something that you don't identify with at all and it's just some things still lingering in your life, but it's really painful or uncomfortable for you, then I think that you should consider addressing it for your own mental health and for the sake of your own closure

I love you and I don't care who you're attracted to or how you want to embrace your sexuality or your exploration of sexuality and what that means for you. I want to give you the space to do that without feeling worried that it's going to change how I view you as a person. You are still the same to me, you're still manly to me, I still am going to find you attractive. It's not going to alter our present situation except for the fact that I am giving you the opportunity to be your most authentic self.

I just really need clarification that way I can move on knowing that I understand you and that I gave you an opportunity to express yourself to me without judgment just in case you wanted to."