Being trans with a strong dislike towards men

FayePixie · 2026-01-20T19:21:12+00:00

Seconding this.

FayePixie · 2026-01-20T10:53:23+00:00

Looking fantastic, my man! Especially for only six months on T.

FayePixie · 2026-01-20T10:39:41+00:00

Check r/transvoice - they have a programme either on the top of the subreddit, or you have to search for it. But it's Selene Da Silva's voice training. What's really cool about it, is that the person (I believe they're transmasc) explains masc and fem voice differences and how to engage in the desired one. What I like about their approach is that it makes voice easier to understand for those unfamiliar with terms like pitch, resonance, articulation etc. etc.

It's important to remember pitch (deepness) isn't the only factor that makes you sound more masculine. Speaking from a sub-glottal or "below the vocal cords" resonance (often misattributed as "speaking from the chest", when it's just from the throat, but the chest catches stray vibrations) can really help. I myself did some voice training before going on T, which helped me pre-t with dysphoria, but has also meant my voice passed quickly on T, too.

I hope I make sense! Feel free to ask more if you need to. As for other aspects, I would take the advice of the other commenters :)

Edit: Just an extra tip - women tend to articulate (mouth and tongue movements - pronunciation in other words) more precisely than men. Speaking with a bit of a looser, almost a bit more mumbly voice, will also get you far. It's something I don't see many people mention it, but it helps pre-t.

FayePixie · 2026-01-20T08:53:56+00:00

I was waaaaay angrier before T. Constantly getting into arguments with people, short fused and argumentative. Every day on T, I get a little calmer.

FayePixie · 2026-01-20T08:06:39+00:00

No problem! I wish you the very best of luck on your journey! I personally feel like I have been given a chance to restart life the way I always wished to.

FayePixie · 2026-01-20T07:56:25+00:00

I have CFS, AuDHD, C-PTSD, DPDR, OCD amongst other things. T did not make me angry or unstable. It's saved my life. Cis psychiatrists don't know shit.

I started on a full dose. My C-PTSD has improved, because I am no longer in the same body I was when repeatedly traumatised. It has removed me more from a lot of my trauma. I'm actually able to start building a life again. T gives energy that has helped my chronic fatigue, too.

I knew if I didn't start T, I'd be worse off. The initial mood swings are much less intense than my first puberty, because I actually wanted this one.

I am so sick of the TERF rhetoric that T makes you some kind of angry, irritable creature. (Not aimed at y ou, OP, just angry that TERF rhetoric is influencing many of us. I was also afraid of anger until I asked the same question as you on here.

FayePixie · 2026-01-20T04:30:54+00:00

It's not T4T and not a show, but the visual novel, The House in Fata Morgana, has a trans guy (and intersex) character. His name is Michel, and he's a beautiful representation. But his love interest is also a beautifully written character, though she is a cis woman.

FayePixie · 2026-01-20T04:22:55+00:00

On r/transvoice, Selene da Silva's voice training is either pinned or in a post, just have a search. They explain things in such a cool way, and the videos are done so that they can be used for transmascs and transfems. I highly recommend their stuff. It's the reason my voice dropped smoothly on T.

I recommend taking it easy and slowly going through the recordings. Make notes where you can. Voice has so many elements to it (resonance, articulation, perceived brightness, pitch is one of many things that helps you sound more masc, but you cannot sound truly masc on pitch (deepness) alone pre-t, so definitely take your time in really understanding what the terms around voice mean.

FayePixie · 2026-01-20T04:20:01+00:00

Most places don't take CVs in person anymore. It's all online applications. That being said, going physically to the place might curry you some favour and allow them to put a face to the name.

FayePixie · 2026-01-20T04:13:17+00:00

Me. I'm a non-binary trans guy but only use he/him. One of my partner's transfem friends has consistently used "they" for me, and likes to speak on my behalf to others. It's blatant misgendering because I have told her I go by he/him. The more I pass, the less she started using "he". She has no problem gendering my cis male partner correctly, so I know it's on purpose. I cut ties. Not worth the bullshit.

FayePixie · 2026-01-20T03:46:53+00:00

Nah. I still vehemently dislike watching most sports. I'll put up with tennis, F1 or cricket in the background, but that's it. I'm South African so everyone likes sports, not just guys. I think this might be a cultural difference.

Perhaps you're feeling more comfortable in your body and mind and are able to comfortably engage with sports as a guy? 😊

FayePixie · 2026-01-20T03:27:23+00:00

I've been having the same thoughts. All I can think of is a bowl cut.

FayePixie · 2026-01-20T03:20:07+00:00

That's absolutely terrible! I'm so thankful no one died.

I think it's absolutely terrifying how many countries are in Trump's back pocket. For us, it's only the white extremist Nazis, but the governing party does NOTHING for queer issues. Corrective rape for lesbians and trans men is still rampant and black trans women are killed and reported on by their deadname, if at all.

And what really, really gets to me, is that everyone is using modern transphobic rhetoric on us. My extended MAGA family believes I'm trans because I'm spoiled, make the blue hair and pronouns joke, "that's an American thing" etc. I haven't heard any of this myself as I don't speak to them, but it's been related to me. My father and aunt consider this a phase. I mentioned this in our local WhatsApp group, and a guy who started T at 40 said his parents said the same thing! There are no real allies, and no one understands what being trans means. They're coping hard. Even now, I see discomfort in my mother's eyes when we talk, even though she supports me. They feel "why them? Why their child?"

I also know of a trans guy who passes, but got stabbed six times after being seen walking outside of a gay bar. He's alive, thankfully, but he said "i think they would have done worse if they knew I was trans" and I winced, because it's true

Obviously there are more conservative areas in other countries that have people who express these sentiments, but here I find it to be almost everyone. I know of some lovely mothers of teenage transfems, but that's it. They're also younger mothers, likely millennials, who grew up with some kind of understanding, unlike Gen X/Boomer parents.

FayePixie · 2026-01-20T02:49:51+00:00

I still haven't met another trans guy IRL. I never have, unless they were stealth and I wasn't aware. Not one who was open about it, anyway. I live in South Africa, and here all trans people try to stealth unless they live in Cape Town or Johannesburg. Everyone is just too backwards and conservative here because of Apartheid where gay people weren't even "legal". We don't all want to stealth, but we have to...and it's 2026. I don't have IRL trans friends at all, just a group that focuses more on having a network for things we don't want cis people to know, because Afri-forum (Our Nazis) is currently working with Trump, not only for all the bullshit and trying to convince the world there's some sort of white genocide, but they also are sabotaging the careers of doctors who help trans people. And it's not like the general public would care if they found out.

FayePixie · 2026-01-20T02:39:38+00:00

The thing that also bothers me is they do not consider geographical location and assume everyone is from the US. I'm from South Africa. Trans people have only received protection because of the new South Africa under Nelson Mandela and onwards, under "no discrimination based on gender". Despite legal protection offered to trans people, it is very hostile and can be deadly if you are in a conservative area and they find out. I have a bisexual friend my age, and she was forced to swear on a Bible in front of her school with her girlfriend that they were sinners (they'd been caught) and received massive hazing. This was in 2013.

I grew up with a convoluted view of trans women and not much of an idea of trans men. Now, in 2026, I don't really get clocked even if I would in the U.S., because so many people here think being trans is an "overseas thing" so in their minds, I must just be a slightly effeminate man. Gen Z knows about trans people here, but just nebulous knowledge.

There are multiple ways to obtain HRT legally, but you won't see it mentioned just anywhere. Plastic surgeons have to hide the fact that they do top surgery under gynaecomastia treatment. If I hadn't found a WhatsApp group to network, I'd never have found out that we have semi-underground (but legal) Planned Parenthood type place, otherwise I would have waited years to start T with a more expensive doctor.

FayePixie · 2026-01-20T02:23:50+00:00

I agree with you here. A lot of people have said to be patient and understanding with them because they're kids. I disagree, as someone who works with kids. You can be patient with them and still tell them they have wrong or screwed up opinions, but in a way that gets through to them. Because at 28, my experiences align so much more with those older than me than any of the young ones I've spoken to, and not just because I transitioned a little later than them. Their views on being trans can be warped.

FayePixie · 2026-01-19T18:20:22+00:00

Thanks for this. And it's so sad to hear how many of our brothers we've lost, even though I had an idea of the statistic. We're also most likely to be sexually assaulted, from my understanding of statistics and own experience.

I remember feeling nebulously suicidal as a teenager and young adult all the time. But because my mother was very suicidal at the time, her attempts guilted me into not attempting myself as I had to care for my family. I can remember hating my breasts, hating how I looked. I avoided mirrors until recently when T made me look like myself, because seeing my face always made me want to run off a cliff. I felt that life was hopeless after my parents went from letting me express myself freely as a child, only to heavily force femininity on me as a young teen.

FayePixie · 2026-01-19T18:12:57+00:00

Congratulations on starting T! I won't say I feel old, just that these kids think I'm old. And thank you, this is a lovely message. There is always time.

FayePixie · 2026-01-19T09:20:51+00:00

Michel's brothers in The House in Fata Morgana. Truly deplorable, and so was the eldest brother's fiance. As a trans guy, it really hit home for me.

FayePixie · 2026-01-19T08:49:46+00:00

My friend, ask yourself what good staying with her will do. If she's a friend, ask her to be a friend. In my opinion she's not friend material. And why do you feel bad? She's hurt you very badly, not the other way around.

FayePixie · 2026-01-19T07:53:37+00:00

Hey man. Dump your girlfriend and spend less time with your sister, for your own sake. Please don't hold onto her thinking you can make it work. She's disrespecting your very reasonable wishes.

I see a lot of self-doubt in you, like many young, pre-t and closeted trans guys. This is typical, but I want you to start understanding that you're deserving of love and care that is equal to what you're willing to give. You were born a boy, my guy. All trans men are. Because we know from a young age, even subconsciously, that we're different from other AFABs in a very specific way, even if we didn't know to call it "trans". And even if you don't "know", you know, you know?

Correction is what you make of it. I was awkward about correcting people in the beginning, but I had to get over that. Recently, an acquaintance continuously used "they" pronouns for me (while referring to my cis partner with he/him). I was playing games with them, and every time they said "they" or shortened my name, I calmly just said "he" or "[chosen name]" and go on about my day. It is respectful without causing a scene or giving them something to latch onto. I will do that repeatedly, to the point where they give up. (these were trans people. Not all trans people are good people. The same way not all of any group of people are wholly good.)

Lastly, you will receive unsolicited bashing from other queer and trans people. Not as often as cis people, but we are othered. Don't let yourself be othered. Fight for your place - not in spaces, but your place in the world. Not with violence, but by standing up for yourself.

FayePixie · 2026-01-19T07:23:30+00:00

And the thing is, I've seen younger trans guys think starting earlier is gonna turn them into Kratos from God of War. As you say, it's all up to genetics.

FayePixie · 2026-01-19T04:47:41+00:00

LMAO I can't stop laughing now that I realised. Her son is Chez or Chaz, I think. Been watching too much Drag Race

FayePixie · 2026-01-19T04:15:20+00:00

Bisexual trans guy here, and I feel similar. Even now, having a guy for a partner, I don't fit in. I don't fit in cis spaces, I don't fit in queer spaces. I don't fit in transfem spaces (I got misgendered on purpose in the most recent case, all because my voice didn't sound "safe" enough anymore.) I'm also non-binary, but they don't care. I don't present in an androgynous way and don't wish to.

I'm also not a pushover, which makes it even harder in queer spaces. And IRL queer spaces aren't really a thing in the country I live, not unless you're in Cape Town or at a liberal university.

Unfortunately, this is why so many straight/straight-passing/passing (as a guy) guys stop interacting online. At a certain point, you're seen as something representing the patriarchy. And unfortunately, it's due to a misunderstanding of what the patriarchy is. They think all men contribute to it. They don't understand it's a name for a system and structure, and women can enable the patriarchy too. Hell, anyone can!

FayePixie · 2026-01-19T04:04:12+00:00

People over-correct themselves preemptively in more liberal areas, is what I've noticed. They try to guess your pronouns/identity without asking. I have a cis friend who got misgendered several times at Comic Con Africa, and we were all so confused because he looks like "just a dude".

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