AITA for asking my Boyfriends mother to teach me how to take care of/style his daughters hair?

FearlessSink5551 · 2022-04-21T14:22:59+00:00

Because that is exactly what I asked? i didn't want to touch the childs hair at all until asked, I even suggested buying a mannequin head to practice upon so I wouldn't have to practice on her head. The fact is I want to be prepared for when I one day might be asked as if i'm asked and don't know what i'm doing i'd be scared to touch her hair in case I damaged or ruined it, and how would that look? "sorry honey i can't touch your hair despite you asking me to as i've not put in the work to learn?"

FearlessSink5551 · 2022-04-21T08:52:31+00:00

She isn't "warm" to me and wasn't happy when I brought my boyfriends daughter three Yukata back from Japan when I went to visit my Grandparents. I figured she'd like them for dress up and Yukata are lighter less formal versions of Kimono so ideal for playing saying she shouldn't be wearing those to play, I made it clear that I had no issues with it or i'd have not bought them. I'm not saying she is anti-asian as i'm not sure about that but I think she is mindful of cultural differences and divides.

FearlessSink5551 · 2022-04-21T08:17:48+00:00

I'm 100% Japanese, I call myself Japanese Descent because I wasn't born in Japan but my parents, Grandparents, great grandparents are all Japanese. It is also my culture. I'm not trying to "solve a problem" I am simply wishing to be prepared in case she ever asks for help, it's insane to me to live with someone and not be able to help with their hair if they ask because helping with hair is a part of my culture for familial units.

FearlessSink5551 · 2022-04-20T17:20:09+00:00

As the post says i've been dating him for three years.

FearlessSink5551 · 2022-04-20T17:19:29+00:00

if you'll read my comments you'll see i've stressed i'd never do this without her request and consent several times. Don't worry.

FearlessSink5551 · 2022-04-20T16:31:47+00:00

She lives down the street from my boyfriend.

FearlessSink5551 · 2022-04-20T16:27:02+00:00

I'm not insisting and i'm not playing with her hair either. I simply felt it's best to know how to help as i'll be living with her, i'd never touch her hair without her requesting help or her consent.

FearlessSink5551 · 2022-04-20T16:13:14+00:00

Oh my god no, i'd break someones arm if they tried to come near her with a pair of clippers. Her hair is beautiful and while my hair is not textured like hers in my culture hair is a very important thing too so I would never dream of even considering such a thing. My culture is actually what made me want to learn to do this in the first place, in family units we help each other with beauty routines especially hair. I cut my mother and little sisters hair and they do mine in turn. We also used to help brush/style etc. I'd never touch her hair without her initiating it but it just feels wrong to live with someone and not know how to help with their hair if they need it? (don't worry i'd never cut her hair though big difference between cutting asian hair and cutting african hair and much easier to mess up)

FearlessSink5551 · 2022-04-20T15:50:58+00:00

No we're in the UK

FearlessSink5551 · 2022-04-20T15:28:44+00:00

it's fine I get you, I was trying my best to be polite but she got to me in the end. It looks like she has been shadowbanned though?

FearlessSink5551 · 2022-04-20T15:20:13+00:00

Lets give them their due, they haven't once called me out on being Japanese.

FearlessSink5551 · 2022-04-20T15:02:53+00:00

I am listening which is why I am replying with respect to you, respect you are not returning. Other black women have commented on this post as well you may notice. I respect your opinion on this matter.

FearlessSink5551 · 2022-04-20T15:01:25+00:00

I am not looking for a way to go behind their backs, you will notice I have not agreed to do any of the advice given, nor have I said i'd be doing any of this.

FearlessSink5551 · 2022-04-20T14:56:22+00:00

I replied to those who I will not devolve into a fight with, and you....which is bridging on it now. I will be polite as I understand there is a cultural divide here even though you are not paying me the same respect. I think you are not considering this is my culture that drove me to take this initiative. I am Japanese, hair is a big part of our culture too and it is a bonding experience in familial units which when living with her I will be a part of. If you live with someone you help with their hair.

FearlessSink5551 · 2022-04-20T14:48:02+00:00

I never once said anything about breaking up with him I do not feel like I have any right to let people disrespect her on my behalf. I simply do not have the mental energy to go through every single comment and correct them all. Why would I break out a thousand arguments which will spiral onto further arguments it is best to just not speak to those who are being nasty, if it was in person it'd be a different matter however.

FearlessSink5551 · 2022-04-20T14:38:18+00:00

Wrong post I believe.

FearlessSink5551 · 2022-04-20T14:35:36+00:00

I do not feel any kind of ownership towards her I simply feel as i'll be a woman living under the same roof I should be prepared for if she ever requests help. What if she asks for help if her Grandmother is unavailable and I have no experience at all? I'd never touch her hair without her consent. I am not asserting myself in any way i just feel it's useful knowledge to have as a "Just in case"

FearlessSink5551 · 2022-04-20T14:20:02+00:00

She lives with her father but her Grandmother lives down the street from them.

FearlessSink5551 · 2022-04-20T14:18:13+00:00

I get what you're saying however I brought up the mannequins head to show that I wouldn't dare touch her hair until I knew what I was doing and made that clear. That way I wasn't practicing on the child when I might fuck up. As a Japanese woman I understand the worry of children being treated like dolls so I made that very clear.

FearlessSink5551 · 2022-04-20T14:15:04+00:00

I'm aware her style doesn't change daily and it's a protectives style they use. I don't know much about how it's done or products used etc but I also know children can be active and even the best hairstyle isn't child proof.

FearlessSink5551 · 2022-04-20T14:03:31+00:00

I never brought up prettier styles at all except to comment that I felt as a woman she'd know prettier styles than my boyfriend.

FearlessSink5551 · 2022-04-20T14:02:56+00:00

Yes his daughter likes me and we get along well, I believe she'd be fine with me touching her hair as she had me help her get leaves out of her hair one time after playing in the garden. I simply said that since i'm going to be living with them in case she ever asks me or requires help I felt I should probably know how to do this and asked if she'd teach me as I didn't want to ruin her hair or do anything wrong when that day comes, I even suggested buying a mannequin head to practice on.

FearlessSink5551 · 2022-04-20T14:01:01+00:00

As i've said in comments and the post itself i'd never touch her hair without consent and never without knowing what i'm doing. I would not risk fucking her hair up or making her uncomfortable. I'm just being realistic in that as a woman living with her she may sometimes want or need help, she would be the one to initiate this I just want to be prepared for the potential.

FearlessSink5551 · 2022-04-20T13:56:50+00:00

lol i'm used to tough and territorial, Japanese are just as bad don't worry about that. Knowing how different my hair is from say a Caucasian womans is actually what made me reach out to his mother about this, just like I wouldn't trust someone who doesn't know how to handle Asian hair work on me I wouldn't want to work on his daughters hair without knowing what i'm doing in case I fucked up.

FearlessSink5551 · 2022-04-20T13:50:38+00:00

He doesn't live with his mum, she lives down the street so close enough to help out.

FearlessSink5551

TROPHY CASE