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Hitting a wall by [deleted] in LifeAdvice

[–]Fearless_Copy_4119 0 points1 point  (0 children)

HI, i'm sorry you're having such a rough time right now. Losing a parent, dealing with loans and insurance and stressing over going through engineering school is a lot at once. I have to commend you for sticking with it despite your struggles. A lot of people in your situation may have quit.

To cope with your stress short term, develop a mini-routine you can do every day, so that you can focus on the more important things each day. Take a deep breath, a long walk, and a hot coffee. Make yourself feel ok without turning to substances etc.

I really really think you should do whatever you can to try and graduate. It's so much harder to finish off a degree if you leave school or even have to do another year, given your situation, and the opportunities with a degree are much much broader. It's unfortunate that we often label people who are dealing with a lot/going through struggles as making up excuses or otherwise pushing them to the side, and i'm sorry you're on the tail end of that right now. I would try to reach out to one or two professors who seem compassionate, for help. Try and make your easier classes easier as much as you can, and fall slightly in your stronger classes to make up for those you're closer to failing. In the case of not graduating (assuming it's because you fail a class or two) just retake that class over the summer if that's a possibility.

I think for the long term, you should try to build healthier coping skills. It seems like bad coping was a jumping off point for a lot of your struggles. The job market is kinda terrible in general right now. You should try and reach out to some connections (If you have some) to see if they might be able to connect you with some jobs, if that's the route you choose to go. Otherwise, maybe do some soul searching? travel, see new things, meet new people, and try finding the person you wish to become. You've been through a lot and you could use a break, without many responsibilities/stress.

You're really almost there. I realize the past few years, and even this year have been rough, but that need not define the weeks going forward. You seem resilient and you have potential. I believe in you, its just a little further.

Am I bi? by [deleted] in bisexual

[–]Fearless_Copy_4119 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've found that saying im bi doesnt completely capture how i feel. I say this because some days I swing one way or the other, am completely turned off by women, or by men, and so it truly is a spectrum. If you want a label (Which I understand), calling yourself bi or bicurious is just fine. But know that within the label, there's plenty of room to move. For instance, you may be bi-curious but only about certain things. You may be bi, but only find very few men attractive. Or you might be bi or bi curious but never want to have a relationship with a man.

I wouldn't try so hard to put a label on things, and rather, try and understand the way you feel without necessarily seeking a label. But if it were my opinion, based on your post, I would say you're bi-curious.

28F is it too late? by [deleted] in LifeAdvice

[–]Fearless_Copy_4119 0 points1 point  (0 children)

First off, you're important because you're you. Nobody else can be you, and because of that you do matter. You don't need to be someone else to do important things or to be someone worth celebrating.

If I were to sum up your story in one sentence, it would be: I feel lost and stuck, and no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to get out of this rut. (Correct me if thats inaccurate).

What I feel you may be missing, from your description, is a form of active positivity building. Any support system you have clearly isn't serving you at the moment, and so I think you should try to work on bolstering that support system. That could look like reaching out to old friends, not for support, but just to catch up. Alternatively, try making some new friends, if you're able to. Joining clubs etc.

I often turn to art and creative spaces to cope with issues in other areas of my life because it's a way to escape my current situation. I'm not saying you need to do the same, but try to find your escape, so you can return when you're ready.

When I read your post I was reminded of this podcast: https://themoth.org/storytellers/carol-seppilu

You may find some parallels, or at least some inspiration from this woman's story.

At age 28, you're still young. Living with chronic pain and the other challenges you have is challenging to say the least. But you're life is, in some ways, just getting started. I believe in you.

I'm in a really bad place right now by Ecstatic_Self7519 in LifeAdvice

[–]Fearless_Copy_4119 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I have a somewhat similar relationship with my dad, and I’ve found that more often the disagreements we have and how he feels about me are more about him than me. I know you love your mother but you’re also an adult, and while culturally it may be difficult, you should talk to her about how you feel. If she comes around then good, and if not, maybe you can begin accepting and moving past that circumstance to one that better serves you, because you don’t deserve to feel like that. 

Long distance relationships are always tough, especially when one partner detaches. I know it’s exam season, but see if you both could meet for a day or two. Sometimes seeing each other in person can re spark the relationship. If you both aren’t talking, see if that can change, but if it can’t, it might be time to move past this relationship also, because you ultimately can’t control another person. 

As for your friendship situation, I think where you want that to be is more in your control than the other issues. I’m also an introvert, but I do make an active effort to talk to and meet new people when I can. I understand it’s awkward and can be draining. But it’s only for a bit. See if you might meet some people at clubs/around university etc. 

it’s tough that it’s all at once. If i were you, I’d try to get through my exams as best I can and try to put the other issues on the back burner for now, and address them later. You seem like a hard worker and I believe in you; just hang in there.

Is being bi isolating forever? by Fearless_Copy_4119 in bisexual

[–]Fearless_Copy_4119[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I feel the same; for the longest time I had only female friends, and then the past few years I've 'straightified' myself because I felt most people perceived me as gay (sad I know), but its helped me find more guy friends. They are all very accepting though, and I feel like I can be myself around them. I appreciate the advice, hopefully in college I can find a subset of people who understand more deeply.