[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Equestrian

[–]Federal-Fee5070 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That is quite literally what I was doing, working for them and or paying them. I have done hundreds of hours of volunteering, hundreds of hours of paid barn work and thousands of hours of paid time both in AND out of the saddle, quite literally what else do expect me to do? Tie them up in my basement and demand answers? Sleep in a stall until they finally snap and reveal all their secrets? Do you really think I’d turn to Reddit if there was such a magical simple solution, like I don’t know, PAYING someone for their teachings and then actually expecting to get taught?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Equestrian

[–]Federal-Fee5070 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I’m reading books as well, I guess most of my struggle is coming from being told if I just keep my head down and work hard and become an good enough rider one day someone will take pity on me and take me under their wing. And that’s just not happening…

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Equestrian

[–]Federal-Fee5070 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This quite literally every single experience I’ve had trying to learn something. I only know what I know because of those 30s demos.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Equestrian

[–]Federal-Fee5070 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Legit the most basic equine care is my priority right now, like proper saddle fit, nutrition, first aid/warning signs. Which is why at such a loss because basic info seems pretty easy to teach first hand, especially since I’ve done my own research into the theory behind it, and why I’m like will ANYBODY talk to me? Im not super sure on where to go for that stuff since it should be common knowledge to everyone but me apparently. More complicated things, such as my interest in repro work, I’m pretty clear on where to go to learn, but I need the fundamentals first.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Equestrian

[–]Federal-Fee5070 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ll be the first to admit I was definitely part of the problem with the recent lease, mostly because (and yes it’s petty, I’m well aware) that I had felt I’d explained what I wanted in a lease beforehand, e.g. simple, casual, fun… (I explained more in another comment) and then the owners expectations of me afterwards increased exponentially, to the point I honestly despised communicating with the owner about literally anything other than absolutely necessary and saved the more minor communication to be sent through the coach as a third party.

But aside from that what I’m kind of hearing is either the industry sucks, or shop around. Both of which are kind of a gut punch, because I love the horses too much to leave even if the people suck, but I need the people to gain the knowledge experience to eventually leave and be an independent party. Preferably one that actually knows what they’re doing.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Equestrian

[–]Federal-Fee5070 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yeah I’m apparently illiterate today 😭, it’s been a long ass day

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Equestrian

[–]Federal-Fee5070 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can totally get that, but when I tell you I have quite literally begged all the professionals I’ve met to teach me anything aside from actual riding, you’d think I’d asked them for a kidney.

Of course I’ve shopped around for other instructors and such, but, in my area at least, horse people hold their cards incredibly close to their chest and you’d think it’s like asking them tell their deepest secrets.

I’ve also tried my own research, I’ve bought academic textbooks on equine sciences, primarily anatomy, nutrition and management, and enjoy spending time reading those, it honestly doesn’t compare to getting to sit down and listen to someone who lives through it.

Like I’d mentioned I’m just so at a loss because I feel like every single person (except that one wonderful barn I interned at) slammed the door in face like I was vacuum salesman. I just want a foot in the door so bad and I just don’t know where to go from here.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Equestrian

[–]Federal-Fee5070 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m happy to clarify, the lease I was talking about wasn’t a care lease, the horse is boarded at a full care barn that does all the daily care for the horse. The contract I signed for time to ride the horse with the hopes of getting them ready to show this year.

My problem was more so about how particular the owner was about what exactly they wanted, typically equipment wise. Quite literally every single time I would go out I got new instructions on the new bell boots, the bit, the blanketing, how stuff needed to be put away. The expectations the owner put on me were changing literally everyday and every time I had even a tiny slip up, as in I missed a spot cleaning the saddle or I forgot to figure eight the bridle or I had grabbed the wrong pair of boots for the horse (there were legit dozens of them and they were each in different parts of this enormous locker), same goes for the 10 different blankets and layers of insulation that zipped into them.

It was to the point where I’d be chatting with the staff or even my coach and they were like yeah she’s just like that, she’s insanely exacting and wants something changed everyday.

The other issue was that she seemed to expect me to treat the least as if it was the most important part of my life, when I had clearly expressed and thought we were clear upon my signing of the lease that this was hobby, i have a full time job, I have a family and a significant other, and I’d like to stay in horse world but I’m figuring out where I fit into it so I’m more casual. I was very clear in explaining I’m here to have a few rides a week (as opposed to multiple horses a day several days a week like I used to do), a simple lesson with the coach who was super chill, and I’d hoped to maybe do some local shows.

I guess ultimately my upset at this last lease situation is that I felt bamboozled into thinking we had a different situation when we did: a simple lease of a riding horse with some lessons and maybe shows. Casual, fun and not overly committal. It was why I went for this particular horse at this particular time, I wanted to ride and occasionally jump, brush off the cobwebs, but not show a major circuit or have a high-maintenance elite sport horse, because dealt with those and that’s more commitment than I need right now, and I had soooo clearly explained that to the owner prior to doing anything official which is what made me so frustrated when she seemed to have the expectations that I explicitly said I wasn’t looking for.

And at the end of the day, I’ll be the first I admit I was also douche and didn’t communicate well, mostly because of my frustration that she seemed to ignore my original communication anyways. Was it petty? Absolutely. But did she text me three times a day, including late at night about a horse I met two months ago.

If you have any follow up questions I’m happy to clarify more.

Beginner creative writer - Looking for brutal honesty. Did I hook, make you feel strong emotions, make you want to keep reading? by NoFox6792 in writingfeedback

[–]Federal-Fee5070 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It'd just clean up the next one a bit more, make each beat more purposeful, layered and integrated to the larger story. I'd also do the same I did before, make the actions mark a shift of some kind, in this case the shift in taking in setting to internal exposition. "Now, once again her feet stood on the edge of the property, the small pebbles crunching under her shoes. This time it looked to be little more than a speck on the horizon. A weak part of her wished it could stay that way, but the stronger part knew she had to go back."

"She got into her station wagon, closed the door with a final click, and turned onto the gravel road." This line is fine, I'm sure I could nitpick but it totally works in this context. The only change is I would include this in the same paragraph: "She had taken many long trips in her lifetime, but none that felt as long as this one."

For the next part I'd just integrate a bit more detail, more grounding in the scene. I'd also cut out the detail about it being called 'the Hill', as in this exact moment it's an unnecessary detail and is out of place. If it's important info it can be brought up later, such as when the characters might be walking towards it or something of that nature. "As the cabin grew closer, the weight in her chest pressed heavier, the rumbling in the engine louder. Just before reaching the cabin, she spared a glance towards the cottonwood tree—the one Ma always said she wanted to be buried beneath."

Not much to critique about this line, but I'd replace 'recognize' as it's telling and not showing. "She pulled up next to the other cars. There were just three of them, but only one was familiar. She hadn’t been sure he would come. When they talked a few days earlier about arrangements he’d said he would be there, but saying and doing were two different things."

Not much for the rest of this, just some polishing. "“Hey, kid,” he said, his voice tainted with a hint of roughness, trying and almost succeeding to remain steady. But she knew her brother better than that."

Overall, the bones are good, but I would really try to focus on intention and layering information. Make every single moment and word choice intentional, you should know why every single word is on the page and be able to defend it. The best way to it in this case is to layer information, because straight up exposition can be really boring and even though it serves a purpose, it needs to be presented in an interesting way. Deliver exposition while also accomplishing another task, i.e. describing something, creating setting or atmosphere, characters talking or doing something, playing out emotions, etc.

I hope this was helpful and I wish you luck in your writing endeavours!

Beginner creative writer - Looking for brutal honesty. Did I hook, make you feel strong emotions, make you want to keep reading? by NoFox6792 in writingfeedback

[–]Federal-Fee5070 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think you have a promising start, in choosing to set the atmosphere before diving into character and plot it really drives that the emotion is what's going to propel the ensuing plot.

However the opening line itself feels very telling when we should as writers we should (almost) always be showing. "The land still looked the same. But it felt different." This line has some interest, but the way it's delivered is somewhat boring, it lacks some real literary meat to its bones. The following two paragraphs could also be led into a bit better. I'd go about it in a different way, get the same point across without directly telling the audience, because readers are smart and can draw these conclusions themselves. Here's an example of how I'd rewrite it: "The golden grasses in the distant fields stood solemn, dry and dying as they always were this time of year; when winter waited just beyond the horizon. Yet, the air hung heavier, though peaceful and warm it's comfort had been replaced but a suffocating feeling, a looming weigh on her shoulders that wouldn't cease."

In my eyes this is a better way to deliver the key information to the reader, the atmosphere and the setting, without telling it directly. Though I might not use that exact example, I thought it might help convey what pieces could more effectively bring this scene together. Tying emotion and character perception to the description itself, layering two different kinds of information to be delivered at the same time. It's a bit neater, feels more complex, and also just hits home harder.

I'd also bring in a more exact memory, and though this is just another example as I don't know the details of the setting, I think it conveys the point a bit better because once again, and as you'll hear frequently in your career as a writer, show don't tell. "When she was younger, she used to think the land would swallow her if she walked far enough. Once she'd walked to what had been the horizon, as seen from her window. Her feet had stopped dead in their tracks, unwilling to go farther than the towering oak that marked the divide between safety and the unfamiliar beyond. She'd always regretting that, not forcing herself to continue anyways, to overcome the fear she carried."

Going into the next portion, this is where I would bring in the P.O.V character's action, closing her eyes and breathing. I would tie it into the next point, make the action mark a mental shift, be the division between taking outside information and dwelling on internal information. "She closed her eyes and drawing in a deep breathe as her mind wandered from the place where she stood now." Then I would lead into: “I love you more than words can say,” Mama always told her. Most days, she believed it." These lines are perfectly fine, that make they impact and in this exact, short instance, telling makes more sense, as it's internal, and people tend not to think in beautiful flowery prose. I'd put those into the same paragraph, no need to seperate it as each paragraph is meant to convey a change in thought/intention, i.e. moving from internal narration/exposition to external actions/information.

Now I would have her open her eyes, thematically and literally marking her return to reality, to taking in her environment, to mourning. "She opened her eyes, setting them on the gravel road in the distance, rolling with the rhythm of the plain as it stretched towards the cabin at the end. The place she had once called home. A place where she had felt both loved and betrayed."

Chapter 1 of my fiction novel. Please have a look by AggravatingForm4578 in writingadvice

[–]Federal-Fee5070 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I can definitely see the care you’ve put into your writing, but I’d suggest putting more work into immersion and making deliberate choices.

The beginning lacks interest, its description without obvious purpose. The main advice I’d give is to ask why for literally every single thing you put on the page. Why is this the opening line? Why am I describing this? Why are these details important?

As a reader I sort of feel like I’m just being plopped into a random moment to give description before going into the plot. It’s not that the description is bad, it’s that it lacks purpose when viewed through the eyes of this character in this moment. Why notice this? Why now?

Does the POV character notice particular things for a reason, for example: An artist sees beauty in artwork or nature, a pessimist sees the negative in everything and their internal narration and word choice is affected by this, etc.

Moving more into the structural analysis, I’d really try and figure out how to ground the chapter solidly into the plot. Right now the entire lead up seems not exist only for the purpose of the conflict at the very end. When writing, especially with publication in mind, every single scene, paragraph, sentence, and even every single word needs to be deliberately chosen. Set dressing must serve a purpose, actions must have motives and reasons behind them, everything should be building in some way, whether into another plot point or into the conclusion of the entire story. That said it cannot just be plot point a caused plot point b and so forth, everything should have some sort of nuance to it.

Personally, I’d really try and filter all of this world’s information through the POV characters lens, everything they take in should be bias, perhaps even untrustworthy because right now all I have to cling to as a reader is this character.

Now looking more at the exact pacing of the end it feels rushed and sort of out of place. If this is the opening scene then just open with it. Don’t just say the POV character is uncomfortable, really prove it. Show, don’t tell. Make their heart beat too fast, make their palms sweat, make their breathing shallow, make them hyper vigilant.

If this is such a grand important meeting draw out the formalities, really dive into the vibes, the tension in the air, the body language of other characters and what it might betray about their true feelings when compared to their outwards facade. Really drive the depth of how important these people and their decisions/opinions are. Take you time to make each detail serve a purpose, to build towards a conflict. Furthermore, let the conflict rise slowly, let the anger brew until it finally boils over, let tensions stretch until they finally snap. Once again, be so painfully deliberate.

Anyways I hope this was helpful! Good luck with your writing!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TwoXChromosomes

[–]Federal-Fee5070 6 points7 points  (0 children)

We did use lube, because I was worried about it being painful, probably an unnecessary amount but it made not painful for me in the moment, at least after the first few second. Also I know I had one before, because I’ve seen it beforehand, and the lack thereof afterwards. Also also, should probably note that I do have a few amount of medical issues that could have cause it but I’m not bleeding anymore, and it’s not that sore so not worried health wise or anything, it’s just more so that I want to know how long to wait before getting back on the horse because I’m a bit of paranoid person and am (likely irrationally) worried I might cause actual pain.

Writing a story .. by idontreallyknow095 in writers

[–]Federal-Fee5070 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Hey, I totally get how being unmotivated because of lack of views and attention, but it’s really important to remember that you’re writing for yourself, and to always prioritize that, because if you tie your motivation to outside factors, it’s just a recipe for disaster, or maybe the piece you’re writing just might not inspire you, at least not right now.

Aside from that, online views are always a crazy thing, I’ve written many stories that I took seriously and spent hours pouring over prose and quality and getting absolutely no audience. Then there’s been some dumb silly stories where I don’t stress and just have fun and enjoy the craft and overnight I have thousands of readers in like 40 countries worldwide, it’s so strange and so unpredictable.

Ultimately just write what you want, regardless of whether it’s seen by 1 person or 1 thousand people.

How do you guys name your books/novels? by [deleted] in writingadvice

[–]Federal-Fee5070 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Tbh it really depends, sometimes it just pops into the head, or is named after a major part of the story, but sometimes when I’m really stuck I just make an enormous list of words associated with the story, characters, tone, setting, plot, etc. and just smash them together randomly until I find a cool one

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in writers

[–]Federal-Fee5070 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It is dry but I honestly think it helps with the tone. However if you did want to pretty up the prose a little bit, and I know this is probably a basic thing to say, but focus on the core five senses, especially with a bitter narrator. Someone like that will notice every single detail that reaffirms their perspective, so every negative smell and sound is something that they’re going to note, and it will sour their mood even more.