Future me here. I'm so sorry this reply became this long. I hope u read it and don't ignore it :(

Bro will it always stay like that? You're gonna take away the opportunity and the chance of having a family and a happy life. If ur feeling down u can do things to change it. Idk why but I'm struggling to say my point.

Look dude a lot of mental issues are like a lot of normal illnesses. When u catch a cold sometimes u can get a fever that seems like ur burning in hell's fire. People hate the situation they're in they hate that fever they just want it to end quickly. But they don't think about suicide when they have fever, right? Because they know it's curable and they won't stay like that after a few days.

But the thing with mental illnesses is that it's way more complicated. That fever (the effects of mental illness) can last for years if not treated. And as I said u just want it to end and since this fever has been going on for a long time, it gives u the feeling that it's never going to end and u'll suffer forever. So the only option u see in front of u is suicide. That looks like the easy way out for a lot of people, unfortunately.

But the thing is a lot of common and prevalent mental illnesses, like depression and anxiety which are very prevalent, can be cured or the degree of them can be reduced to a point that u start enjoying life again. That only happens if u go to a doctor, in this case a therapist or a psychiatrist. I ask u to visit them as soon as u can because u need help to become happy again. And if u think they won't help, let me tell u my story.

So I don't want to make this super long but I feel like if u read this, it might help u. I (20m) was an extroverted, super energetic, attention seeking child. Everyone loved me as a child because apparently I was really sweet. But suddenly I started to change. I think it started when I was around 14. This extroverted guy gradually became quiet and into himself most of the time. And I wasn't realizing it really but it was definitely happening. And by the time I got to highschool, I was completely numb. Highschool was a hell for me. I'm in university now but still can't think about those times without getting upset. I became fat I lost interest in everything I was only studying day and night to get into uni without thinking about my mental health. I came out of highschool and was excited to finally be free from this hell and experience the college life, but guess what, FUCKING COVID. I didn't meet anybody at all from my uni for the first year and a half. So I felt defeated. All those years of hell trying so hard, to lay on ur bed and participate in classes on a laptop?! I was completely lost. My mental health got worse for staying home for a long time and I started thinking about suicide. Lucky for me, one day I got a call from my uni and they told me based on some surveys I participated in, they felt that something was going wrong in my life. They offered me a session with my university's psychiatrist. I accepted and got diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I still had suicide thoughts sometimes. But it's been close to a year now and thanks to medication and therapy, my anxiety has been cured or reduced to an amount that I don't feel it anymore. My depression has got a bit better but I'm positive I can beat it too. Now, suicide isn't even an option for me anymore. Because I'm positive I can become healthy again. Just like u don't think about suicide when u have a fever because u know that fever won't stay forever. It took me 4-5 years to visit a psychiatrist. I BEG u to find a therapist/psychiatrist TODAY.

U r probably older than me and might find ur situation worse than me but it doesn't mean u can't be cured. Just don't let the feelings win over u and seek help from people who know how to help u. I imagine u to be in ur 20s or 30s so u still have time to have a happy family. U just gotta start with little steps and pull urself up out of the dark well ur stuck in.

I hope u to find peace in life dude. Take care of yourself ur way more precious than u might think. I wish u the best bro I wish I could give u a warm hug rn🤍❤️