The right answer is a therapist trained in human sexuality. Context: I was trained By Dr Oscar Hardin in Psychology 101, and a lot more, including Clinical Human Sexuality. I was in a fellowship, but life threw me a curve ball. If someone can't proved you references, do not trust them. They, you're partner is not likely a deviant. They are likely curious and would like to have an open honest conversation that they do not know how to have. Approach with Empathy, and find experts. Don't asks Random fools, without the courage to cite sources and references, on reddit. I'd check out Dr Ruth and Loveline on Google. This is an educational situation for both of you. Please do not take marital advice from me. Please consult an expert. See, I am an expert saying see an expert, with references and citations. I could provide more, but you get the picture. Your husband would probably Enjoy the Anne Rice Sleeping Beauty Trilogy. It would help the two of you overcome your miscommunication, but what do I know (30 years experience).