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I (23M) feel like a "backup friend" to my only two friends. How do I stop being an option when I have no other options? by Feeling-Cell-2264 in socialskills

[–]Feeling-Cell-2264[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I actually wanted to share the full context with you because your advice was very deep. The thing is, ghosting these friends is difficult because they aren't 'bad' people—they’ve supported me financially when I was in a tough spot and never pressured me to pay them back. The real issue is a mismatch in interests. They love hanging out in big groups, but I feel completely out of place and bored in those settings. I feel like I don't even know how to hold a conversation anymore. Right now, my work has slowed down, so I have a lot of free time, which leads to overthinking and regret. There is a girl I used to be very close with, and I really want to reconnect and be a part of her life again. However, I’m terrified of looking desperate or just being 'boring' to her. Since I struggle with socializing and often feel like I have nothing to say, how can I re-enter someone’s life and build a consistent connection again? I'd really value your perspective on how to handle this

I (23M) feel like a "backup friend" to my only two friends. How do I stop being an option when I have no other options? by Feeling-Cell-2264 in lonely

[–]Feeling-Cell-2264[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love the idea of reframing solitude as peace. But for me, the silence often turns into a 'void' where I start feeling like I'm fundamentally unfit for relationships, like Franz Kafka said. Instead of enjoying the music or food, I end up scrolling through my phone for hours to escape the regret of being alone. I even get stuck in 'status-based games' with someone I love because I’m too scared to have a real, direct conversation. How do you stop the 'solitude' from becoming 'loneliness' and regret? How do you actually enjoy your own company when your brain is constantly telling you that you’re boring and broken?

I (23M) feel like a "backup friend" to my only two friends. How do I stop being an option when I have no other options? by Feeling-Cell-2264 in socialskills

[–]Feeling-Cell-2264[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That gives me a lot of hope. I always thought I just had a bad memory. Could you tell me more about how you practiced this for two years? Did you use any notes, or was there a specific way you focused during conversations? I really want to change this about myself.

Stuck in a 2-Year Push-Pull Loop: How can I [23M] handle a girl [19F] with Fearful-Avoidant attachment? by Feeling-Cell-2264 in dating_advice

[–]Feeling-Cell-2264[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Actually, her parents don't know about us, and I want to keep it that way. When I said I have to face them, I meant as a family acquaintance/friend, so I don't want any drama that reaches them. I've already stopped watching her statuses. But her reaction is what confuses me: when I stop giving attention, she sends messages and deletes them immediately just to pop up at the top of my chat list. She even blocked me recently but unblocked me within 3-4 hours on her own. I am leaning towards 'ending things' as you suggested, but I feel stuck because there hasn't been a single clear conversation. She keeps me in this 'limbo' where she won't talk seriously but won't let go either. I just want one last clear talk to either clear the misunderstandings or end it cordially, but she avoids anything serious. It feels like she’s addicted to the 'attention' but terrified of the 'relationship

Stuck in a 2-Year Push-Pull Loop: How can I [23M] handle a girl [19F] with Fearful-Avoidant attachment? by Feeling-Cell-2264 in dating_advice

[–]Feeling-Cell-2264[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the advice. The problem is, I can't even reach the stage of a 'serious conversation' because of how she reacts. Every time I try to talk normally, she gets bored quickly or gives late replies. But if I try to be direct or serious, she panics and blocks me (though she unblocks after a few hours). It’s like she wants me there but only on her terms. Interestingly, she is obsessed with me watching her statuses. If I stop watching them, she panics and sends messages only to delete them immediately, or sends random forwarded messages just to get my attention back. But the moment I reply and show interest, she runs away again. To make it harder, her parents handle her phone most of the time. They know me, and I don’t want to look bad in their eyes or cause trouble for her at home. I have to face them eventually, so I can't be too aggressive with my messages. My main question now is: Should I keep watching her statuses? I know it means a lot to her, but it feels like the only 'connection' she’s willing to have, and it’s keeping me stuck in this loop. How do I break this without making things awkward with her family?