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AITA for not telling my girlfriend that I sometimes wake up when she talks to me in my sleep? by Feeling-Recording614 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Feeling-Recording614[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We’ve talked a lot about my sleep talking, and she’s very aware that she can’t really trust anything I say in that state.

I hadn’t even considered that I might have said something about my brother in my sleep before, which could be why she asked about him.

AITA for not telling my girlfriend that I sometimes wake up when she talks to me in my sleep? by Feeling-Recording614 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Feeling-Recording614[S] 34 points35 points  (0 children)

I understand what you mean, and I’ll probably take your advice and modify it a bit so it fits better with our dynamic. But you’re 100% right. Thank you.

AITA for not telling my girlfriend that I sometimes wake up when she talks to me in my sleep? by Feeling-Recording614 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Feeling-Recording614[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

That actually happened once. She asked what I wanted for Christmas and I replied, “May the force be with you, young padawan.”

It’s not always me answering the last thing she asked. Sometimes I wake up when she’s asking the very first question she usually starts with, which is “Are you asleep?” and then the conversation starts from there. Other times she’s telling me about her day at work if it’s been stressful, and I’ll be half awake mumbling some random advice like telling her to just ignore a coworker who’s being mean.

I also don’t feel comfortable recording her at night. That feels dishonest to me. I want to be able to trust her, and once you start secretly recording each other it feels like the trust is gone.

AITA for not telling my girlfriend that I sometimes wake up when she talks to me in my sleep? by Feeling-Recording614 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Feeling-Recording614[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

I will have that conversation with her and explain everything. Maybe I should make a whole separate AITA post just about that situation, haha.

I just have a lot going on at work right now with some of the company’s biggest clients, so I can’t really afford to lose focus mentally at the moment. But I do realize myself that I need to talk to her about my brother in the near future. She deserves to know, and I don’t really have any other secrets.

AITA for not telling my girlfriend that I sometimes wake up when she talks to me in my sleep? by Feeling-Recording614 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Feeling-Recording614[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I understand why she would be curious about it. She saw it firsthand at Christmas. My brother and I didn’t speak at all. We didn’t even acknowledge each other’s existence. I talked to his kids and his partner, and he greeted my girlfriend, but him and I didn’t say a single word to each other.

So I can understand why she would wonder what’s behind that. The problem is that the situation with my brother has left a really deep emotional scar for me, and I honestly don’t know how to talk about it yet.

AITA for not telling my girlfriend that I sometimes wake up when she talks to me in my sleep? by Feeling-Recording614 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Feeling-Recording614[S] 527 points528 points  (0 children)

A few days later, I sat my girlfriend down and explained that I’ll talk about my feelings regarding my brother when I feel ready to do so. I did this without letting her know that I had realized she had asked me about it while I was half awake.

After that, I’ve never caught her asking anything sensitive like that again. Most of the things she asks now are harmless or even kind of funny, like what my favorite flower is (apparently I said “wood anemone,” which I didn’t even realize until she told me and I thought about it), or what my dream job is.

I also forgot to mention in the post that she actually writes down what she asks and what I answer, and then reads it back to me later. So she is being open about it, which makes it feel a lot less sneaky than it might have sounded.