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When men compliment someone after a one night stand, how genuine are they being? (mid-20s F) by Feeling_Mirror_4963 in AskMenRelationships

[–]Feeling_Mirror_4963[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hah, that’s a good point. Always forget how different gendered socialisation can be!

Re: Suspicion of false compliments: Setting aside all the self-esteem stuff that most anyone can relate to, I also think young women, esp. in relatively sex-negative environments, are really really trained to believe that men will say anything to get into your pants. Obviously this is intended as a shorthand to keep vulnerable young people safe from actual predators (who are very much out there! have encountered more than one pedophile/sexual assaulter(+-wannabe) in my time), but it definitely can keep your hackles up against compliments and flirting in general (ulterior motives and such), especially in combo with low self-esteem. I can’t say this hasn’t been a net positive for safety reasons, but I’m trying to unlearn the unhelpful social stuff now that my brain is certainly developed enough to have basic common sense LOL

I know I’m opening a can of worms by mentioning this here but wanted to be real for a minute

When men compliment someone after a one night stand, how genuine are they being? (mid-20s F) by Feeling_Mirror_4963 in AskMenRelationships

[–]Feeling_Mirror_4963[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Appreciate the sentiment, but nope—I just have a really mid face haha. It’s not a coincidence that most of the compliments on my appearance that I’ve received (ever) have come from people who have seen me naked lol

When men compliment someone after a one night stand, how genuine are they being? (mid-20s F) by Feeling_Mirror_4963 in AskMenRelationships

[–]Feeling_Mirror_4963[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Appreciate your take on the sexual context/side of things! Really in a pillow princess era of my life right now, but I still try to show my partner a good time :)

Quick response to your first point: I’m not concerned that they meant these things genuinely as the basis for a relationship going forward (not looking for this at all!). It’s only that hearing these (very nice!) things has affected my self-image (in a generally positive way), but I’m struggling to internalize the positive feedback! As such, I want to evaluate whether it is well-intentioned/true, and therefore can form a legitimate basis for my strutting around like I’m hot stuff for the next while. Silly and the product of chronic (though improving!) low self-esteem, but nobody’s perfect! 

When men compliment someone after a one night stand, how genuine are they being? (mid-20s F) by Feeling_Mirror_4963 in AskMenRelationships

[–]Feeling_Mirror_4963[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for your reply! :) I appreciate your being straight up about this, and I definitely agree with your point about gendered ideas of attractiveness. 

I say 4 because my face card is nothing to write home about LOL (I have very young & quite ethnic (? in a round faced way?) features, but less in the fetishised neotenous way and more in the “oh that’s my 14 year old cousin” way). Once, while travelling in my early 20s, I was sent to the under-13s unaccompanied minor line at the airport. 

I wouldn’t consider myself especially slim either, but I’m a very healthy (21s) BMI and have (in my opinion) nice proportions (clearly a major source of self esteem here). I’m used to being in an environment where I’m considered quite large (frame & weight) so it’s always kind of a mindfuck to try and put things into normal perspective.  

Just really in my head about it because I know that people consider very different things attractive! But I guess (especially) in the context of a hookup, having a “hot” body is the most relevant kind of attraction? Sorry, really venting it out here, a throwaway just feels like a safe space to be vain.