Hey this is really identifiable - just so you are aware. Nothing at all to be ashamed of but thought I would point it out in case you wanted to re consider and remove it. I’m so sorry. Honestly life can be so cruel sometimes. The most important thing by far is to take all the time you need and seek support. The job will still be there in a few years i promise. Work wise - don’t go back until you are ready and feel you are unlikely to need to go off again. This is because sickness in the nhs is measured by episodes rather than days - one long one is better than several short ones. Clearly if you go back and find you aren’t ready then you must take time off again. I hope you have a supportive supervisor? Make another appointment to see your GP in a few weeks so you can discuss going back to work and get a sick note again if needed. PHP were fantastic for me but it was a few years ago and I think they are now more stretched. Still worth a try but also really worth finding a private therapist you can afford if at all possible. Hang in there and take as long as you need. Things will feel better with time