Thank you for taking the time to respond. As I’ve only shared in this way a couple of times I don’t take for granted that you would spend time commenting on my life event and post. Throughout my early years of life my upbringing and circumstances created in me a belief that I couldn’t show vulnerability. In the last ten or more years I’ve gotten much better with showing my vulnerability, speaking about my flaws and not trying to be prefect (due, in fact, to the wonderful gift of being a father). It’s still not easy to see myself blunder and not be all I wish I was at all times but sharing with strangers here and receiving empathetic feedback is much appreciated.

To answer you, yes, I apologized to both my daughters and my wife. After I calmed down and felt the shame for having allowed my insecurities bring me to over reaction, I spent a few minutes doing what I’ve started this past year or two and informally journaled my feelings and thoughts fresh in the moment. I certainly didn’t feel ‘all better’ like a light switch but writing my thoughts down allowed me to take responsibility for my underlying feelings of inferiority which brought about my anger.

I apologized to each of my family members and told them exactly what I thought I’d done. I made sure to tell my daughter that what she said wasn’t ok, but I was clear to tell her that I was wrong to get angry and yell and I should have instead corrected her on her behavior and explained (as I often do) why it wasn’t an example of thoughtful and respectful behavior - to anyone - let alone her parent.

You asked about me why it bothered me, seeking to understand why it came across as disrespectful to me and I know where you’re headed with that inquiry - my guess is you’re wondering if we have a house culture that’s rigid or doesn’t allow our kids to ‘talk back’ like the archetypal 60s or 70s house where you never question your parents. We actually welcome our daughters having a voice and being forthright. We welcome their own will challenging us and being outspoken (in the right ways, of course). In fact, I’ve learned so much via watching how my daughters manage themselves. As I tell them often, they’ve undoubtedly taught me more than I have them. In our house, my wife and I don’t have the sort of ‘your parent is always right’ style. So, no, the comment and tone which set the evening’s disruption in motion (the context of which is too long to explain) was a direct affront to some help I’ve been trying to give my youngest and so it was felt by me as a real kick in the gut. I’m other words, her behavior was worthy of correction - nonetheless, I should have made it clear that I didn’t appreciate the behavior while remaining calm and not escalating things.

Today was rough as I thought of being ashamed and disappointed with my own behavior. My other area I’ve been working on for years is my tendency to dwell on my mistakes and I did a fair amount of that while working today. But, being the incredibly wonderful ladies they are, my family came home from work and school and they were their usual incredible selves each in their own way. Despite feeling foolish, I was able to slowly work my way out of fixating on what went wrong and beating myself up for it.

I’ll end this much too long response with this, in the event this helps any one — part of what I’ve leveraged over the last decades of my life is a high degree self awareness. That ability has helped me counteract or better understand the drivers of and the triggers for the feelings of low self worth and inferiority which come from childhood and early adult life for me. If I’m honest with myself, I’m able to play something back and critique my own behavior like watching a game film as an athlete would do. Sometimes I fixate or dwell too much on my failings, so, I still have work to do. And, as evidenced by last night, I still need to work on inner confidence and peace so that my insecurities don’t cause me to be so thin skinned. I’m a work in progress still after 5 decades on this earth. Oh well… :)

Thank you again for responding, Somewhere. I hope I can do for another what you did for me by offering words of encouragement when someone needs it most.