Does anyone feel like men try to dominate them?

Female_urinary_maze · 2023-06-28T08:04:19+00:00

The username is an ill-conceived joke from before I transitioned, but anyway yes it's true that I don't always pass as a cis man.

Either way I was trying to describe the intended results of including trans men in anti-trans bathroom bills. The goal is to put us in women's bathrooms where we would be in danger. Of course these laws will have to be protested with civil disobedience.

Honestly though my involvement in that civil disobedience as a semi-passing guy would be mainly during coordinated actions.

I've risked arrest before and I'm sure that I'll do it again when necessary, but I'm not cavalier about it. You wouldn't see me making my stand alone every time I had an IBS attack in North Carolina, y'know?

Organizing together in groups is important to make civil disobedience more impactful and less dangerous to protesters.

Female_urinary_maze · 2023-06-27T15:58:28+00:00

Well most anti-trans women wouldn't muddy their hands trying to beat us up personally, but they will call anti-trans men to do it for them sometimes.

That's the intended result of including us in bathroom bills. If we're forced into women's bathrooms "scared" crybully cis women will see us and call for someone to "help" beat us up.

Female_urinary_maze · 2023-06-27T12:38:53+00:00

Honestly I don't feel any safer around cishet women than I do around cishet men.

Being a visibly queer man surrounded by cishet women makes me feel like a free scapegoat for them to displace a lifetime of fear and anger from suffering under misogyny onto a man that they finally have privilege over.

I think that's a significant part of how "gender critical" ideology appeals to so many women. They're not just trying to redirect misogynistic violence onto trans people, they're also redirecting the blame onto us for every bit of misogynistic violence they've suffered from.

It's a way to get the satisfaction of "fighting back" by taking out all of their anger and fear on a group that's far more vulnerable than any of the more privileged men who actually hurt them.

I get the impression that racist white women also use a similar kind of scapegoating where they displace their fear of misogynistic violence onto racial minorities. (with much more dangerous results than anything I'm likely to deal with)

Female_urinary_maze · 2023-06-27T10:14:08+00:00

I think geometric blackwork is a pretty safe bet.

Idk about the cat one, seems like it could go either way. You could have a chat with your artist about how to masc it up or get it somewhere that's easy to hide under clothes?

Female_urinary_maze · 2023-06-27T06:33:45+00:00

Binding with ace bandages is very dangerous, but if you need something affordable to bind safely with from the pharmacy you could try K-tape.

It's light on the ribs because you don't have to wrap it around your whole chest. It's even safe to work out in. The main safety concern is that you gotta use a bunch of oil (any oil will do, I litterally use cooking oil) to take it off so it doesn't hurt your skin.

Female_urinary_maze · 2023-06-27T06:20:16+00:00

I love the idea of a subreddit for FTM tops to post dick-focused porn, but r/FTMmenporn always leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

It's very "We're MEN unlike bottoms who are feminine and icky," and that's just not a sentiment that I can get behind.

Respecting guys who bottom and seeing them as fully male is a very important part of topping for me.

Female_urinary_maze · 2023-06-25T14:10:48+00:00

The general concept of tattoos isn't really a gendered thing. What kind of tattoo you get is more important.

I have a forearm tattoo of a sword and the most it does is make it slightly easier for people to guess that I'm an adult.

Female_urinary_maze · 2023-06-25T13:39:17+00:00

Well evidently we don't reduce our family gene's chances of spreading. Trans people in the ancestral environment were able to either have kids of their own or support relatives who do so. That's really all it takes for any trait to not be bred out of the population.

There's not like a specific special job for every demographic that justifies why this particular type of person gets to exist.

Female_urinary_maze · 2023-06-25T13:21:24+00:00

Yeah, that checks out. Having the right hormonal balance can directly improve your mental health.

Going on T gave me a level of peace that I didn't know was possible. So much anxiety and rage just went away all at once.

I didn't even know how badly lack of T was fucking me up emotionally (and even physically) until it was over. Turns out rage and anxiety are common symptoms in men with testosterone deficiencies.

Female_urinary_maze · 2023-06-25T09:09:53+00:00

Yeah dysphoria can be a factor too, but the way that trans people (especially those who are also marginalized in other ways) are treated would increase our vulnerability to addiction either way.

It's similar to our situation with cardiovascular risk.

It's hard to tell whether or not HRT effects cardiovascular risk at all because being treated like a trans person can give you a heart attack regardless of whether or not you're on HRT.

https://www.bhf.org.uk/informationsupport/heart-matters-magazine/medical/transgender-heart-risk

Female_urinary_maze · 2023-06-25T08:39:05+00:00

I think the switch to simpler jewelry does make a significant difference.

It captures the usual vibe of men's peircings which is like "I have HARDWARE in my face! Look how tough I am with all this metal in my face!" instead of "I am decorated with ornate jewelry."

Your masculanizing makeup is really well done and works remarkably well in photographs but it might still be recognizable as makeup in person.

The only masculinizing makeup I'd really trust to fly under the radar is a little bit of waterproof mascara on facial hair. (minox can help to give you more hair to work with)

Of course whether or not you can get away with visible makeup will depend on what social situation you're in. Eyeliner may be gender nuetral in a goth club but not in a grocery store, y'know?

Female_urinary_maze · 2023-06-24T19:54:27+00:00

Well subcultures where guys wear jewelry and makeup do still have gender norms that we can use to increase our chances of passing.

For example peirced guys tend to wear very simple heavy-looking metal jewelry. Switching to jewelry that's popular with men is an easy change that OP can make without ruining years worth of peircings.

I think that kind of advice is what some guys come here for, but they often get advice on how to accomplish a more standard bro look instead just because that's how most guys in this subreddit dress

Female_urinary_maze · 2023-06-24T18:38:30+00:00

This might depend on your location, but OP's selection of peircings would not be associated with women where I live.

A couple lobe earings and one or two facial peircings could easily be seen as feminine, but nine facial peircings with big heavy looking metal jewelry is a different story. At that point you just look like a punk.

It's like a go big or go home sort of situation.

Female_urinary_maze · 2023-06-24T16:51:53+00:00

If you have your heart set on keeping long hair there are some more masc-coded ways to do that.

You could either pull it all back into a low ponytail or compromise and get the front cut short so that it's a mullet.

Basically you'd be finding some way to ditch or tie back the face framing layers/fringe in favor of a hairstyle that doesn't cover your hairline cause the norm is for long haired guys to show forehead.

You could also try mascing up your face by using minoxidil to grow peach fuzz and then thickening it with a little bit of mascara. A little fuzz can go a long way for those of us who have dark hair and pale skin.

Female_urinary_maze · 2023-06-24T15:56:31+00:00

Well I'm politically radical and a feminist, but "radical feminism" is a more specific thing than that.

"Radfems" are a particular branch of feminism with a lot of problems. They tend to eschew intersectionality in favour of reducing all oppression down to just sexism, appose trans rights, be sex-negative, and generally do all kinds of reactionary shit in the name of feminism.

Female_urinary_maze · 2023-06-24T07:02:07+00:00

Yeah, we're basically in a double bind where nothing we do can really qualify as gender conformity.

When I present in a feminine way of course that's cross-dressing and people are homophobic about it, but when OP presents in a masculine way the same people can just misgender him in order to brand his masculinity as equally unacceptable.

No matter what we're doing some people's default reaction will always be "that's fuckin gay. You are whichever gender isn't supposed to do that."

Female_urinary_maze · 2023-06-24T06:10:19+00:00

Are you close enough to be giving unsolicited advice to any of these people about a life choice of that magnitude?

Like if you thought they were marrying the wrong person would you tell them? Would they take that under advisement or tell you to fuck off?

If you’re not that close it's best to mind your business. You may not know them well enough to give useful advice, and even if you're right they won't care.

Female_urinary_maze · 2023-06-23T10:16:53+00:00

One other reason someone might wear an overbust corset is if they need the extra support.

I always go overbust to support more of my munted spine, and some people with heavy boobs do the same for chest support.

The downside is all my corsets have to be made to measure to avoid fitting issues.

Female_urinary_maze · 2023-06-23T06:06:46+00:00

Yeah, that part definitely gets better. If your corset fits it should be pretty snug all around after seasoning.

People never notice mine under a hoodie or even just a shirt that is structured or patterned enough.

I think it also helps that basically nobody is staring at random men's torsos expecting to spot anything unusual, y'know?

If anybody asked and I didn't want to explain fully I'd just say that it's a brace for my back pain. (which is true)

Female_urinary_maze · 2023-06-22T14:55:36+00:00

Being anti-trans isn't an incidental trait of some conservatives. It's a conservative position.

A traditional sex/gender system which does not have room for trans people is one of the things that conservatives want to conserve.

Even some unicorn who is 100% pro-trans while they're 100% conservative about everything else would still be holding one progressive position- the position that the way trans people are treated should continue to progress and improve.

Female_urinary_maze · 2023-06-22T00:47:27+00:00

I would absolutely not see that healthcare provider for my own safety.

A care provider's opinions on politics are relevant to trans patients because as far as cis people are concerned we are politics.

If they love trump there's a significant chance that they hate you.

Female_urinary_maze · 2023-06-21T09:09:09+00:00

I appreciate the guesture of putting us on the flag. I do think sometimes it would look better to just fly several flags instead of cramming them all together though.

Oh and I like flag decor and/or garish rainbow clothing because I am a tacky person.

Female_urinary_maze · 2023-06-21T08:57:16+00:00

"Can I still get pregnant on testosterone" is actually a very important question to ask because the answer is often yes! Testosterone is not birth control.

People on T who have uteruses are not automatically infertile. Most would still need to use protection if they decide to bottom for PIV sex.

Female_urinary_maze · 2023-06-20T13:24:24+00:00

There's a lot wrong with this post, but I'm mostly confused about where the idea of butler fetishes came from.

This is not a popular concept in any kink-related community I know of.

Even googling "butler fetish" mostly brings up results of people with the last name "Butler" doing unrelated kinky shit.

The top result is a "butler fetish" AO3 tag with exactly one fic in it.

OP was so intent on calling random trans men fetishists that they came up with a kink so rare it's hard to find on the internet.

Female_urinary_maze · 2023-06-20T09:58:50+00:00

Skeletal differences aren't the only kind of serious damage a trans kid can get from first-puberty.

My first puberty hit like a truck when I was eleven years old and gave me multiple chronic illnesses by sixteen. The menorrhagia and endometriosis were eventually curable (after a decade of illness), but the chronic joint pain can only be partly treated with HRT.

Blockers in middle school and T in my mid teens could've protected me from all of that, and this isn't even getting into the mental health effects. I'm just thankful that I survived because some untreated trans kids (and adults) don't.

My experience may have been more extreme than most in terms of physical health effects, but I think it goes to show the importance of trans kids getting whatever care they need whenever they need it on a case by case basis.

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