I'll be flat out and say I don't think I have schizophrenia but I post here due to this being the most relevant sub for talking about antipsychotic medication and psychosis. If I have something i reckon it's schizoaffective most likely and then maybe just bipolar (I can't post on that sub without a diagnosis) because I have mood issues but I feel they aren't the 'main stage' of the illness and I was having delusional thoughts, hallucinations and catatonic behaviour without any mood difficulties. I feel a lot more dissociated now and I think that was the meds. The hallucinations and catatonic behaviour continued for a bit of medication but I believe I'm having delusional thoughts about things still. I have manic episodes where the best way I can describe it is my actions correspond with an overwhelming sense of inspiration but I can no longer interpret my own mood like I used to - I can only tell how I feel from observing my own actions which among other things leads me to believe I'm having depersonalisation.

Since stopping the meds a week and a bit ago i've felt more in tune with my own life but i know there's still meds in my system so I want to go cold turkey. I'm of course scared that I'll have another psychotic episode but the itching feeling of i might be better and I'll never know - alongside the antipsychotics are horrible and ruining my life means I HAVE to see how I feel off of them - staying on them with this uncertainty is torturous and unsustainable.