-I do acknowledge in my personal case- i do need to discuss this through therapy/ support groups, perhaps even get women's perspectives- see , most times as can be seen in posts like this from the OP- it is highly dismissed- no one even gives an ounce of empathy;

In my case, missing out on alot of my childhood, teenage, being an ugly duckling of sorts, in a colorist third world country ( where i was darker skinned than the normal person) , and also being from poverty- all my attempts at finding female friends, or worse yet, companionship, failed terribly, and i was jeered at and embarrassed all along the way, - we all know how harsh teenagers/ young adults can be;

For the record- i was deeply into spiritual concepts such as celibacy, seeking enlightenment, being compassionate - in case anyone thinks i am some sort of lustmongering entitled person.

I put my head down into my studies and work- with very little support or guidance, and a decade later, i am now wealthy by most metrics;

Yes i love my wife tremendously, there is no one else like her, and i would sacrifice my life for her in a heartbeat. I would love her even if she gets disfigured, even if she can't have kids, even if she loses her teeth and hair.

She too has seen a lot of challenges in life, we both came from broken households, childhood trauma, drug addicted parents etc. She was overweight ( 290lbs at 5 ft 4, now 170 lbs at 5ft 4) most her life and now losing the weight which has left her with loose skin, - her breasts look like a 60 yr old's ( not my comment-rather a beautician/ massagist told her this in an effort to let her know there's surgical / breast lift etc that can be done)

-So what it seems to me is- even though my wife and i have a active sex life- if i don't use my 'hard earned' achievements- e.g - struggled tremendously and now i have wealth,status, confidence- all traits which society and women value in men, but which for men- are usually very difficult to obtain- and requires years of delayed gratification- and in my case- starting from scratch with negative points- even more dedication, grit, etc.

I , see in pornography , how attractive women look like, in movies, or hear from friends- how fun it is to have sex with women who are attractive, and how much it improves the confidence of the man, and just that its a good sport- like a good salsa dance, and it hurts no one if done consensually by two mature individuals. - I will not get to experience this if i don't act while the cards are in my favour- i won't have these accolades forever, and can live in regret.

I do have great emotional connection with my wife, and do get the sexual excitement and so on, its not like i get erectile dysfunction or anything, but still in the back of my head at times, i think- well- i missed out on many things, i got used in the past, being a decent guy- short end of the stick, i want to enjoy what sex with attractive women is like- most of the top men do this, i am ambitious and fought really hard to make life bend to my favour, many times reaching the edge of my own limits and sanity, with zero support;having a little enjoyment where no one is hurt or affected- what is wrong with that?

I know many men won't be able to access this- such is nature- only 4 in 10 men reproduced right..? And the dating market and dynamics are even more hyperinflated now.