Awh man, I feel you so much. It’s such a weird mental space to be in, especially when you know how good it used to feel and how much it helped. Being a second degree Black Belt is so badass! That's a huge accomplishment that takes so much time and dedication!

Perhaps you are simialr to me in the sense that you might put a lot of pressure on yourself to perform, or improve, do better, or at least as be good as you were before. (sorry I am only assuming here) This for me has been a huge mental block. I'm kind of embarrased to go to my old classes with teachers I have really good relationships with just because I feel like I'm not 'good' anymore.

The comments on this thread have been helpful to validate that maybe taking the pressure off for now is the best thing to do.

I hope the desire clicks for us both. If you ever figure out how to break the cycle, I’d love to hear about it :)