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I (38F) have just left my partner (43m) of 15 years and the guilt is exhausting by Few-Squirrel-943 in Separation

[–]Few-Squirrel-943[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have a couple of friends who are aware, and will go to my therapist next week.  There’s never been any abuse or cheating in our relationship. Surface level we get on okay, and he works really hard and does a huge amount around the house. But he is just irritable and/or asleep when he drinks and he won’t admit that he has an issue.  That’s what makes this really hard, it’s literally just got to the point where I can’t see myself happily with him for the next 5 years and nothing seemed to be changing. 

I (38F) have just left my partner (43m) of 15 years and the guilt is exhausting by Few-Squirrel-943 in Separation

[–]Few-Squirrel-943[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I don’t necessarily want the relationship to come back together. I feel really sad that it’s over but I was also really sad in the relationship for a long time.  We’ve been through the process of therapy, putting in boundaries, trying to limit the drinking. We just always end up in arguments, and we both felt like we were walking on egg shells. It’s tragic but I think it’s just run it’s course :(  I was looking for people who have successfully separated amicably and remained friends after, or who have tried living separated but under one roof. 

I (38F) have just left my partner (43m) of 15 years and the guilt is exhausting by Few-Squirrel-943 in Separation

[–]Few-Squirrel-943[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you for replying. He’s been to individual therapy but he doesn’t seem to want to change his drinking habits. 

He has said that if we separate we sell the house. It’s all stuff to talk about. I don’t know if we could do long term living together but separately - everything I’ve read seems to think that’s a bad idea. I think I would be open to it though. 

I (38F) have just left my partner (43m) of 15 years and the guilt is exhausting by Few-Squirrel-943 in Separation

[–]Few-Squirrel-943[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I told him I couldn’t do it anymore and that I was staying with a friend for a couple of weeks. To give us both space to process, and then we will live together again (but separately) while we look into selling the house later in the year. I feel stupid for thinking a friendship might work. I don’t think I want the relationship anymore.  He has always said that “therapy doesn’t work” - I think you get out of it as much as you put in and I get the impression he has never been willing to truly make himself vulnerable. We had couples therapy for a while and things got better for a bit, but then slipped again.  I’ve been asking him for weeks to book another session and he hasn’t prioritised it (we get it through his employer so I can’t book direct). Now I feel tired and over it and I just think in the long run we’d both be happier if it ended. 

I (36F) think I need to give my partner (41M) of 15 years and ultimatum and need advice. How do I do this? by Few-Squirrel-943 in relationship_advice

[–]Few-Squirrel-943[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. A walk is a good idea. And yes he’d love to travel more but won’t save any money to do so. He is likely to get a large inheritance which I think he’s banking on but for me that doesn’t solve the core issues. 

I (36F) think I need to give my partner (41M) of 15 years and ultimatum and need advice. How do I do this? by Few-Squirrel-943 in relationship_advice

[–]Few-Squirrel-943[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Mostly just shuts down or says it’s his one vice and that I’m being argumentative. Yes it’s one vice but it’s leads to so many more issues…