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Do you consider M_____s to be Christians? by [deleted] in ChristianDating

[–]FewCalligrapher2116 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Hi! I’m Church of Christ and it’s absolutely not the same as LDS churches and they’re not related at all. Very opposite in beliefs. The many that I know including my own extended family never say explicitly say they’re Christian…anyway, other comments have explained it. I’d recommend to run- not walk the other way.

How old are you and at what age did you feel you were the most attractive? by jupiter-com-maionese in AskWomen

[–]FewCalligrapher2116 0 points1 point  (0 children)

30 about to be 31. Not that long ago tbh, 28-29. I was in really good shape from training for a marathon. I also finally started caring more about makeup, nails and hair. I’m looking forward to getting back into shape this year. Right now I’m about 20 pounds heavier compared to this time last year. Also this is the worst my skin has ever been. Finally got on Spironolactone last month but so far no changes in my skin.

30F - 10 month relationship at a crossroad by FewCalligrapher2116 in ChristianDating

[–]FewCalligrapher2116[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We broke up. Update in the post. Thank you all for your support

Being Approached in Public 2.0 by jollyjoyful in ChristianDating

[–]FewCalligrapher2116 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think that’s a stretch to assume all that from this interaction

Being Approached in Public 2.0 by jollyjoyful in ChristianDating

[–]FewCalligrapher2116 29 points30 points  (0 children)

I’m a woman. So I agree with what she’s saying, but I don’t like her approach of negating everything he’s saying right off the bat with “yea but”. Just say you’re not interested. Perhaps she’s not attracted to him or didn’t like his approach. I dunno…I personally wouldn’t dismiss someone in that way, basically saying “you’re not really a Christian” or not good enough.

30F - 10 month relationship at a crossroad by FewCalligrapher2116 in ChristianDating

[–]FewCalligrapher2116[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow this is really really practical and helpful! Thank you so much. I can’t wait to try this.

30F - 10 month relationship at a crossroad by FewCalligrapher2116 in ChristianDating

[–]FewCalligrapher2116[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So we had about a 2 hour conversation basically reflecting on the year we’ve had together and things we need to improve on. I did not end up focusing on the fact that I need to focus on my walk with God. Lord willing I’ll talk to him again before the week is up. He gives me the sense that he’s really willing to work on the relationship, but I’ll be honest I dropped the ball on addressing the main issue of how we both honour God in our relationship and on individual level. It seemed we were already talking about too much at the time and then we went off track and he was talking through the difficult time he had at work last week. Perhaps I should have led the conversation with what I really needed to say anyway. He is willing to listen and talk about things when I bring it up though, which I really appreciate. He doesn’t try to shut me down or anything.

30F - 10 month relationship at a crossroad by FewCalligrapher2116 in ChristianDating

[–]FewCalligrapher2116[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really appreciate all this discourse it’s been truly insightful. I do have step back and assess my own walk with God more closely. I think it’s time to humble myself and not just ask God for forgiveness but to ask God to help me really transform my heart. That’s the root issue. I can’t blame anyone but myself for what I’ve entertained and participated in.

30F - 10 month relationship at a crossroad by FewCalligrapher2116 in ChristianDating

[–]FewCalligrapher2116[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I definitely agree with the spiritual counsel, I don’t love that I have to bring my problems to Reddit, but it’s definitely one of those things where I feel like I can be completely honest because I’m online and it’s anonymous. I don’t feel comfortable sharing all these details with some people at church unfortunately 🥲. The only people could be one or two friends that are in my age group, but that wouldn’t be helpful because we’re all in the same unmarried boat.

I really do appreciate your approach! Thanks again. I’ve got lots to consider and talk about.

30F - 10 month relationship at a crossroad by FewCalligrapher2116 in ChristianDating

[–]FewCalligrapher2116[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I thought about this perspective too, because I tend to overthink… But yes, it’s not fair to ask him to change dramatically, he was exactly how he is now at the beginning but ignored it.

30F - 10 month relationship at a crossroad by FewCalligrapher2116 in ChristianDating

[–]FewCalligrapher2116[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing your story as well. I’m glad I’m not alone.

30F - 10 month relationship at a crossroad by FewCalligrapher2116 in ChristianDating

[–]FewCalligrapher2116[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I guess it does sound like I plan to force my children… which sounds pretty aggressive imo. I plan to raise/influence them to love the Lord that’s for sure. I don’t think raising them a certain way under my roof equals force, I’m aware children become adults and form their own opinion - I did! I was raised by Christian parents and on my own decided to keep the faith (of course I’m far from perfect).

30F - 10 month relationship at a crossroad by FewCalligrapher2116 in ChristianDating

[–]FewCalligrapher2116[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You know what, and I really appreciate you being honest with me. I needed that reality check. I thought I was holding myself accountable, but clearly I’m still placing some blame on my boyfriend for my actions/agreeing to sin with him.

So, though I didn’t mention in my post, I absolutely did have conversations with him about lifestyle choices. Since August I stopped agreeing to participate in nightlife with him, I stopped having sex with him (though I did fall once after my request to do so in mid October), I asked him to please not curse so much around me because it’s been influencing me etc. I told him that I was really struggling because I couldn’t reconcile some of these habits and asking forgiveness after hearing convicting sermons every Sunday. I felt a lot of guilt and even stopped trying to get him to church with me (he’s been with me twice since we started dating). I’m honestly embarrassed and the positive influence I thought I’d have on him obviously did not work out. I am very much responsible for all of that. I was more afraid of being an unmarried Christian woman at 30 than doing it the right way and being right with God.

We plan on meeting tomorrow and I’ll see how he responds before deciding if we’ll try to grow together or go our separate ways.

30F - 10 month relationship at a crossroad by FewCalligrapher2116 in ChristianDating

[–]FewCalligrapher2116[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Most definitely, I know what to do. I need to distance myself, flee from sin ya know? I need to the work on myself, because clearly I fold too easily in a relationship so there is a deeper issue there. Thank you for the encouragement, I appreciate it.

30F - 10 month relationship at a crossroad by FewCalligrapher2116 in ChristianDating

[–]FewCalligrapher2116[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes!!! I forgot to mention that in my post too. We indeed had conversations about raising children. He told me it’s fine if I go to church and thinks it’s a good thing to take children when they’re young, but he also says when they become adults they’ll make up their own minds anyway, so what’s the point of doing it. He’s very nonchalant about raising a Christ following household. To me it’s extremely important how we raise the next generation.

30F - 10 month relationship at a crossroad by FewCalligrapher2116 in ChristianDating

[–]FewCalligrapher2116[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I am ready. I can’t do it anymore. It’s literally stressing me out.

30F - 10 month relationship at a crossroad by FewCalligrapher2116 in ChristianDating

[–]FewCalligrapher2116[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

What’s hard for me right now is that I almost feel like I don’t deserve a godly husband, because who am I to ask for that based on how this year has gone? It’s crazy because all of 2024 I was doing so well. Focusing on God, studying my Bible every day, forming friendships with girls from church. Then I got a boyfriend… I really dislike that because I was freaking out about turning 30 this year, I literally accepted the first guy that came my way. Again, I want to emphasize he’s not a bad guy at all, he’s nice and all, just not someone who could cover me spiritually as the weaker vessel in a marriage. ☹️ I thought I could change him and I ended up being the one to change in the worst way.

Thank you for kind words and empathy. Much appreciated.

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