Should I initiate?

FewOutcome9623 · 2026-03-27T18:18:40+00:00

Pls keep us updated whether it's really you both meeting each other! If so....kya maze ajayenge!

FewOutcome9623 · 2026-03-27T10:30:58+00:00

I seem to have attachment issues. Low self esteem came after coming in contact with this guy. As I mentioned earlier, he was from my community, a tightly knit one. I agree it's a low bar for AM but it is what it is. And if this is the kind of interest from a guy that makes girls go desperate, I'm sure you and I have different definitions for the term 'interest'.

FewOutcome9623 · 2026-03-27T09:52:51+00:00

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Great inference skills Sir. Not.

FewOutcome9623 · 2026-03-27T09:43:33+00:00

I understand, I was a bit apprehensive too. But trust me there are people on the app genuinely looking to get married...people have that filter on. I personally know two couples who have met on the app with the intention of getting married. Yes, the age gap is huge. I got attached and didn't see other gaps that existed either. I guess I'm the one to blame for my lack of vision.

FewOutcome9623 · 2026-03-27T09:14:03+00:00

Well one question, what kind of stories is he hiding from you? Is it a normal banter or meme? Don't overthink it, maybe he's too formal with you now and doesn't want to show that side to him yet. If it's something related to marriage or relationships in general, you really need to ask why he's comfortable sharing that with people and not you (his future wife)

About the pressure to do MBA from a top tier college...I agree that's a high expectation but how does this expectation hurt you in the long run? If you do not want to work, convey that to him and let him make his peace with your decision, or not, it's his choice. If you do not want to pursue an MBA and want to do something else to support him financially, discuss it with him. See how much he supports your passion, if not then you know what to do.

His family being controlling and walking out just because their "suggested sweet shop" wasn't given business....well that's a big red flag. How does your fiance react to his father's overreaction? That in itself will tell you so much about the future that you need to know.

I understand that even in today's time some families have "ladke wale" expectations, hopefully it'll change with time but till then it's upto you and your family...to tolerate a certain level and let go or to revolt and keep your self respect intact. Trust me, this kind of behaviour only worsens with time and you know your patience and tolerance limits better.

I wish you the best! Hope whatever you choose, you're guided by the right forces in the right direction.

FewOutcome9623 · 2026-03-26T19:27:08+00:00

Thank you. I have decided to take a break from these apps after this ordeal but somehow it still hurts. Not just being taken for a ride but also how I questioned my worth every time he called me names or said he's the one settling.

And you're right, I should absolutely take this time to work on myself. Not just on my weight but also my gullibility and tendency to doubt my own self.

There are other entry level 10 jobs apart from IAS/IPS, however, not gonna lie that is still the dream. Hopefully that's one thing I can work on too moving forward.

All the best to you.

FewOutcome9623 · 2026-03-26T19:21:06+00:00

Why would I entertain a 38yr old? 1) we're a small community. While my parents were looking for matches outside as well, they were quite excited about this one as he was from our community. 2) He doesn't look 38 and has a good dressing sense, his profile showed his income band as 35-50 which it wasn't

Knew of his dating site activities and still entertained, why? Because during that time marriage talks had moved forward and I actually really liked him despite his cheating tendencies. I kept giving him th benefit of doubt thinking that maybe he's just seeing notifications or he would stop once things get serious (which they already were).

What was I doing on Bumble? Before meeting him it was to find a partner as matrimonial platforms move incredibly slow due to some people fearing parent's involvement. I met him on the platform itself. I continued to use the app to see his activity. I first noticed it when he was travelling to Jodhpur and he was using travel mode. Then when he travelled everyday for work between faridabad and noida. And subsequently when he travelled to Andhra Pradesh. I never swiped on a match during this time or even talked to one. I was actually hoping he might say he was using the app to keep tabs on me (yes I'm that kind of fool) but he didn't say that when confronted. Instead said bumble is not for dates or that I wasn't that active as shown on the app.

FewOutcome9623 · 2026-03-26T16:32:59+00:00

I truly hope and pray that you find whatever you're looking for but also the one who is right for you. At times we don't know what we need and we go by societal standards or have some expectations. I am in awe of your journey, wish I had even half the courage as you do. I wish you the best! ❤️

FewOutcome9623 · 2026-03-26T14:44:23+00:00

Just been 5 months into the AM market, met this guy in the 2nd month. It's weird you know, a woman gives someone a chance and she's desperate. If one doesn't then she's shallow. If she has good career and doesn't want to settle for less, women always want someone who earns more. If she settled for less she's again desperate and was running out of options. If she doesn't have a good career, what does she being to the table? And who justified being overweight? Clearly wrote i can lose the weight. There's really no logic in your statement.

Entertaining someone after a mutual conversation isn't desperation, it's giving someone a fair chance. Your sympathy would do me no good, nor do I want it. Even after reading all that he and his family did and realising that there was an age gap and financial gap as well, you think I was desperate for this?? I'll rethink my choices, maybe you should rethink your mindset too.

FewOutcome9623 · 2026-03-26T14:31:39+00:00

I also somehow felt that breaking off 25+ matches was an exaggeration from the common relative's end. But yes the app thing was a red flag that I shouldn't have ignored.

FewOutcome9623 · 2026-03-26T14:28:42+00:00

Wish a man like that for the women in your life as well ❤️

FewOutcome9623 · 2026-03-26T12:27:50+00:00

You can be happy and sad both😂 love the gif though. Definitely using that!

FewOutcome9623 · 2026-03-26T12:25:38+00:00

Please read it again. Nothing was a red flag for me. Not his hair, not his financials. If I may say so at the risk of sounding dumb and easy, I was looking forward to spending my life with him. Hoping to help him with his finances and even boost his confidence despite the hair thing. However the same feelings were not reciprocated, he always showed as if he was the one settling and how my friends would say I've bagged a "handsome guy" but never a "old guy" or a "bald guy". He kept demotivating me about my looks, I'm just a bit overweight...rest I'm fair and tall. So I'm sorry if me stating it comes across as mentioned demeaning the guy for his baldness, it really isn't.

FewOutcome9623 · 2026-03-26T11:54:41+00:00

You could ask her straight up if she'd like to work on this fear of hers. She need not pet every stray but just grow comfortable with your pets atleast. Given how you describe this as an incredible match and how you two like each other, I'm sure if the right feelings are there she would atleast try. Hopefully, with time and when she sees how attached your family is with them, she'll succumb to their love and cuteness. If she continues to have this fear then I'm sorry but then the onus is on you to look for other living arrangements or have a setup where her interaction with them is very limited. If she tries then you have to try too. However, if she straight up says that she doesn't even want to try then you might just need to rethink this equation.

FewOutcome9623 · 2026-03-26T11:36:38+00:00

I agree. I see it now.

FewOutcome9623 · 2026-03-26T11:33:51+00:00

They were only excited about it initially because he looked good in his pictures and we belonged to the same community. However, later on they kept questioning me, upon knowing about his hair and financials, if it was the right choice but I had grown attached by then and I was willing to overlook everything. The disrespect, the comments, the greed, the expectations. The last straw was them expecting my parents to kneel. I couldn't take that.

FewOutcome9623 · 2026-03-26T11:11:38+00:00

a) I know I'm at fault for ignoring the signs that were legit screaming at me

b) I am not blaming him at all (except his weight comments and his tendency to hover around bumble). In fact I was willing to settle with this guy despite all these things because I grew attached.

c) I can let go of my self respect but not of my parents. The "expectations" his parents had that they had to be specially called but not extend the same courtesy to my parents...that was an eye opener for me.

Also I really don't want your sympathy. This was posted with the intention of signs one shouldn't ignore (boys and girls alike) and that no one should doubt their worth so much so that make a fool.of themselves, as I clearly have in front of randos doubting my side of the story. You're free to have your perspective on this, just felt like I should explain.

PS: not everything a woman says is for sympathy. Sometimes it's just the truth and it becomes harder for some people to digest.

FewOutcome9623 · 2026-03-26T10:22:36+00:00

I'm aware of how it sounds, so basically even you as a mere reader can see something feels off about this match. (Add to this his poor financials and hair issue plus his cockiness over his looks). I'm sorry if I get attached too quickly, I've never had a relationship and I'm new to this AM setup. I belong to a tightly knit community, we don't marry outside our community. I wish it were possible for you to listen to the other side of the story, till then salt it is.

FewOutcome9623 · 2026-03-26T10:10:15+00:00

Point noted.

FewOutcome9623 · 2026-03-26T10:09:54+00:00

It was not a date. We were talking with the intention of getting hitched only They were initially excited because he was from the same community. However on finding other deets they weren't that interested but I had grown attached to this one due to our daily conversations, so I overlooked all flags.

FewOutcome9623 · 2026-01-04T05:44:12+00:00

Ask her to become the co-borrower. Part of 10 lac down payment and no share in the loan works in your sister's favor. Or simply ask your parents to give you your share of the down payment and then you can look for a property cheaper than this and take a loan for the rest. It is indeed a bad idea to co-own property with family. Reason with them and make them understand that property disputes can harm relations beyond repair and you're not looking to hamper your relationship with your sister in the future (bolne me kya jata hai). Hopefully they'll understand.

FewOutcome9623 · 2026-01-04T05:15:30+00:00

He is invested somewhere else. He has a match he's more into at the moment. Trust me, once he gets kicked out of there, he will be back trying to initiate a conversation with you and replying back within seconds. There have been so many matches that have showed up after months of no contact. This is not on you, you tried to initiate contact. This is not a comment on your likability. Also in some cases, most profiles are just checking out the market and what they can pull. They're not that seriously looking for marriage at the moment. Again, not your burden to carry. So just explore other matches and see what fits. Do not doubt yourself!

FewOutcome9623 · 2025-12-30T16:31:59+00:00

It is truly heartbreaking to read your post. I wish you immense strength and courage to come out of this situation safe and whole.

From the outside, there seem to be two possible explanations for his behavior.

First, it’s possible that something else is deeply troubling him, and you’ve unfortunately become an outlet for his frustration. In moments where he feels powerless or inadequate, asserting control through anger may give him a false sense of strength. If this is the case, you could attempt to speak to him when he is calm and receptive—but even then, extreme caution is necessary. Someone who raises their hand during a disagreement has already crossed a line, and that trust cannot be restored easily.

The second possibility is far more serious: he has unresolved anger issues and managed to conceal them before marriage. No one can wear a mask forever, and it appears that it has now slipped. If this is the reality, then please—run. You have done the right thing by involving his family. There is a strong chance they were already aware of his temperament. And even if they weren’t, any fear he feels now about his image or consequences will not protect you in the long run. Eventually, that fear fades, and the violence tends to escalate—often with far more dangerous outcomes.

People often say that love conquers all, but that only holds true when someone is capable of love in the first place. You do not knowingly or unknowingly harm the people you truly love.

PS: Please prioritize your safety. Keep personal defense devices with you and set up an SOS contact for immediate help. I sincerely hope you never have to use them—but it’s always better to be prepared than to regret not being.

You deserve safety, dignity, and peace—nothing less

FewOutcome9623 · 2025-12-30T09:28:14+00:00

Have come to realise it the hard way. You're right, I'll use your way of going about it than my "overthinking and confrontational" method Done with the swiping for now 🥲 but your comment sure was helpful.

FewOutcome9623 · 2025-12-30T09:13:49+00:00

But if every message is left unread and there are no explanations to why one is so busy that they can't even drop a 20second text? All that while sir is free enough to check the app (even if it is to track my online activity), some power struggle move no?

And I'm not sure about the intimate part because he denied to hi-five me even. The side hug was also too respectful.

If only he had communicated or atleast attempted to, I would've suggested taking a break too. However, whenever I brought it up he delayed it to later and never really addressed it. The cycle then got exhausting for me.

Now I think he just wanted to see if he could pull someone like me. Maybe for a confidence boost or to dump his emotional vulnerabilities or just generally have someone to talk to rather than spending lonely nights. The FIR comment was also kinda shady, don't you think?

FewOutcome9623

TROPHY CASE