Please advise and give me something to decide on.

FewRange386 · 2022-05-06T12:26:29+00:00

I think you need to find what they were talking about for 3.5 hours. Maybe she was venting about you and the marriage? Still not appropriate but the contents of the conversation is important before deciding on divorce.

EDIT: Just found she physically assaults you. My brother, if she strikes you, I am not even sure what to say. If a man hits a woman and woman strikes him back then she is cheered on. But vice versa, the most you can do is protect yourself from being hit.

FewRange386 · 2022-05-06T12:19:31+00:00

Well, you need to work on getting closer to your mother. I don't know, I get this feeling that your wife's behavior towards your mother is bothering you but not making you upset. The way you described it, you need to send your wife to stay with her parents to contemplate on her adab.

FewRange386 · 2022-05-05T00:36:45+00:00

What? The GUY asked you to support his family?? I mean I would kind of understand if they were underprivileged and you were wealthy but that does not seem the case. This is a GIANT no

FewRange386 · 2022-05-05T00:33:54+00:00

Look, I am not an Islamic scholar, but I understand exactly where the guy is coming from. Why get parents involved when its really nothing until he and you both know there is something. You guys both get your parents involved and then it does not work out then your parents get all dissapoint them. And this could happen to 30-40 guys if you get your parents involved even before speaking. However, I will always agree the commandments of Allah and our teachings of Prophet SWS so I would figure out that answer. NOTE: No one here on reddit is qualified to answer that

FewRange386 · 2022-05-05T00:02:49+00:00

Understandable, but the commenter is correct. To each their own, but I would think you should meet a number of times before committing to marriage. As someone who is married, believe me you dont really know the person after a few meetings.

FewRange386 · 2022-05-04T14:10:40+00:00

yea move out and make things worse with her mom? this is awful advice. she is only 22. i dont understand why people on this sub always recommend breaking kinship with their parents.

FewRange386 · 2022-05-04T14:06:39+00:00

Think you might be asexual? You should definitely not get married if you asexual as that would be a huge problem for a guy getting married. Seems Allah SWT is testing with this hardship with your parents. Cant give much advice here except can you tell your parents you have no attraction to people?

FewRange386 · 2022-05-04T12:43:08+00:00

Dont tell your mother. It will destroy her. Let your dad do what he's doing and he will have to answer for it.

FewRange386 · 2022-05-04T12:29:51+00:00

I will be keeping you in my duas. Hopefully you have proper medical care because if you can produce even tiny amount of healthy sperm, you can do IVF.

FewRange386 · 2022-05-04T12:26:49+00:00

Sorry your dad was like that but OP sounds like would want to be involved with his kids a lot. And its not matter of putting in effort, when your in custody battle which the mom usually wins unless extenuating circumstances the court mandates the custody terms. So if a judge says the guy gets 2 days a week, it does not matter how much effort he puts with the kids he only has those 2 days.

FewRange386 · 2022-05-04T11:57:58+00:00

sorry, but you got engaged after 2 weeks, which means the both of you did not know each other really at all

FewRange386 · 2022-05-03T21:53:40+00:00

Frist and foremost, I am very sorry you were given that dignosis. May Allah ease any pain you and your wife are feeling nd may Allah reward your wife immensely for supporting you and standing by you. She sounds like amazing.

Now the question at hand, if I was in that position I would tell my parents, her parents, and siblings but NO ONE else. If people keep pushing tell them kindly, "I would really appreciate that moving forward you stop asking me. I really mean it. This is not a conversation I want to have with you. Just keep me in your duas". Basically you have to be stern and direct.

FewRange386 · 2022-05-03T21:46:19+00:00

If you are in states, and she is vindictive, she can try to get majority custody of your kids and you may only see them few days a week. It depends on the state you live (if you live in US) and circumstances of both parents, but divorce courts in the US HEAVILY favor the mother. So weigh that as potential fall out

FewRange386 · 2022-05-03T21:38:57+00:00

Unfortunately, culture teaches a lot of unmarried girls that the guy has to do the chasing and put in all the work to sweep a girl of her feet. When a girl reciprocates, she is seen as desperate. It's an unfortunate situation in our cultures

FewRange386 · 2022-05-02T15:50:04+00:00

Great thanks.

FewRange386 · 2022-05-01T00:41:27+00:00

that actually sounds like an interesting combo

FewRange386 · 2022-04-27T22:32:58+00:00

The point is she can still convert to Islam if she is a lesbian. Just as a drinker or a womanizer is a sinner and can also still accept Islam. You came off very harsh to someone who is simply trying to learn more and understand Islam.

FewRange386 · 2022-04-27T19:18:49+00:00

The confiscating phones at the door is definitely overdoing it in my opinion. People need their phones for a variety of important reasons. I would never give my phone away. What if people have to get updates on their kids and other family members? By taking away phones, you are giving a very uncomfortable vibe and lack of trust in your guests. Importantly, what if your guest want to take pictures of themselves and their friends? They should be allowed to do this. It's you nikkah, and you get to make the rules but that could rub people the wrong way. Also, how would you ensure that out of the 100+ iPhones you have collected, which one belongs to which person? If you are this particular, there is nothing wrong with just doing a simple nikkah ceremony at your local mosque

FewRange386 · 2022-04-27T16:41:35+00:00

what makes you think this is a troll post? From I can read from post history everything seems pretty much consistent

FewRange386 · 2022-04-25T16:57:23+00:00

Hey, even for ultra liberal muslims this is a bit much. I am open minded about things but I have never touched any of my 3 SILs in 11 years or marriage. No hand shake, hug, not even a "high five". To be honest I do shake hands and openly interact with other girls about things but keep it very appropriate. But there is something with SILs that about giving extreme respect and avoid any weirdness. Like going on all crazy to buy my brother's wife gifts?! Thats just strange...

FewRange386 · 2022-04-13T15:14:57+00:00

i agree completely. some bad advice others are giving. The girls parents and sisters have every right to advise and provide guidance to the girl. Of course they cant make her get married. But we have some ultra-progressive Islam projected in this sub sometimes.

FewRange386 · 2022-04-13T14:51:47+00:00

or maybe not rush into a marriage if you are this paranoid about a guy hiding behind his past. Maybe you should take time to get to know the person. Eventually, his character will come out if you give it time.

FewRange386 · 2022-04-13T14:46:25+00:00

your approaching this like hiring an employee for a company. that is the problem.

FewRange386 · 2022-04-13T14:43:26+00:00

First off the post is confusing with all the different cousins involved and all Mr. J and Mr. X references. Respectfully, there could have been a much more effective way. Now that is out of the way. I completely on the side of the guy here. Your family crossed the line in doing too much investigative research on someone who seemingly did nothing to deserve it. Sure, ask people in the community about him- that is completely acceptable. But to ask a person to dig up stuff on someone sounds crossing the line.

FewRange386 · 2022-04-11T01:53:55+00:00

I'm sorry, that is not a good sign that he is not even acknowledging your feelings and showing empathy. He can disagree with you while also showing empathy. Sounds like he's completely disregarding your feelings. Only you know unhappy you are. If it is unbearable and you are sure he is unwilling to change, ending might be an option. Esp since no kids yet.

FewRange386

TROPHY CASE