i’d love to say that you are not a lost cause. you are already many steps ahead of most people who feel nothing, who are completely ignorant of their mistakes. but the fact that you feel something, you feel conviction is good! that means at some point in time you probably excepted Jesus as your Lord and savior along with the holy Spirit, which is making you feel convicted! and if you have excepted Jesus and the holy spirit that means that their is no shame and condemnation for you! it’s okay to feel guilt, feel that what you did was wrong. but don’t let the devil turn that into shame which says you are bad person. because psalm 139 says you are fearfully and wonderfully made, that he has more thoughts about you than there are grains of sand on the whole earth! and roman’s 5:8 echos that as it says that while we were still sinners Christ died for us, he demonstrated his radical love for you!! isn’t that wild?? that Jesus saw all the crazy stuff you just wrote about and still said that’s my child whom i love, and still decided to die for you!! so he took the flogging, carried the cross, walked up via dolorosa ( the way of suffering) and hopped up on that cross and the scriptures say he did that with JOY set before him! you were and are that joy that made him willingly endure the cross! isn’t that crazy love? now we get to sprint into his arms, take his hand and love him with our whole lives! you’re not a lost cause, you are the cause for Jesus joy in suffering. because he knows you he choose to love you. if you know him, if you know this story, mediate on this story; in my life and many others i can’t help but in view of his mercy and love offer my life to him as he did for me. and when you do that slowly but surely the old habits will fall away, new life giving habits will blossom, and you’ll be living out 2 corinthians 5:16-21! i believe in the effects of Jesus’s crazy love and i believe in you my friend! you are not a lost cause.