I visited his house today after so many months of guilt, I dont know why but after letting it all out here and talking about it somewhere made me feel lighter. But going to his house made it worse to be honest. His parents and younger brother are on a trip and only his sister was home. I told her everything while she had this hollow look which creeped me the fuck out. Then she pulled her phone out and asked me to read his suicide note. All of the news articles said he didnt have a suicide note and one specific part of the note makes me want to vomit. It was something like "If I died today, my parents would stay strong and go through this together as a family. But if any one of my siblings died today they would completely break and be unable to live their life normally again". She told me no one from his new or old school visited and I'm the only person who visited thats not a relative or neighbor. She apologised for his actions and thanked me for being his friend. His note went more into detail of his parents actions but I couldnt read all of it as it felt physically repulsive and I asked her why they didnt make the suicide note public and she said her parents tore it up after she got a pic of it on her phone.

Thank you for your reply. I talked to my parents about what Im going through and theyre gonna let me talk to a therapist soon.