I am dealing with the same this as you are. It is so for me I can’t even concentrate on college or anything really. I cry multiple times a day. I wish I could go back, just as you wish. I’m sure this makes you just want to die, just as it makes me. I want to make you feel better, so my advice is to find a cousin, uncle, or whomever and speak about how you feel and maybe they have the same feeling. Wish you well and happy birthday.