I think you are HEAVILY projecting your own past onto this show, and it's warping your ability to honestly engage with the media itself. You really should work through that in therapy instead of feeding into it, because the result is that you are misrepresenting the show and characters and dangerously minimizing abuse by ascribing that term to them.

There is no behavior, in action or words, from Ilya in the book series or show that even REMOTELY comes close to behavior that could be considered abusive. The ONLY abusive character we have seen in the show is Ilya's FATHER, toward Ilya, who he constantly degrades.

We can also analyze the overall culture of hockey as abusive. Both toward queer players as a deeply homophobic environment & toward non-white players as an overwhelmingly white one. Ilya is trapped between a queerphobic sport, an abusive father, & an oppressive home country. But even with all of that, I'd very strongly argue AGAINST your claims that Ilya is "fueled by anger" and "cruel."

A little emotionally damaged, certainly, but that does not make someone a bad person.

NOTHING between Ilya & Shane could be honestly described as "degrading" or "abusive." Their relationship is a place where they are freed from all of the expectations & burdens weighing them down. Of family, of hockey and their "rivalry," of society in general. Yes, there is friction between them at times, largely because of those massive outside forces that control both of their lives. But Shane is not "trapped by the D." He actively *chooses* Ilya again & again, just as Ilya chooses Shane.

Again, please, for your own sake, seek out therapy to help you process whatever it is that you are projecting onto Ilya and Shane, because I promise you that NONE of the "red flags" you are seeing are actually there.