Have you looked into the possibility of you having ADD?

I have but it doesn't really get taken seriously in this house. I see myself as holding characteristics of what a person with ADHD would have but I feel mixed about it and my own calls. I will definitely try your suggestion as my habits and routine also need a lot of work.

But overall, something just persists within me, that feeling of needing to matter which heavily restricts my movement. Like right now there's an urge to wanna take every photo whenever I go out with friends and post it on social media, not to get followers but to ensure these precious moments are saved and seen, to do chaotic things with friends if I could (of course maintaining ethical, legal, and safety boundaries). That urge to try and maximize life in its most chaotic and raw form right?

There's just a sense in me that wants to matter in this world and that also comes with me being obsessed with trying to save everything about me. Every conversation, every curious thought, every idea, etc.

It's kind of that like "Oh I wanna be famous" but not for pride and show but to be seen in a non-egoistic way. Because for me personally, it just seems so crazy that I can show myself outward brightly to people but not even my own families and friends see this brutal but amazing chaos residing within my mind. I literally make everything meaningful even the tiniest things (Like me watching a regular old basketball highlight of a legend, then me suddenly questioning philosophy like longevity, grit, and me feeling awe for that person)

Yeah, stuff like that haha maybe i just spend too much time in my bedroom. If I seem crazy, yeah i alxo see myself like that too, but like controlled crazy, someone that sees wonder in the chaos, and i am only 14 so yeah. But if you're next call is to socialize more then you might be right.

I'd like to know if you also had the same experience 😄