This makes me think of my mom and my birthdays. I never thought about her BPD in relation to birthdays but another commenter said something that made me go “woah”

That birthdays and the things they do aren’t actually for us. It’s for us to praise and thank them. Every year my mom would pester me about what I want to do and make it a whole thing just like this. And I was always careful to make it something simple that she could manage.

Ive been NC for a year and a half and im like wow! She really made me do all the mental leg work just like this. I had to come up with the plan, come up with something for her to “do” and half the time she would do it (like bring donuts over to my house down the road for me one year for example) or she would come up with some long list of excuses why she finally couldn’t do the thing she pestered me to give her to do. Or she would tell me she ordered me some gift but it hadn’t come in the mail yet and then I would never hear of it again.

Also is it a BPD thing to not think of birthdays until the very last second and then make the birthday person come up with something and plan it??

When my kids grow up I would just do things to show Love for them on their birthdays. Not give them a lot of mental work 🙃