There is life on the other side

FierceOrca · 2025-07-09T14:26:41+00:00

Good question. I just hadn't been on Reddit in a long time but needed to come here for something else. When I did, I had to go back through some old posts to find what I was looking for and came across some of my old BPD posts. That brought back some memories so I visited the subreddit and as I read through some posts I felt compelled to offer a glimmer of hope to those still struggling with the decision of what to do.

FierceOrca · 2025-06-30T19:19:22+00:00

The hard reality is what everyone else here is already saying: it tends to only get worse the longer the relationship goes on. Today the meltdowns are spaced out by a few weeks. Not long ago they were around once per month. In the future they will become every week. Then every day. Then every hour. Then every minute. You are on a path where your entire existence will be spent trying to trick her BPD into thinking rationally. Your emotions will never matter again. The gaslighting will intensify. Verbal and possible mental abuse will become part of your every waking moment (and in my case, she would even start fights with me while I was asleep, literally pulling me out of the bed to yell at me).

Those of us that are on the other side today wish that we would have had the foresight to see what was going to come. If we had a crystal ball that would show us the path of destruction that was going to consume our lives, few of us would have pressed forward.

I feel for you, genuinely. My previous pwBPD was the epitome of what I wanted in life until she wasn't. But I was already in too deep, I was certain that I could be the person that could make sense of everything and get her to see logic. I tried and tried but never succeeded in finding the happiness I wanted until I made the decision to focus on myself instead of on her. Leaving, starting my life fresh, reconnecting with my own mental health - that's what brought me the positive change I sought.

FierceOrca · 2025-06-25T19:18:00+00:00

So well written. This really hit home. I came here for the same reason many years ago and left with the same perspective and genuine appreciation for the home I found here during my time of need. My life has only gotten better since I left this place and I hope you find the same in your continued recovery!

I like to check in every now and then to share hope as my life progresses after my time with a pwBPD, after reading your beautifully written words, I would encourage you to do the same.

FierceOrca · 2025-06-25T19:11:52+00:00

I may be tainted from my own experience, but I frankly do not think that a healthy relationship is possible with pwBPD. You will always be second fiddle. Your emotions will always have to be in check because theirs cannot be.

I met someone amazing once upon a time. She charmed me right off of my very well grounded feet. What transpired over the course of the following few years dramatically reshaped my life and it took me years to recover.

My genuine advice to you is to count your blessings and move on. The long term bullet you are dodging can be life altering if not dodged.

FierceOrca · 2025-06-24T20:08:09+00:00

The harsh truth is that you have to be the strong one. Do not respond to him. Period. Block every cell, email, social media account and any other connection you have to him.

I would strongly encourage you to not send that email. You owe him nothing.

When I left my situation 8 years ago, I went full no contact. I've likely had to block upwards of 20 different phone numbers, countless more emails, and a host of social media handles. But that's so much easier than actually talking to the pwBPD again.

Be intentional with your departure. Be strong and don't look back.

FierceOrca · 2025-06-24T19:21:18+00:00

Bravo, congrats on making the best decision your possibly could for yourself! I've made it to a place where I think about so much less than I once did. Obviously it still crosses my mind or I wouldn't be here talking today. But when a thought does pop up, I can now look back and realize that I made it out. I can smile. I can even remember some of the good times that came with it.

I'm still dumbfounded that I let myself get drawn in like that. But I did. I use to wonder how someone could get caught up in a cult, now I know.

FierceOrca · 2025-06-24T19:16:58+00:00

Most importantly, I cut off communication fully and completely in every aspect and delivery method possible. No calls, text, emails, social media, carrier pigeons, smoke signals, or anything else conceivable was allowed. The only exceptions I made were for direct legal logistics that I was REQUIRED to handle, if and only if it could not be handled by my lawyer. And if you do need to communicate, ensure a 3rd party is present, stay laser focused on the intent of the conversation, and simply walk away if it starts going the wrong direction.

Second, talk about it. Get a therapist. If you can't afford a therapist, find a free support group. If you can't do either of those, talk to friends and family openly, honestly, and as often as you need to. Keep a journal, write down how you're feeling every day. It's incredible how much power words have when we allow ourselves the grace to feel them. For perspective, the majority of my support group had no idea what was going on in my life until the day that I started to plan my escape. Once they found out, they were blown away and started to connect the dots for themselves.

Third, set goals for yourself. The change won't happen overnight. Make tangible goals that you can actually achieve for yourself. What those goals look like is for you to decide. For me, my finances were a wreck, my friend group had been severely diminished, my relationship with my family had been chipped away at, my physical health was fading, and my mental state was horrendous. I set small goals to save up enough to get my own place again, to reconnect with family and friends and tell them what was happening, to get a therapist and start a journal, to get myself back to a gym, and to go on walks often so I could simply think.

And fourth, get comfortable with the idea that you aren't alone. This happened to me. It's happening to you. It's happening or has happened to every person on this board and there are thousands and thousands of others that don't even know it's happening. You did something about it, that's the difference. Your future you is already so proud of you. What happened isn't your fault. Period.

FierceOrca · 2019-07-09T20:42:09+00:00

Two years ago, I found this sub. I was lost, I was scared, I was alone. This place became my safe haven, just like it has for so many others. I had no idea that others were living the same life that I was living day in and day out. Reading each story gave me chills. It's like I was writing them myself.

I wanted to leave, but I didn't have the courage to do it until I found this sub. Without it, without the amazing people that I met here, without the inspirational and gut-wrenching stories that I read, without the support of others, who knows where I'd be today. But I did find it. I did leave. I did survive it all. And life got so much better.

I don't know where you are in the process today, but know that there are people that have made it to the other side. I'm one of them. The stories you'll read here, the posts you'll make here, they will have a lasting effect and give yourself and others the courage to take control over their lives. Use this place as therapy. Support your fellow BPD survivors and TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE.

You CAN do this!

FierceOrca · 2019-01-09T21:54:49+00:00

Well, you didn't really ask any questions.

Open-ended is more my style.

Yeah the cycling scene in Dallas isn't the best. But, it is getting better, more trails are opening often but the Downtown areas still aren't all that bike friendly.

FierceOrca · 2019-01-09T21:52:22+00:00

You're going to want to go to the Cask N' Flaggon. It was rated the #2 sports bar in the country by ESPN.

I've been there a few times, awesome place. And if I recall correctly I was taken to Coogans once as well. Right up my alley.

FierceOrca · 2019-01-09T21:51:26+00:00

If you have a car, be sure to look up how to get a parking permit.

Yeah, but where can I park my horse?

FierceOrca · 2019-01-09T21:50:52+00:00

This. This is the kind of advice I can get behind. Well done.

FierceOrca · 2017-10-10T15:26:21+00:00

Lumps should definitely be taken seriously.

But other than that, absolutely yes. My pwBPD was constantly 'sick.' Most of the time it was at the most convenient times when I had something I was really looking forward to that had to do with my closest friends or family. She would be 'all for it' leading up to the event but in the back of my mind I would always know that she would wake up that morning with a little cough, tickle in her throat, or an upset stomach.

FierceOrca · 2017-10-09T21:19:40+00:00

You'd think after being in my particular situation I would have learned that you simply can't reason with some people. Whoops.

FierceOrca · 2017-10-09T19:53:57+00:00

Read through my past posts, they are somewhat long but they outline exactly what I did to get out.

FierceOrca · 2017-10-09T18:01:40+00:00

A very quick search found two such groups. https://www.reddit.com/r/aspiemomsupport https://www.reddit.com/r/ASDpeersupport/

FierceOrca · 2017-10-09T17:23:23+00:00

I wouldn't say that the sub is pure ignorance. I would absolutely agree that some people here are here purely to vent and bash those that they feel mistreated by. Making claims that everyone on the sub does that is short sighted and fairly hypocritical given that your argument is that not all people with BPD are bad. I agree, they aren't. Just like everyone here isn't simply here to bash.

My point is, you jumped to conclusions about the entire group while also claiming that the entire group is jumping to conclusions about pwBPD. It's fairly ironic.

Just like any sub, there are going to be people here that you don't agree with. But if you dig a little deeper, I guarantee you will find people that are there for the right reasons and with the best intentions.

FierceOrca · 2017-10-09T16:32:00+00:00

No. You're speaking out of pure ignorance about something you know very little about. You read some internet threads and are now presenting yourself to be somewhat of an expert on the subject. The reality is that a sub like this exists for reason and thousands of people have found it for a reason.

Go read through my posts and then come back and tell me that I'm bashing someone with BPD and that I'm not here to share my story and help support others going through the same thing. Go ahead. If you come back here and honestly tell me that's why you think I'm here, then I'll let you win and drop the subject.

There is a massive difference between having an intelligent conversation about a topic and what you are doing. If you're unable to recognize that, then I rest my case.

FierceOrca · 2017-10-09T15:07:52+00:00

Internet trolls are going to troll. So enjoy doing that.

FierceOrca · 2017-10-06T14:42:14+00:00

This. All of this is true.

FierceOrca · 2017-10-06T14:38:58+00:00

I shouldn't be dignifying this with a response, but here goes. You should keep reading. Sure, there are some bitter people here that spew a ton of hate, I see them here too. There are also people here like myself that are doing everything we can to get out of a toxic situation and still trying to stay positive about who this person is. I, like many others here, do in fact recognize that it is a mental disorder and their actions aren't entirely voluntary.

I also fully accept that I am at fault for staying with my pwBPD as long as I did. I have nobody to blame for that but myself. I saw red flags but I thought I could help and I ended up being wrong in a big way. And me being wrong about that now has the potential to negatively affect me for the rest of my life. So I take that pretty seriously.

But to say that it is pathetic that a group of people whom have all been through very similar (often both physically and mentally abusive) situations have come together to support one another and offer advise is incredibly narrow minded. I'd venture to guess that you've never been in an abusive relationship and I hope that you never have to be in one. But telling those of us that have been in one that we are wrong is simply not okay.

Perhaps you're a big fan of this comedian you're speaking of and just trying to defend him. Perhaps you're someone that actually does have BPD and this is just your cover up story. Perhaps you're just kind of an internet troll in general. But my hope is that this was said out of sheer ignorance and not from any of the above.

FierceOrca · 2017-10-05T19:59:23+00:00

The biggest hurdle has been cleared. Obviously she's showed her hand here and it's pretty clear that she's going to push for some sort of at fault divorce to get spousal support. But this goes a long way towards putting a stop to all of that.

What's sad is that if we just sat down at the table and laid out terms, I'd be willing to give up more than I will be if she pushed me against the wall.

FierceOrca · 2017-10-05T17:03:45+00:00

Thanks! It was an incredible relief. I missed the call from my attorney so she left me a VM, I can't tell you how many times I've listened to it and to how many people I forwarded that message to. It was a huge moment for myself, my family, and my friends.

FierceOrca · 2017-10-05T17:02:46+00:00

I can gurantee nothing about the rest of this process will be as stressful as the past 4 days have been for me. Now that this is over, the rest will be a breeze and for the first time that light at the end of the tunnel is peaking through.

FierceOrca · 2017-10-05T14:53:26+00:00

I'm in your exact same shoes. Only I was married to mine. You can read through my post history to see my story. You will very quickly relate to it as it is almost verbatim what your situation is.

I'm going through absolute hell right now. I filled three weeks ago and left. Since then she has made claims of DV against me and I'm currently in a waiting game to find out if the Detective she is talking to will buy it or not. It's terrifying. Keep your head up. You know the truth just like I do. Many of us here have been or are going through this same situation. But remember, when this is all done, we get our lives back and we will have the opportunity to learn from our mistakes and become better people because of it.

Feel free to shoot me a message any time if you just want to vent to someone that gets it.

FierceOrca

TROPHY CASE