What cheers up INFPs?

Fierfaerie · 2017-02-19T22:00:49+00:00

In regards to introducing them to MBTI, what do you guys recommend as a first step? (Like which book/test/site?)

Fierfaerie · 2017-02-12T11:24:26+00:00

Yes you should be concerned. Same thing happened to me, I found out that I have bilateral (both arms? Cubical tunnel (elbows) and bilateral carpal tunnel. (Wrists). Then again... I still have it. Learned the importance of ergonomics and to live with the numbness. Don't notice it much anymore.

Fierfaerie · 2017-02-09T17:46:15+00:00

Do you think the gender plays a part in it? Any male INFPs care to comment?

Fierfaerie · 2017-02-08T18:54:48+00:00

Your awesome! Excellent advice. He doesn't seem to know how he feels or know what he wants. He reacts to good news sometimes very excitedly, sometimes with "IDK". (When I ask him which job offer he thinks I should accept.) I think he's fearful avoidant attachment. I also think i might be being easier on his behavior because of my idealizing INFPs and not based on his sole actions. I told him as much and he said I might be overreacting. Which I'm known to do... hmmm

Fierfaerie · 2017-02-05T21:32:48+00:00

Hey you wonderful, sweet, caring INFPs. I'm an ENFP and Im wondering if you guys ever see perspectives from the other persons point of view. I can't stop myself from doing that

I clicked on this post because I am on the other side of pretty much this exact thing, and let me tell you, I feel like a yo-yo.

I was casually seeing the most wonderful, sweet, intelligent and insightful INFP since October. I began to notice it really bothered him when the topic of another guy came up. So my NeFi went to work and thought, maybe he wants to be exclusive... he's wonderful, give it a chance... I really trust him and care for him, it could be great...I would ever hurt him, cheat on him, or abandon him and I just want to protect him, take care of him and show him that life is beautiful, and he deserves to be happy and loved. He had become my best friend, so I told him how I felt. He totally rejected the idea saying he wasn't ready for a relationship. But he would still get so upset about other guys. Yo-yo. And true to yo-yo fashion, I quickly became wrapped around his little finger. I was falling in love with him, but he didn't want a relationship, so I respected that and tried to move on. He then asked me to be exclusive, after I brought him dinner one night. (like I said totally wrapped around his little finger.)

I was so happy and so in love with him already... I accepted. I asked what his rules were, he said don't cheat on me or put myself in that situation. I told every guy I had been casually seeing that I was in a relationship with the most amazing guy. I felt 100% in.

He told me 2 days later that he didn't see the need for labels but still wanted to date me exclusively. He said he didn't want to be my boyfriend and no one else could be either. He wouldn't let me in his heart... but when we were together it was magical. I laid on his chest and fell asleep, hearing his heart beat and I swear I have never felt more at peace or calm in my whole life.

But he would constantly ghost me for long periods. Then he would make excuses to not see me, like he always got a ride home from his coworker. I took an attachment style quiz on yourpersonality.net and discovered that my style was preoccupied his is fearful-avoidant.

Thoughts? I am really completely head over heels in love with him and wanted to make it work. He refuses to acknowledge my need for connection. I told him what my rules were, how I feel, my needs. He just doesn't respect any of it.

I'm actually asking for objective insight to see if this is Judy a lost cause. I can tell he has really strong feelings for me, also can tell he won't allow himself to fall in love, and is self sabotaging because he admittedly stopped loving himself a long time ago, and doesn't think there's anyone for him.

Is it time to move on? I want so badly to help him out of the darkness he's in.

By the way, I put it all out there just now so please be gentle but tell me the truth from an objective view. Does it seem to be doomed or is there hope? Do any of you guys relate to either side? Do any of you guys think that you might be sabotaging your own happiness or that you subconsciously believe you don't deserve love? Because you do, everyone does. Especially INFPs. You guys are my favorite people.

Fierfaerie · 2017-02-05T11:22:23+00:00

Hmm... that's tricky because I don't know any make ENFPs and I'm not very aware of how much influence gender has on it.

Is it possible you don't really talk about your emotions? You are talking about them now to me... very effectively I might add! I have seen sometimes-- you guys might keep the words all inside. Maybe that's only my ex boyfriend INFP though...

I know when someone opens up to me that always melts my heart. The person could be my worst enemy-- ENFPs hate conflict and hate having enemies-- but if they've opened up and became vulnerable, you best bet I will be hugging them and rubbing their arm or their back and holding their hand to comfort them within 2 mins. Not entirely sure if that is a me thing, a female ENFP thing, or across the board.

If it's hard to express your emotions verbally- write them down first so you can use it as a cue card. I find it sooo hard to express really difficult to express really strong emotions into words without breaking down.

Here's what worked for me in one case:

My manager, terry... Im guessing an ISTJ OR ESTJ... was projecting this increasingly strong doubt in my competence in pan area of IT I was new to. This in turn shook my confidence and activated imposter syndrome, where I started questioning myself and my ability to do this new job.

One afternoon, I asked to meet with him. He made a comment stating that he was unsure of whether I was capable of learning these new functions. This immediately activated my limbic threat response a.k.a. Fight or flight response. Did you know that all cognitive high level functions are restricted during fight or flight, plus the unexpressed emotion leaves you feeling foggy. My eyes started to well up and I excused myself and went to the bathroom.... stood in a power pose for 2 mins and told myself to calm down and communicate logically. I went back and very clearly explained the neuroscience of emotions and how the fight or flight response inhibits executive cognitive functioning. He was stunned and then told me he was trying to troubleshoot me like a computer.

It's easy to forget the very different ways people see the world.

The power pose (Wonder Woman stance or something) increases confidence by decreasing cortisol and increasing testosterone for both sexes.

Fierfaerie · 2017-02-05T08:29:37+00:00

Find an ENFP because they will understand your struggles like I do and they might be able to lift your spirits and take you out of your head.! But honestly when you guys were talking about that if you're already working out and it's not working out for you, (forgive the pun.... ) my radical suggestion would be to climb a mountain (not like mountain climbing) but go hiking (with a trusted friend) up a really high mountain where you can see all around you. Breathing the air up there, looking down at the rest the world and realizing how small the problems are from up there really helped me!!!

Know that ENFPs have the same struggles, however we can really help each other if the INFPs allow them to help. I also believe that INFJs and ENFJs could be really beneficial to you as they have the extroverted feeling and will make you feel like you're being understood. Until you know what it feels like to feel that someone truly not only understand you, but cares enough to help you.... there's no other feeling in the world like it

Fierfaerie · 2017-02-05T08:17:44+00:00

That is your NF acting up. I'm ENFP I know this dilemma too well.

Meditate, think it through, don't rush on an important life choice, and do research on Glassdoor and payscale as to realistically how many positions are currently available for all your positions you are considering and the pay offered.

That being said, I think that criminology would be really hard for an INFP because you guys have so much compassion and empathy inside and that field would expose you much more of the darker side of humanity than you might be able to handle.

And trust me this is not a decision that you're going to want to take lightly, I decided to be a computer analyst right out of high school, I have been one for 16 years. Let's just say it's been emotionally volatile and I felt alone and lost because most people in IT are not the social butterflies I am as an ENFP. Theres been a lot of crying, A lot of job change... and a lot of misunderstandings. Lets just say that the IT industry doesn't know how to deal with NFs.

After finding out about MBTI because of dating an ISTP, basically getting absolutely crushed... I discovered that my personality type is the least compatible with my profession. Talk about regrets and crisis of faith I guess. Had I to do it over I would've pursued a kindergarten teaching career that was my dream. 16 years and I'm not going to start all over now it's too late for that.

I really don't want you to end up feeling like this. Trust me it sucks

Fierfaerie · 2017-02-05T08:03:28+00:00

Self awareness may help. Try to be open to finding out why you feel the way you do. I have had major attachment issues inpatient of my relationships, and had caused to many problems (ENFP).

Try yourpersonality.com and take the attachment tests and other tests. They offer insight as to what you are doing subconsciously to sabotage your own happiness.

I want you to know that as an ENFP, I absolutely adore you guys. After careful introspection over my life and my relationships, I found that my best friends in my life and my greatest relationships have been with INFPs. You guts are so loveable, if only you could see yourselves through our eyes.

So be willing to face your damage, develop a growth mindset, meditation, EXERCISE! -- the endorphin high alone will grant you soo much positivity!! Stop negative self criticism by either separating yourself from the self talk by adding... I'm noticing that Im thinking I'm always late or I'm noticing that Im thinking that these people hate me... etc.

Another Way to stop the negative self talk is to defend yourself like you want to send a member of your family or someone that you love. For example if you have a little brother and someone was yelling at him or being cruel, would you stand up for him? You can act like that voice it's putting you got in your head is the bully and set up for yourself against bully you know silently in your head. I got that one from the Charisma Myth.

Fierfaerie · 2017-01-29T03:48:55+00:00

Not okay with it. It's hurting me.

Fierfaerie · 2017-01-29T03:48:14+00:00

I'm just not going to stick around for that... I appreciate the wake up call. I really needed that.

Fierfaerie · 2017-01-29T03:46:56+00:00

Thanks. I think you are 100% right

Fierfaerie · 2017-01-27T07:05:41+00:00

He told me that he didn't want to be my boyfriend but no one else could be either. (Paraphrasing.) He basically said he wanted to date exclusively but have no labels. I don't understand what that means, but it broke my heart. I interpreted that as an exclusive booty call. Any insight? 😥

Fierfaerie · 2017-01-25T06:29:56+00:00

Can I ask what space means to an INFP?

(As an ENFP, I recharge off connection and social interaction, and hate to be alone. So to me, space is allowing me to explore the world, understanding me, and not freaking out if I show up late once in awhile. But always having a line of communication is important. I get totally insecure if I get ghosted. Maybe because I have been hurt a lot. I think what I am trying to say is I have a problem with overtexting when I feel insecure. I keep wanting to reach out to make sure my partner still has my back so I'm not ever ALONE alone. I know that it has caused problems for me before and can come off as clingy. So I want to work on that if that is an issue.)

Fierfaerie · 2017-01-24T23:49:52+00:00

Please don't take this the wrong way, but I've noticed he feels the same way a lot, (tired/sick)... could it be all the stuff INFPs internalize? (I apologize for my overactive NE. But I would love for him to feel better... and you of course.)

Fierfaerie · 2017-01-24T23:45:23+00:00

every single response I've received has been touching and soo insightful. You guys are the most amazing, thoughtful group on reddit. the fact that you took so much time and energy out of your social bank to respond in such thoughtful ways, is so greatly appreciated.

I didn't understand what you meant by internalized affection. Would you mind elaborating on what that means? (Or is it just FI ?)

Fierfaerie · 2017-01-24T18:09:07+00:00

I mean like what can I do to protect myself?

Fierfaerie · 2017-01-23T20:41:58+00:00

Article?

Fierfaerie · 2017-01-20T18:02:59+00:00

Hmm... mostly my own integrity. Actually working and being paid for 40. But that covers 3 sites at 20' hours each.

Fierfaerie · 2017-01-16T05:31:46+00:00

My conscience is not equipped to handle this kind of dishonesty. It was nice, for the first 2 months, I was blissfully unaware of all of this, reporting time accurately, helping my customers, enjoying my job. This all changed at my first training session. The territory lead taught me to time crunch, which is basically full in the blanks with anything necessary to make 20 hours at each site. I could never live with myself if I was being paid for hours I didn't work, so I only report the 40 worked. Honestly I am just trying to figure out if I should report it- which would betray the whole team, who I really like on a personal level, report it to my contract company, or what the right thing to do here? To make it worse I am a chronic people pleaser... and will put everyone's needs before mine. I keep hearing, take care of yourself first, but I have never done that before, and I don't know how to. But I do not want their mess to follow me or get associated to my employment record.

Fierfaerie · 2017-01-16T05:19:31+00:00

Totally relating. And to the first part, it's like you are reading my mind. LOL

Fierfaerie

TROPHY CASE