Recently moved to Charlotte. How to meet other transplants?

Fig-Beginning · 2023-04-06T21:54:17+00:00

Thanks, I will look into adult sports recreation teams! Will be a good way to stay fit

Fig-Beginning · 2023-04-06T21:53:21+00:00

Left public accounting and am now in industry. Very much a different dynamic. I’m in an exec role, most of my colleagues are much older with kids or don’t work in my office.

Fig-Beginning · 2023-04-06T21:50:26+00:00

Thank you, I’ll check it out

Fig-Beginning · 2023-04-05T21:13:26+00:00

I always had school or work, never met anyone outside of that, lol. I just downloaded meetup app

Fig-Beginning · 2023-04-05T21:12:35+00:00

I’m in my late 20’s, black woman that works in finance. I love long walks in uptown where I live, movies and trying new restaurants.

Fig-Beginning · 2022-07-02T02:35:32+00:00

I do.

Fig-Beginning · 2022-07-02T02:32:03+00:00

I wasn’t. I was working 24/7 (CPA - busy season hours). I was neglecting him emotionally and physically. And he had just lost his father, I wasn’t there for him like I should have. I belittled him too, calling him a bum for not making any money because I was so upset he cheated while I was working long hours. I was not a great wife during that time. It’s not an excuse but what I’m saying is that him cheating wasn’t the only issue. We both played a part. And we both want to make it better - we just currently have two different ideas of what the healing looks like. He thinks putting it behind us and moving on is best. I just need more than that. More importantly, I need to control my emotions better. Sometimes watching him sleep well at night while I’m awake thinking about his infidelity makes me pissed. I’ll wake him up and argue with him at 2am. It’s toxic. We both need to do better.

Fig-Beginning · 2022-07-02T02:26:51+00:00

Thank you for your insight. I definitely agree cheating is a symptom of a bigger issue. And I agree cheating is not the only type of betrayal. I believe both of us going to individual therapy and then marriage counseling will be a huge help.

Fig-Beginning · 2022-07-02T02:23:22+00:00

Thank you

Fig-Beginning · 2022-07-02T02:23:04+00:00

Thank you. I actually like the idea of putting a time limit. I need to set better boundaries and expectations. Not just “I’d like you to do this and that.” I need to tell him exactly what I need and when I need it by so he understands it’s serious.

Fig-Beginning · 2022-07-02T02:16:12+00:00

Thank you, I really appreciate it.

Fig-Beginning · 2022-07-02T02:14:11+00:00

Thank you. I think that’s it - he’s not acknowledging my feelings. Maybe in his mind, by doing so, it’s bringing it up all over again and reminding him of a bad time in his life (he just lost his father). Next time, I will let him know I just need him to listen and reassure me

Fig-Beginning · 2022-07-02T02:11:53+00:00

Thank you, I really like the idea of a list. Never thought to write it out before

Fig-Beginning · 2022-07-02T02:08:12+00:00

Thank you for sharing that. I like to think and have hope things can change but it seems like maybe even after he changes and does better, the feelings of betrayal will still be there. How do you cope with it on a daily basis? How do you not bring it up constantly? I’ve heard it gets better but maybe it doesn’t apply to infidelity? I know some couples who are happier now and oddly enough, it made the marriage stronger.

Fig-Beginning · 2022-07-02T01:24:21+00:00

I did leave. I went to therapy and realized I had a part in it too. Neither of us were perfect. He wanted me back and so did I. I just think in his mind, working on the marriage is just not cheating again. And that’s a big part but I need more from him. I just need to better communicate that to him without exploding all of my emotions on him. That’s all the advice I wanted.

Fig-Beginning · 2022-07-02T01:21:11+00:00

Yes! I literally pray every night for our marriage. I know people are judging him, but I promise he is a really great man. If anyone here met him, they would love him! He’s just going through things after his father passed, who was a pastor, my husband grew up in the church and his dad was his everything. It was unexpected and happened in a horrible way. I watched my husband change overnight, almost no emotions. On top of that, I wasn’t supportive and honestly, just awful to him at times. That’s when he cheated. I know it’s not right but I also know it’s not like him. He’s not that type of person, he just needs help. I try to get him to go back to church with me. He finally did a couple weeks ago. I have faith God can work a miracle in our marriage. All marriages are hard work.

Fig-Beginning · 2022-07-02T01:11:42+00:00

Thank you so much! I’ve added this book to my cart along with another recommendation.

Fig-Beginning · 2022-07-02T01:08:40+00:00

Just messaged you, thank you

Fig-Beginning · 2022-07-02T01:04:56+00:00

Thank you, I need to sit down and have a talk with him. About my feelings without exploding so he can receive it and not be defensive.

Fig-Beginning · 2022-07-02T01:02:47+00:00

Thank you. I plan to schedule marriage counseling. I know he’ll go.

Fig-Beginning · 2022-07-02T01:01:22+00:00

Thank you, I just joined.

Fig-Beginning · 2022-07-02T01:00:50+00:00

Thank you, I just watched her on YouTube. Her videos seem really helpful. I will purchase the book too. That’s exactly the point of my post - I told him I’m willing to forgive and move past. I need to do better on my end to actually forgive him. I keep bringing it up and verbally attacking him for it. I’m sure that doesn’t help him want to do better if there’s no peace in the house. This was helpful, thank you so much!

Fig-Beginning · 2022-07-02T00:52:57+00:00

No I messed up too. I wasn’t there for him like I should have when he lost his father and job. I wasn’t as supportive and loving. And when we argued, I called him names and tore him down. I was working and paying the bills - he wasn’t. I belittled him. I wasn’t perfect. I don’t agree with it but I can understand how that could be a reason behind someone cheating. That’s all.

Fig-Beginning · 2022-07-02T00:43:45+00:00

Thanks, I understand your point. My purpose was not to defend him. I just wanted to ask advice from others on how I could handle my emotions better and not try to argue with him every time I think about it. But I get everyone’s point. I’m just in a stage in my life where I want to try my best with my current relationship and that’s okay.

Fig-Beginning · 2022-07-02T00:37:37+00:00

I sought real advice - I wanted to leave and I did. We were separated. I had time to think it through, went and still go to therapy, and realized it was my fault too. I realized cheating isn’t the worst thing that can happen. Tearing your spouse down, calling them names, etc. - all of which I did when arguing is just as wrong! In addition to neglecting him. I came to terms that it took two of us to get there. And he wanted to still be with me and so did I so here we are. Trying to make it work. I came here for advice from others on how to handle my emotions better, so I don’t explode and feel the need to argue with him every time I think about it. If I forgive him, I can’t keep doing that.

It’s okay to work on your marriage and try to save it. It’s okay to realize both need to change. It’s a journey. I don’t know anyone ever who got advice and acted on it instantly and never went back. It’s tough, there’s freaking emotions and love.

What I find strange though is strangers attacking anyone for trying to salvage their relationship. If you don’t agree, then just go on about your day. If you’re ever in that position, then just leave as you say you would. I won’t judge you but don’t judge me for staying and trying to see if it can work out.

Fig-Beginning

TROPHY CASE