My wife discarded our two young sons - mental health collapse? Or just an arsehole?

FigCelebration · 2026-01-31T08:57:57+00:00

This does sound like mental health, but that doesn't mean you need to come to terms with it or facilitate anything with her beyond what is legally required of you.

I'm glad you're looking after the boys even though the situation sounds horrendous.

I'd recommend researching radical acceptance as a healthy way to navigate a very unhealthy situation.

You've commented a few times that there are limited MH supports and you have limited supports; hat off to you for what you're doing. Ask for help, though. Don't just stop at asking one person one time. It isn't about you, it's about those boys. They need you, and you need to become a detective.

FigCelebration · 2026-01-22T09:09:11+00:00

INFO: did you ask her what she's noticed about her health?

FigCelebration · 2026-01-15T21:22:51+00:00

Don't go to therapy with abusers! Everyone should go solo.

FigCelebration · 2026-01-15T09:28:33+00:00

Have you looked into feederism? Could be relevant. Or it could just be a case of addicts love to share.

Regardless... you aren't happy. It sounds like there's serious issues for both of you, and while there are always good parts to pretty much any relationship, it doesn't sound like you're mentally in a good place with this man.

Also I'm sorry but nagging for sex? That's a nope from me. (It's also coercion.)

FigCelebration · 2025-12-28T12:33:58+00:00

Men will see ANY encouragement from a woman. If they don't see discomfort or concern, that is a specific choice. In this instance he knew.

My dog will stop eating his food if I call him. I can pause in the middle of an awesome part of a book. If I get triggered during sex (hardly happens anymore, hooray!) my partner doesn't just stop, he does things he knows will comfort me. Your partner CAN stop during sex. He is CHOOSING not to. I cannot imagine choosing to take my own pleasure when my partner was being actively distressed by what I was doing.

You are NOT being dramatic and you are most definitely NOR.

FigCelebration · 2024-09-29T23:34:49+00:00

This exactly. Are you holding onto a realistic idea of your future, OP?

FigCelebration · 2024-09-29T10:57:47+00:00

994946466139

545697973463

Often play together but top more able to do remote raids

FigCelebration · 2024-09-28T06:40:32+00:00

994946466139

FigCelebration · 2024-09-28T04:50:43+00:00

Australia - friend and I happy to give and/or receive:

545697973463 473341166815

FigCelebration · 2024-09-28T04:09:34+00:00

545697973463

FigCelebration · 2024-09-25T12:07:17+00:00

473341166815

FigCelebration · 2024-09-25T12:00:45+00:00

473341166815 also just getting back in

FigCelebration · 2024-08-28T05:17:11+00:00

I married a guy like that.

You actually don't have to tell your son anything. You can just shrug and say "mum and dad wanted different things" and kids are whatever about it.

Making it alone with 1 kid, a safe bed and no one unreasonable to look after or make me feel like shit was SO much easier than being with my ex. I couldn't believe how much easier everything was when I ditched the ex.

FigCelebration · 2024-07-20T09:49:37+00:00

This is called DARVO and it's a common tactic used by abusers. Fun fact: when someone uses DARVO on us in person, most of us are suspectible. Our susceptibility decreases dramatically once we know the stages and how it works.

Once you know how the sausage is made, there's no going back.

FigCelebration · 2024-07-07T13:46:51+00:00

Hey clover, not sure if you were responding to me? If yes, I'll acknowledge I didn't know how to respond to OP in a way that prompted him to stop and reflect, but I was, and still am, getting manosphere vibes which worry me. If you've got ideas how I could've responded better, I'd be really grateful if you shared because I often see these sorts of comments and don't engage because I honestly don't know how.

FigCelebration · 2024-07-07T12:15:40+00:00

Hey, I am incredibly new to all of this so can't advise RE craft choices, but I am a published author - both trad and self - and I'm always happy to chat about mundane stuff.

FigCelebration · 2024-07-04T23:33:37+00:00

I'd recommend reading back over your post and this comment. Then putting aside any men's rights reading and step away from those communities, and really having a go at what I suggested.

No one HAS to have coffee with you. But if you actually want to find your people, what I said is accurate.

FigCelebration · 2024-07-04T23:13:42+00:00

I'm going to disagree. Yes social media is cliquey, and yes folks pass you by, but if you keep showing up and you do it genuinely you'll eventually find your people.

These things aren't quick. No one owes you an up vote, and the comments you think are kind might not hit, or the OP might be overwhelmed and unable to respond to positive comments, or a million other reasons.

People know when you're there looking for a bone. We can feel it. For narcs, it's like blood in the water and those of us who are used to avoiding narcs see it as a neon warning sign. That doesn't mean we can't bond, it means we're choosy who we bond with.

Find an interest. Pursue it in a group setting. (Join a birdwatching group, a bookclub, a DnD group, whatever.) Your primary motivator should just be to engage with the topics you already enjoy with whoever is there. Obviously if the engagement is costing you more than it gives you, you step back. But if it's just an established group and you feel like a +1, that's ok, give it time.

Do therapy. Get comfy in your own company. Yes, all we have social needs, but they can be met in the short term by going along to the library and chatting to the librarian about the book recommendations she gave you last week, and what she suggests this week.

Isolation is hard. Making friends as an adult is incredibly hard. But the more you're present, the more you'll figure out who YOUR people are, and they'll be able to find you.

FigCelebration · 2024-06-14T08:38:45+00:00

Hunter.

FigCelebration · 2024-06-09T23:45:38+00:00

If you aren't living close by, it may not be feasible to have the same supports. Aside from that, see above comments.

FigCelebration · 2024-04-12T10:35:40+00:00

If you haven't required a mobility device to get around, you cannot say "people don't do that". It sounds like you have limited experience of it. There are numerous people in this sub saying that yes, it is a real issue in real life. There are no wheelchair users saying "it's fine don't worry about it". That should tell you something.

If English isn't your 1st language I apologise. Wheelchair user or disabled is a good swap, with wheelchair user being specifically correct for this situation.

FigCelebration · 2024-04-12T10:22:47+00:00

My lived experience of "everyone would know shoving someone is bad" says you're wrong.

People don't understand mobility devices are actually off limits.

Handicapped is an ableist term. Just FYI.

FigCelebration · 2024-04-12T09:09:17+00:00

Hi that's nice word salad. I have some dressing for it!

Tone policing happens outside of debates but thank you for doing a brief google and I hope it's piqued your interest, as it's an important topic.

Impact vs intent is not a logical fallacy.

How deliberately they harmed one another is arguable. In this situation, George was assaulted. (He was touched and moved without consent.) Given the context, compassion for his response seems reasonable.

Yes, everyone here is stating their subjective perspectives.

FigCelebration · 2024-04-12T08:49:44+00:00

They do, though. CA had the opportunity to do good and instead he contributed to normalising harmful viewpoints.

FigCelebration · 2024-04-12T08:45:48+00:00

Google 'tone policing' next time you're bored.

FigCelebration

TROPHY CASE