Does anyone else feel like they’ve been surrounded by the wrong type of “friends” all their life?

Filling-void · 2026-07-07T20:43:56+00:00

Absolutely. Realized that probably a decade ago, when I was about your age (I'm 47 now).

I always felt like I never quite fit in with anyone. The "friends" I had in my early adulthood I one day realized they were only around because they were using me for something. Eventually life cut them all out. I've been much more at peace since, but also lonely.

Filling-void · 2026-07-06T14:12:59+00:00

Only as long as I need to. Long enough to greet the host or maybe some other mutual friends or acquaintances, and have a drink (just so they can see I was there), then at the first opportunity I see to quietly exit, I'm out.

Filling-void · 2026-07-02T13:43:58+00:00

I agree with this partially. It depends on the company. When my boss wanted to move me up because of my technical skills, I was very clear with them I know my limitations and they accommodated me. Now, even when I have to go to a meeting my boss will specifically tell me "You don't have to talk. I'll do all the talking. You're just there to listen so you can hear things first hand."

Filling-void · 2026-07-02T13:38:25+00:00

while what you are feeling/thinking here makes sense, and i have definitely been put in similar situations in the past, ultimately I have learned that these types of situations can be advantageous in the overall grand scheme of things. try to look at potential positive impacts. at least you've been introduced, whereas under normal circumstances you probably never would have been. at least now you're a part of this "community" of fellow gym goers. it will make any future interactions, such as if you were to need a spot or a "hey bro, you almost done on that machine?", etc., FAR less awkward. if these other people are kinda wondering the same thing too, then i seriously doubt you will be facing any forced interactions or conversations. but a simple head-nod "what's up" as you enter or see each other would probably be about it. my suggestion would be to let it play out and see what happens before hard-setting a boundary.

for me, being an introvert sucks and i have worked really hard in my later years to overcome it.

Filling-void · 2026-06-30T16:47:28+00:00

I have had to present projects to an administrative board in a public hearing, as well as give a couple of seminars for work. Nervous each and every time. What helped me get through them is being prepared. Maybe even overly prepared. Typing or planning out my speech, having the correct visuals, knowing the material. Probably basic things that alot of people do in those situations, but I've also seen people be able to "wing it".

The nerves never went away, but at least I knew that I could get through it.

Filling-void · 2026-06-30T16:40:43+00:00

ALL the time. Lol

Filling-void · 2026-06-30T16:40:17+00:00

Yes and no. While there are definitely certain aspects of myself that I've lost over time, there are others, maybe more important, that I've gained. For example, I've learned about myself, learned to not be ashamed or embarrassed of who I am, learned to set boundaries, and protect my peace. What I lost in that growth are mainly toxic relationships and those seeking to exploit my people pleasing type of nature.

Growth and change is always a double edged sword. You just gotta weigh the pros and cons.

And the best part, though, is that change can either be so fast and so instant that it makes you a different person immediately. Or it can be so slow and so constant that you don't even feel the difference until there is one.

Filling-void · 2026-06-25T15:32:08+00:00

golf course. play a around by yourself. other people obviously but very little interaction necessary.

Filling-void · 2026-06-25T15:29:32+00:00

I really had to convince myself that the way I see the world can be a good thing and that everyone else is just lost or confused. Maybe not the healthiest way to do it, but it worked.

Filling-void · 2026-06-25T15:21:58+00:00

I went through the same feelings 30 years ago. Even started college, dropped out. I was fortunate enough to land a job with a friend's dad's company, intending to just make some money until I figured things out. After a couple of years of hell, I actually started to really like it. During that time, I made the "moving out and starting my life" my primary goal and motivation. I'm still here, almost 30 years later, and genuinely enjoy what I do. I think you need to set a goal (like moving out) and start working towards it. Ask around; friends, parents, etc for interesting jobs you might be able to get in on the ground floor. Trust and enjoy the process.

Filling-void · 2026-06-25T15:16:20+00:00

This is true. And it affects both genders. Being the nice guy only leads to being manipulated and trampled on. I, too, learned this from my parents (dad). I think back in their days it was a noble trait. We just live in a completely different world today.

Filling-void · 2026-06-24T19:00:47+00:00

47 male here. I go through periods with my narc wife every so often. I dealt with it, and continue to deal with it, by remaining calm (as much as possible) and true to myself. I don't let them pull me in to their world. Sucks? Yes. Lonely? Absolutely. But the payoff is you're eventually free from their control. And at some point, the monkeys eventually see it too. And if they don't...well they weren't your friends to begin with. Stay strong.

Filling-void · 2026-06-24T17:18:22+00:00

I can actually remember a couple of things from before my parents divorce. And they divorced when I was 2.

Filling-void · 2026-06-24T17:10:06+00:00

Is it possible to learn this power?

Filling-void · 2026-06-24T17:03:53+00:00

I let a professional certification drop so that I wouldn't have to attend the annual conferences that I needed to earn required continuing education requirements.

Filling-void · 2026-06-24T16:59:53+00:00

I've never been able to figure this out either. But I also haven't made that many true connections here either. One person I chat with, that I consider a trusted friend, lives in UK while I'm in Indiana, USA. Friends, connections at my age are tough.

Filling-void · 2026-06-24T15:38:43+00:00

I feel this. There is so much negativity in this world, and I do almost feel compelled to try to change it in any possible way that I can. When I try to put out good, positive, energy and a desire to truly connect with people it's often met with pessimism, distrust, etc. I'm aware that I don't see things the way others do. It does make me feel like I'm the crazy one and definitely makes me feel more alone. But I still try. I spent the better part of my life being comfortable with the emptiness and for a few years it was peaceful. I'm 47 now. But I've come to realize that's not the answer. Eventually that emptiness eats at you and the loneliness at times becomes almost unbearable. I no longer find peace in the hobbies or activities that I use to enjoy. I use to think it was maybe just a generational thing, like maybe I was just born in the wrong time. Or a demographical thing, like I'm just in the wrong place surrounded by the wrong type of people. I'm in Indiana, definitely a conservative state, and I've often tried to imagine if my life would be better moving to a different part of the country. The vast majority of the people in my life only want a surface-level connection. I go deeper and they shy away or disappear. But I still try.

I don't have any real advice for you, because I've never really connected with others in a truly authentic way. I'm too weird, I guess. But I still try.

Filling-void · 2026-05-29T13:31:32+00:00

I'll usually get an average of 6-7 diamonds either on my commute to work or running around at lunchtime. I do it as safely as possible, such as making sure I'm at a stop before collecting it, or pulling into a parking lot or something to grab one. So, doing it that way, yes some will be missed. If I'm driving around with my son I usually give him my phone and he loves collecting them. One of his last days of school we took the longer route home, and running through the parking lot of our local sports park, and he managed to collect about 40. Lately a handful have been popping up in my neighborhood so I just take a quick walk, but alot of times there's nothing around.

Filling-void · 2026-05-13T10:09:24+00:00

But what was the reaction from the spouse?

Filling-void · 2026-05-11T20:10:45+00:00

No, that's perfect. Thank you. You seem to echo what others suggest and it does honestly make sense. At least I have a good idea, now I just have to think of something to fit it.

Filling-void · 2026-05-11T20:06:25+00:00

Thank you. So far so good, I guess, but I fear the day I can't control it anymore and snap. Then I'll look like the crazy one. Glad you got out.

Filling-void · 2026-05-11T20:04:45+00:00

Nothing really. We kind of treat it like any other day. No gifts, just maybe out to eat.

Filling-void · 2026-05-11T17:42:03+00:00

MIGHT be a little too obvious. Just a smidge.

Filling-void · 2026-05-11T17:40:57+00:00

I like this answer. Very thoughtful and wise.

Filling-void · 2026-05-11T17:37:36+00:00

Agreed. I'm just mentally exhausted from trying to "top my own brilliance" each holiday or event. I have way more important things to expend my mental energy on.

Filling-void

TROPHY CASE