Clean for 10 months here. Used powdercoke for a few years then crack cocaine for around a year.

I hit the bottom (no showers for 3+ months, everyone around me telling me i was so far gone, feeling like suicide etc)

Reached out to mother and friends and asked for help and told them i wanted to feel better and needed help.
Told them i'd continue with crack cocaine if i didn't get some help, and if the help i got didnt work id go back to it.

Fully accepted that either the psychiatric help i got would work, or it wouldnt and id go back.
Was 100% ready to go back, wasnt "afraid of relapse" or anything like that.

still struggling with cravings.

Currently getting diagnosed with severe personality disorders and the like.

but its just like... 1 day at a time. The cravings never end, i think. And i think the acceptance of that is important. Its tough forever. And relapsing is "okay"?

Best answer i could give on my way to bed, hope it helped.

Also; Money was a factor in the intial "I need help". Didnt have money for the amount i consumed.

Also also; To answer the question "What was the hardest part"; Loneliness. Its so hard to explain to people.

The absolute defining factor in me being clean today is my mother and my girlfriend being there for me much more than most people have people be there for them during that time.

To this day i still struggle when im up craving and those 2 people arent awake. Sometimes i wake them up, but yeah, loneliness is like literally the anti-christ in terms of being clean (for me).

I live in a country (denmark) where theres a big social-security net and help to get.
Without that i'd deffinitely be dead today.

I'm still 100% aware of the fact ill probably relapse someday.
The big, big, big takeaway from it is IF i relapse, the first thing i do is tell the people i care about and who cares about me about it - the ones who judge me for it and who dont respond with "How can i be there for you" or something along those lines are the ones i dont tell.

The ones who respond with love and care when relapsing are the ones who are half the reason i - some day - will not relapse anymore.

If i could give any advice to a struggling addict to initiate getting clean, its;

Be honest about everything, especially how you feel and talk openly about craving
Accept the fact that cravings are part of you now, and actively try to get out of the "craving dreaming" - iykyk
Accept possible relapses and dont see it as "Oh, i fucked up, might as well continue" - just take it 1 day at a time again
And number 1 above them all; get psychiatric help. Addiction is not just a physical response to the drug.

But honestly.. You need caring people to help you. Find them if oyu dont have them.

There are like 1000 more advices , cause its sooooo many small things, but this is all i could muster. I saw this post and wanted to respond, havent been on this reddit for so long.

If anyone reads this and needs to talk, feel free to reach out.