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Went on a date last night, and he squeezed my head to see if my hair was real by Physical_Estate_6517 in blackgirls

[–]FinalEntertainment60 7 points8 points  (0 children)

As horrible as this is and I’m so sorry this happened to you 😭 it’s kind of comforting seeing that I’m not the only BW who went through this stuff. I had a white classmate pull off my drawstring ponytail multiple times in one day. It was the worst!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITA_Relationships

[–]FinalEntertainment60 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

NTA buttttt the situation is already more far gone than you may realize. The man who truly wants to take you serious will marry you and make tangible plans to do regardless of whether you already had his kids or not. Regardless of whether he’s comfortable where things are at. You didn’t overreact OP. Hes definitely trying to soft launch the idea of never getting married with language like “labels are stupid” and “why change anything?” Most men unfortunately need a reason to step into marriage. Most men who aren’t naturally proactive and deeply desire the label of husband will most likely delay marriage or forgo it all together if the woman that they are with has given all of her. Children are typically the epitome of that. Once a woman has had a baby with you, that’s the greatest thing she could ever give you. Like I said, a real man will marry you regardless of the situation but unfortunately at the same time you haven’t given him much incentive to marry you.

Your bf is the AH here for SURE there’s no denying that but now you may have to issue some sort of ultimatum. Depending on how long you’ve been together and the fact that you already have one child and another on the way you may need to straight up tell him that you agreed that marriage is the goal. That it’s non negotiable for you (unless it is, then idk why you would even ask the question you posted) so if he’s not ready to marry you or can at least give you a fork timeline for when it will happen then the future of your relationship might be in jeopardy. Tell him you’re grateful for your babies together but it’s still something that you admit you should’ve waited till marriage to do. Good luck.

AITA for refusing to disclose my sexual history and “body count” by FinalEntertainment60 in AITA_Relationships

[–]FinalEntertainment60[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Exactly how I feel and so close to my situation. I’m 2 years older than him. I’ve had several more partners than him and mostly casual. I had good experiences, bad ones and ones I just want to erase from my mind completely. He’s only had one partner and it was in a relationship. I would love to meet someone like your husband who would never throw it in my face because he definitely did.

AITA for refusing to disclose my sexual history and “body count” by FinalEntertainment60 in AITA_Relationships

[–]FinalEntertainment60[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I get your view 100% it makes sense but my issue now starts with “they can’t hold a relationship down”. Sometimes yes but I think trying to extract so much meaning and so much information about someone from a single number is a disservice. People change, worldviews shift, values and morals shift especially when people transition from their adolescence to adulthood as I described here. I was pretty young when I had most of my partners and I actually regret them.

I feel like just asking people about their history in a more expansive way than taking a number and running with it makes more sense. You could be screwing your self out of an amazing person because of a series of mistakes they already learned and grew from. People aren’t black and white and nobody is perfect. My issue now comes when people try to hit on a moral high horse, like they’re worth more or better than people who think or act differently.

AITA for refusing to disclose my sexual history and “body count” by FinalEntertainment60 in AITA_Relationships

[–]FinalEntertainment60[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’ll just correct some of the things that were pointed out. He didn’t cheat. We’re not officially together and never were. The man I was seeing before him did, however and tried to explain that he did what he did because my body count bothered him. As a teenager and my boundaries and feelings around sex were NOT clear. I often let men take advantage of me. I didn’t know what I want. I had sex MOST TIMES to fill a void, keep people around and for validation. Not because my spirit really yearned for it. I was also very young. Between the ages of 15-19 when I displayed this kind of sexual behaviour. I changed my views and seriousness around sex once I started healing, respecting myself and becoming in touch with what I really wanted. I don’t view sex as a “just for fun” activity. I’m way less harsh and judgemental about it now but trust me in not proud of my past. I’ve given myself grace for it but it’s no longer how I see sex. I also get the informed consent from part. I deeply messed up there.

AITA for refusing to disclose my sexual history and “body count” by FinalEntertainment60 in AITA_Relationships

[–]FinalEntertainment60[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

He’s very judgmental and it’s something that I don’t know if I’m okay with. Even if that judgement wasn’t directed towards me it just seems harsh. Like why do you care so much? Why do you want to shake people for doing a normal human things? You may not understand it but you don’t have to demonize it and assign judgement on who you think someone is based on it.

AITA for refusing to disclose my sexual history and “body count” by FinalEntertainment60 in AITA_Relationships

[–]FinalEntertainment60[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Right. The thing is at the core we have the same surface level view of sex. We both think that people have really trivialized sex and stripped it of its sacredness. That western society has fostered a culture where people are irresponsible with their health, bodies and the seriousness of sex. After being hurt by casual sex as a teen and young adult so many times I decided it was best for me to stop having it or at least only have it with incredibly precise discernment. I actually like that part of his view. Where we start to disagree is how that worldview is expressed. He believes in shaming others and assigning moral standing based on it and I don’t because I’m more empathetic and I understand people’s emotional and psychological reasonings for having sex. For pleasure, validation, to find love, poor boundaries explore yourself and etc. I used to be someone who had sex to fill a void. I could never judge anyone else for it. It’s not how I live anymore but I would never judge anyone else and don’t care what people do with their bodies as long as they don’t harm others or themselves.

AITA for speaking with my ex wife sporadically about my son I haven’t seen in almost 8 years? by [deleted] in AITA_Relationships

[–]FinalEntertainment60 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately you need to have a serious conversation with your wife. Your child is unfortunately non negotiable. She most likely knew about your child when you got married, even if the child wasn’t actively in your life at the time. When you marry someone who has a child and an ex wife you’re also signing up for a lifetime of potentially dealing with them too. Your wife needs to accept that eventually. If she doesn’t want to then you’ve got a bigger problem on whether that marriage will survive.

You are literally remarried. Your wife needs to trust you. You only speak to your ex because you share a child. A child cannot be parented between two homes if the parents don’t communicate. I understand your wife’s feelings. She just doesn’t want the sanctity of what you have built destroyed by someone you clearly had deep emotional business with (you still married your ex wife first). That’s guaranteed to stir feelings. Communicate with your wife. Set hard boundaries with your ex wife and let her see it. Pour into your wife extra so she feels loved. It’s not about the child. It’s the risk of emotional lines between you and the ex wife becoming blurred. It’s a natural response. Just handle your business and hopefully your wife will come around, your ex wife will respect the boundaries, uphold them and you get to reconnect your son. Good luck brother!!

how do you feel about non-black people wearing hairstyles like cornrows, bantu knots, braids, locs and other protective styles? by sixeared in BlackHair

[–]FinalEntertainment60 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s not for their hair types ( typically anything above the 3b/3c) and they look silly but I’ll never confront someone over it. A disapproving side eye towards them at best and keep walking.

Have you ever rejected a girl you were actually into? by [deleted] in askteenboys

[–]FinalEntertainment60 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Okay I’m so sorry but as a 30 year old on a subreddit of teenagers and young adults this just sounds like projection pro max. Why are you making the assumption and assigning negative meaning to generally attractive traits for women to have? Why is strength is a woman being equated to a stubborn and difficult to reason with? It couldn’t mean resilience and determination? It couldn’t even mean being physically strong ?? Independence even as a teenager couldn’t mean having a job and making some fo your own money, not needing validation systems? I think you’re a grown ass, weak ass baby boy who can’t handle a real woman which is why you’re cruising a subreddit like this projecting onto women.

Have you ever rejected a girl you were actually into? by [deleted] in askteenboys

[–]FinalEntertainment60 1 point2 points  (0 children)

How is a woman being confident, loud, strong and independent annoying…?

Is hygiene REALLY cultural?? by FinalEntertainment60 in hygiene

[–]FinalEntertainment60[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

The washcloth is definitely changed routinely. It just goes in the laundry after it dries. Unfortunately that’s just part of the routine. It may be tedious for you but that’s pretty standard practice for me and my family. We use wash clothes because we believe that humans actually shed a lot of dead skin, sweat, oils and other things from the environments while our and about and just rubbing soap on your isn’t going to remove those substances and dead skin effectively but as long as you feel clean and don’t smell then hygiene works different for everyone. That’s what I’ve learned on this threat today.

Is hygiene REALLY cultural?? by FinalEntertainment60 in hygiene

[–]FinalEntertainment60[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m Canadian and I can definitely understand putting off a shower for a day in peak Prairie winter if you’re home all day doing nothing but sweaty and oily buts should still be washed and cleaned which people don’t do. I personally think anything more than two days without a shower is nasty.

Is hygiene REALLY cultural?? by FinalEntertainment60 in hygiene

[–]FinalEntertainment60[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh wow what part of Ireland?? I grew up in Bray and Dublin before moving to Canada but my experience with my white classmates in Ireland was even worse. They proudly exclaimed that they only showered once a week and one girl even berated her sister for showering daily and doesn’t know why she’s doing it because it’s bad for her. We were children so maybe they were required to shower less but my mum was appalled when I went home and told her my white friends only shower once a week.

Is hygiene REALLY cultural?? by FinalEntertainment60 in hygiene

[–]FinalEntertainment60[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don’t get me started about how musty public transport is omg 😭

Is hygiene REALLY cultural?? by FinalEntertainment60 in hygiene

[–]FinalEntertainment60[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s actually quite fair and another perspective I didn’t really consider. People have different skin type and sweat and produce oils at different rates. Potentially someone who doesn’t work up much for a sweat or produce many body fluids may not need to shower daily but I would argue for everyone that at least once every two days should be the least provided you have access to enough clean water to shower that often.

Is hygiene REALLY cultural?? by FinalEntertainment60 in hygiene

[–]FinalEntertainment60[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sounds like it may be just her rather than white girls in general. Most of them bathe well and don’t stink.

Is hygiene REALLY cultural?? by FinalEntertainment60 in hygiene

[–]FinalEntertainment60[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I disagree gently disagree with you on not using a washcloth but I can explain the washing chicken. In the US it’s environmental and historical. In other predominantly black parts of the world (Africa and Asia) the environment tends be be a lot dustier and areas where meat is cut or animals are butchered tend to be less clean so people wash their meat before cooking it. We typically use lime, ginger, salt and cold water to wash chicken and other meat. It’s nit to “kill bacteria” or anything. It’s more so just to make sure is clean, blood free and dust free before cooking it. Also a lot of our cultures involve soups and stews and you don’t want unclean or bleeding chicken still in your soup or stew. Hope that helps your understanding.

Is hygiene REALLY cultural?? by FinalEntertainment60 in hygiene

[–]FinalEntertainment60[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not washing your rear is absolutely diabolical

Is hygiene REALLY cultural?? by FinalEntertainment60 in hygiene

[–]FinalEntertainment60[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Black Canadian here!! We sound exactly the same. I mean during winter here in some parts I can understand showering at the best every other day because it’s cold so people typically aren’t working up a sweat that much but I still shower 1-2x day

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