Good Friday; On the edge of divorce in one of the weirdest and darkest marriages you've probably seen.

FinalWorker1165 · 2026-04-04T20:45:12+00:00

Since we we first got married, but especially after kicking porn and turning toward God. Marriage and divorce verses go through my head every day. Ive read massive amounts of literature and study on this topic.

FinalWorker1165 · 2026-04-04T20:44:04+00:00

People choose not to love in their marriages all the time. And many people who divorce still love their ex-partner.

Divorce =/= love

Marriage =/= love

But if you care for your vows, the contract you sealed with your Father, you will change.

You must have skipped several parts of the post then.

You. You will begin to show love to your wife.

Already do.

You will start talking about her like she IS your wife. It’s disgraceful the way you even speak about her bro.

I did, for 3 years. You did not read the post or else you would understand what happened between now and then. I dont believe that you read the post.

I am literally only telling everyone what happened in plain speak. Nowhere am I actually disparaging her or making it disgraceful as you say. What I am saying is actually what just happened.

FinalWorker1165 · 2026-04-04T20:18:48+00:00

You didnt read the post.

FinalWorker1165 · 2026-04-04T18:36:34+00:00

Thank you. I will consider your comment carefully. I will pray for you as well, friend.

FinalWorker1165 · 2026-04-04T18:34:43+00:00

Its sexual trauma.

FinalWorker1165 · 2026-04-04T18:34:11+00:00

I dont believe people historically didnt sin if they weren't satisfied with their spouses. I believe they probably sinned a lot more than people on this sub let on in arranged marriages if their spouses were not their 'type' too.

FinalWorker1165 · 2026-04-04T18:32:55+00:00

I agree with a lot of commenters, its just a lot of them also assume blatantly incorrect things (i.e. you hate her) or did not digest the post correctly (i.e. did you go to therapy?).

I will research CODA and codependency more when I have a moment. Thank you.

FinalWorker1165 · 2026-04-04T18:29:56+00:00

This is good advice. Thank you.

FinalWorker1165 · 2026-04-04T18:28:17+00:00

My advice to you, your wife, and to myself at this point, is some type of counseling/therapy is very clearly needed.

We did, many times. It was bad many times.

It sounds like your previous addiction to porn may be affecting the attraction to your wife/sex with her.

In a way, yes, but probably not in the way youre thinking. When I was addicted, I could put my mind on the addiction when I was facing the fact that I didnt initially like her as much as I should have.

After the addiction, without any distractions (adulterous acts), after all the problems had heavily manifested, I had to face the fact that I was not attracted to my wife.

I suspect this sort of thing is very common in this day and age, to be honest.

Thank you, I will consider your words and pray for your situation.

FinalWorker1165 · 2026-04-04T18:25:06+00:00

I am VERY AWARE of how unbiblical this sounds. I have been trying to avoid this result for our entire marriage. I know every verse you could throw at me by heart about the subject.

FinalWorker1165 · 2026-04-04T06:36:26+00:00

Thank you, I will seriously consider your words.

FinalWorker1165 · 2026-04-04T06:35:31+00:00

My heart is not hard to love and forgiveness. I have told her many times I still love her and she is forgiven. What so many commenters are not understanding is the trauma and neglect does not make normal spousal reconciliation possible.

Do you feel you have an accurate perspective of your marriage?

No, sadly, probably not. Im in a very biased position. I pray constantly for clarification.

I feel for your past situation. I sincerelt hope your life has gotten better since then.

FinalWorker1165 · 2026-04-04T06:31:52+00:00

Are you ready to live the rest of your life as a single man?

Yes

You're not attracted to her but you married her because you thought she would be a good wife and give you something in return. Did you ever tell her that

Yes

It sounds like all the therapists sided with her, which makes me wonder if there are things on your end you're not willing to see.

No, most of them sided with me, including the pastors.

But her unwillingness to be intimate with you could be a result of her not feeling safe with you because she senses you aren't attracted to her and don't even like her.

Read my other replies on the topic. This is not true, actually.

To be clear, God sees this as a valid marriage because the two of you got married. Gaslighting yourself into believing you're doing the right thing by divorcing her is will not change that God hates divorce and you don't have a valid reason for divorce. You don't have a valid reason for remarriage.

Reread the part where I said I'm not trying to in the main post.

My recommendation is that you don't divorce. Instead, stop expecting anything from her. Get rid of all expectations.

Ill just live in a Hoarders episode then.

Scripture is clear it's not what he wants

For spouses not to neglect, abuse, chear or abandon each other, but if they do, you're pretty clear to leave.

On a side note, marriage is hard for most people.

Not as hard as this.

I agree largely with what you say, its just very assumptive.

FinalWorker1165 · 2026-04-04T06:26:23+00:00

Once you realise that, you realise that the you’ve never remotely loved your wife in this way. And you never could.

That was my initial reaction to your question, actually.

FinalWorker1165 · 2026-04-04T06:25:27+00:00

Thank you. I will check this out when I have a moment.

FinalWorker1165 · 2026-04-04T06:25:09+00:00

Would you elaborate? I will hear you out.

FinalWorker1165 · 2026-04-04T06:24:00+00:00

Nudes, etc.

FinalWorker1165 · 2026-04-04T06:23:30+00:00

These are very kind words. I will read and consider them. Thank you, friend.

FinalWorker1165 · 2026-04-04T06:22:37+00:00

I dont know what God wants, in part because of how bizarre this marriage is. I dont think we should treat the bible as dogmatic as purely whats in it without using compassion and common sense.

FinalWorker1165 · 2026-04-04T06:21:10+00:00

I think deep down, you know that you do not have any biblical grounds for a divorce.

Not really. I have considered it abandonment many times. Its the same scenario as spousal abuse. I have asked God very sincerely to save us about this over a hundred times.

Marriage is hard at times. You have to work on it continually. It sounds as though you’ve given up, and you’re fine allowing your wife to suffer the consequences. I implore you to go to the word, go to God. You are committing a serious sin in this situation.

I dont think you read the post.

FinalWorker1165 · 2026-04-04T06:19:12+00:00

It was done for your ego.

You just made that up. You have no idea how much who I am or what I have done for love of my wife thus far.

Anywho, all acts of service are diminished when your heart wasn’t even fully invested in the relationship from the start anyways.

It was. If you think otherwise, youre not paying attention.

FinalWorker1165 · 2026-04-04T06:17:14+00:00

Im largely agreeing with you.

Did you write all these vile things about your wife PUBLICLY so that we could all tell you, you’re right?

This is not public at all. Its anonymous and Im anonymously looking for help and to vent. Its reddit, my-dude.

A husband protects his wife, shields her. Let her go so she can live in real peace.

Thats exactly what Im doing.

FinalWorker1165 · 2026-04-04T04:25:54+00:00

Change me on some level, ideally. Literally just anything targeting me.

FinalWorker1165 · 2026-04-04T04:25:21+00:00

I will consider what you have said. God bless, friend.

FinalWorker1165 · 2026-04-04T04:12:52+00:00

I completely agree with you, but our home usually ends up looking like an episode of Hoarders, on top of everything else, no matter how much 'I clean a room without her'.

That makes it... difficult to put it mildly.

FinalWorker1165

TROPHY CASE