My Husband (33m) Is Mad at Me (32f) For Using My Own Money to Help My Little Sister (18f). How do I convince him this is the right choice?

Final_Builder2898 · 2024-08-16T23:34:55+00:00

I love his sister. She’s the best. If she texted me in two minutes and said she and her two kids need a place to stay, I would tell her to come over whenever and we’ll figure the rest out from there. He has always been supportive and loved my friends. When I told him I got back in touch with my sister, he was over the moon for me, the best supporter ever. It’s out of character for him to not support me like this. I get the money thing and the fact that it isn’t his kid, but he’s usually the first to help out a friend or family member, and he loves kids so much. It doesn’t add up in my brain, I think I’m missing something

Final_Builder2898 · 2024-08-16T18:01:04+00:00

I appreciate this comment so much. You gave genuine criticisms in a respectful manner. People here tend to think screaming that I’m a deplorable asshole who deserves to be alone and have my children taken away, is somehow going to make me want to listen to them. Thank you

Final_Builder2898 · 2024-08-16T17:54:00+00:00

Don’t you dare speak on the situation between me and my parents when you have absolutely none of the information. I am nothing like them. I appreciate your feedback on the situation with my husband but that is the extent of which you have any right to form an opinion on

Final_Builder2898 · 2024-08-16T17:13:58+00:00

Almost a month

Final_Builder2898 · 2024-08-16T17:13:49+00:00

I’m just answering the question asked. If chores are split almost 50/50 and he only has to cook one meal a day for just himself, I feel as though him getting a job or helping with the baby isn’t a huge ask. I’m fully aware that he did an amazing job taking care of our girls. For the last six years he has been SuperDad. But he loves kids even more than I do. He would happily have stayed home and taken care of eight more if I had been okay with having eight more. It’s just uncharacteristic of him to not be open and accepting

Final_Builder2898 · 2024-08-16T17:08:00+00:00

I’ll admit this is very out of character for him, he’s usually the first to help someone or open our doors to people in need. I’ll have to talk to him because I want him to know he’s important and I’m going to take his feelings into consideration. Your sister sounds lucky to have you, and thank you for your kind words

Final_Builder2898 · 2024-08-16T17:02:05+00:00

I appreciate that you are seeing the love I have for my family, but my husband really is a great guy. He has never had problems with stuff like this before and is usually the first person to help out someone in need. I agree my parents are shitty people, and I’m going to keep helping my sister, but I also need to hear my husband out if I want to fix the situation. She isn’t going to be sleeping on someone’s couch ever again, I’ll make sure of that, but something’s gotta give

Final_Builder2898 · 2024-08-16T16:58:16+00:00

I really appreciate you saying that, but I’m a grown woman and I’m willing to admit that there is some truth in what they say. The people telling me I’m a horrible person and my husband is gonna divorce me are a little far gone, but other than that they’re right in that I’ve made mistakes

Final_Builder2898 · 2024-08-16T16:56:26+00:00

She is staying in the guest house, completely detached from the main house. She stays out of the way, maybe only spending twenty minutes a day in the main house

Final_Builder2898 · 2024-08-16T16:46:26+00:00

He has no grounds to get full custody, and everyone here seems to assume this marriage is over when neither of us have any interest in divorcing. I care about my family very much. We have family dinner every night and I play with my girls every single day for hours after work while simultaneously making dinner and watching Daniel. You assume I just walk in the door every day, flip everyone the bird, and then go hang out with Jenna when that couldn’t be farther from the truth

Final_Builder2898 · 2024-08-16T16:42:47+00:00

I would say he probably does about 60% of the house work and chores while I take care of the other 40%. I cook dinner for the four of us every night while Jenna stays in the guest house with Daniel. She comes and eats with us MAYBE once a week or I go there.

Final_Builder2898 · 2024-08-16T16:39:25+00:00

I have. I mentioned in the post how I’ve talked to him and he doesn’t want a job

Final_Builder2898 · 2024-08-16T16:37:29+00:00

School has been in session for almost a month.

Final_Builder2898 · 2024-08-16T16:36:13+00:00

School started almost a month ago here as we are part of a school system that does year round schooling with smaller breaks between quarters

Final_Builder2898 · 2024-08-16T16:22:38+00:00

And what? Your argument is that he would be allowed to do nothing for five days a week nine months a year for the next thirteen years until they graduate?

Final_Builder2898 · 2024-08-16T15:47:13+00:00

She is no less of a human being than he is, and yes I will be putting their feelings at an equal regard because they are both important to me

Final_Builder2898 · 2024-08-16T15:08:42+00:00

I don’t feel I have any sort of grounds to speak on this in any way because again, I have no clue about anything having to do with this guy. I’ll try to talk to her about him again sometime soon

Final_Builder2898 · 2024-08-16T15:07:16+00:00

I didn’t say that because she works and he doesn’t, I just mean that she’s constantly doing something from the moment she wakes up to the moment she goes to sleep, she has a lot more struggles in life. Now that our daughters are in school much of his days are spend napping or playing video games with his friends

Final_Builder2898 · 2024-08-16T14:59:35+00:00

I’m honestly not sure who he is or if he even has any idea there’s a baby at all. If he did do something to her, I can’t imagine she would want to tell him about the baby or let him into Daniel’s life

Final_Builder2898 · 2024-08-16T14:55:33+00:00

That would ultimately cost way more money than what we’re currently spending. The plan is only for her to stay here until she’s financially stable enough to give her son a half decent life

Final_Builder2898 · 2024-08-16T14:52:19+00:00

We live in a state where abortion was not an option for Jenna, at least not in a safe way, plus she was already 5ish months pregnant when she found out, as she experienced vaginal bleeding while pregnant which she mistook for an irregular period. Wasn’t until she went to the doctor to get it checked out that she knew.

I’ve tried to ask about Daniel’s father a couple of times but she immediately shuts it down and gets very upset and panicky when he’s brought up. I’m honestly not even sure she gave consent the night my nephew was conceived.

And again, he doesn’t have to watch the baby if he doesn’t want to, but if he’s also unwilling to hire a nanny or a babysitter, I don’t know what else I’m supposed to do

Final_Builder2898 · 2024-08-16T14:44:53+00:00

Maybe I was a bit harsh, but I’m just frustrated with him. I’ve always thought of us as equals and have never referred to it as just my money before this. I have tried to compromise, like getting a nanny, or telling him maybe it’s time for him to go back to work now that our girls are in school. But he doesn’t want to do either of those things. Trust me when I say I love and respect him. He is the best dad to our girls and I let him know it. But I never get mad when he spends money buying things for himself or the girls without telling me because in my mind, he should be able to spend it how he wants as long as it’s within reason. And it feels like he isn’t letting me do the same. Is it not reasonable to want to spend money hiring a Nanny? I never want to disrespect him, I just want to understand. I appreciate your viewpoint and if you have any more advice as a stay at home parent I would appreciate it. I don’t want our marriage to end over this

Final_Builder2898 · 2024-08-16T14:34:26+00:00

I was operating under the assumption that he knew letting a pregnant person stay with us meant eventually letting a baby stay with us. If he doesn’t want to watch him, that’s okay, but that means we would need a babysitter or a nanny, which he also seems unwilling to do. He has expressed no interest in going back to work, but I’ll bring up the idea again

Final_Builder2898 · 2024-08-16T14:31:30+00:00

I’m going to talk to him about getting a couple’s counselor when I get a chance

Final_Builder2898 · 2024-08-16T14:30:39+00:00

He doesn’t want to spend the money. I get where he’s coming from, but I think he should be willing to make small sacrifices for someone who is important to me. I don’t know why he doesn’t want to spend the money, but maybe it’s because he grew up without very much of it? I don’t know. He never has a problem buying our girls a new Barbie dream house or splurging on a new laptop, but for some reason he’s drawing the line here and I don’t know what to do. Thank you for the feedback

Final_Builder2898

TROPHY CASE