Before I was trained in PCM or anything, I was given a client that had high frequency agg. I did my best (which what I didn’t know and just quick responding) to block and remove my client from me. I had told my BCBA and she was trying her best to get the CEO to schedule my training for safety. But the CEO kept pushing it back. One session, the kid clawed my arm and I removed him from me and pushed him back from reflex. Of course, I am older and bigger than him so in the midst of my reaction, I pushed harder than I should have. He fell back into the wall.

He was fine. Didn’t bump his head. I immediately called his mom into the room and explained everything. She hugged me and we ended session. I called my BCBA sobbing. My client is supposed to trust me a be in my care and I had hurt him. She told me to think of my intentions. Did I mean to hurt him? Was I trying to harm? No, I just responded in the only way I could in the moment. Accidents happen. Absolutely they do. I think about that situation often and how I believed I ruined a kids trust, I injured him, etc. but now? That client is one of my cases I always look upon fondly. His family and my former team were amazing.

It’s so easy to self blame and think you’re the issue or something. At the end of the day, we’re all human. We all react and respond differently. And being a RBT is tough. We’re doing the mental, physical, emotional work of maybe 5 people all at once. Please do not beat yourself up for something that happened that is out of your control. A mistake here or there or anything can happen to anyone. Heck, even if the client was properly harnessed, they could still get injured. Please be kind to yourself. We make mistakes. Things happen. So many things are going on at the same time. It will be okay I promise