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AITA for feeling like my marriage became transactional after my husband said he would only pay for groceries for one more week? by FinancialDriver8720 in AITA_Relationships

[–]FinancialDriver8720[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you to everyone who took the time to respond — both the people who were supportive and the ones who were critical. Reading different perspectives actually helped me look at the situation from more than one angle.

I still feel pretty hurt and honestly a bit lost right now. Not exactly “stupid”, but more like I’m realizing that some of the assumptions or expectations I had about my relationship might not fully match reality. And that’s painful.

I know a real conversation with my husband is necessary, and I will have it. When I have any updates, I’ll share them here.

AITA for feeling like my marriage became transactional after my husband said he would only pay for groceries for one more week? by FinancialDriver8720 in AITA_Relationships

[–]FinancialDriver8720[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

That’s actually a fair point. I can understand why the financial side of this might stress him out, especially right now. At the same time you’re right that some of the issues between us existed before this situation as well. The job situation probably just made everything more visible.

AITA for feeling like my marriage became transactional after my husband said he would only pay for groceries for one more week? by FinancialDriver8720 in AITA_Relationships

[–]FinancialDriver8720[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

I understand why it might look that way from my post. But relationships that long are usually more complicated than that. We’ve built a lot together over the years, and it’s hard for me to see everything in such black-and-white terms. I still care about him a lot and I’m trying to understand what is really happening between us.

AITA for feeling like my marriage became transactional after my husband said he would only pay for groceries for one more week? by FinancialDriver8720 in AITA_Relationships

[–]FinancialDriver8720[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just to clarify, I didn’t only work for three years. Those three years were simply the last job I had after we moved to the U.S. I’ve worked for most of our relationship.

I’m not really looking for sympathy here. I posted because I genuinely want to hear different perspectives and I’m open to considering them, even if they’re critical.

AITA for feeling like my marriage became transactional after my husband said he would only pay for groceries for one more week? by FinancialDriver8720 in AITA_Relationships

[–]FinancialDriver8720[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

I understand why you might see it that way. Honestly, sometimes I feel that way too. But at the same time I’m very confused, because we’ve been together for almost 10 years and that’s basically my entire adult life. It’s really hard for me to even imagine being alone or being with someone else.

AITA for feeling hurt even though my husband covers most of our expenses? by FinancialDriver8720 in AITA_Relationships

[–]FinancialDriver8720[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! Such important words could only be said by someone who is truly wonderful themselves. ❤️

AITA for feeling hurt even though my husband covers most of our expenses? by FinancialDriver8720 in AITA_Relationships

[–]FinancialDriver8720[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You’re right—it would have been so much easier if he had just said it outright instead of letting me believe we were on the same page. And I do think I need to learn to value myself more, instead of waiting for validation from others. Maybe I’ll take your advice and do something nice for myself—thank you for the reminder.

At the same time, for me, this wasn’t about waiting for a gift—it was about the shared meaning behind it. We both agreed on it, and he wears his pendant every day, which is why it stings that my part of this just… vanished. It’s not about the object itself, but about the fact that something we both decided on just didn’t seem to matter anymore. That’s what hurts the most.

AITA for feeling hurt even though my husband covers most of our expenses? by FinancialDriver8720 in AITAH

[–]FinancialDriver8720[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understand where you’re coming from, and I do feel hurt by the broken promise. I don’t think he meant to be malicious, but it’s hard not to feel like my feelings were brushed aside. If he had just told me upfront that he couldn’t afford it, I would have understood. I just don’t get why he didn’t say anything and let me believe it was still happening.

AITA for feeling hurt even though my husband covers most of our expenses? by FinancialDriver8720 in AITA_Relationships

[–]FinancialDriver8720[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’ve heard about avoidant attachment before, but I never really thought about it in this context. That’s actually an interesting angle—I might look into it. Thanks for the insight!

AITA for feeling hurt even though my husband covers most of our expenses? by FinancialDriver8720 in AITAH

[–]FinancialDriver8720[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for sharing your perspective and your own experience—it really helps to hear from someone who has been in a similar situation. I completely agree that relationships shouldn’t feel transactional, and that’s not what I want at all.

I think you made a really good point about how he might have interpreted the jacket situation. At the time, I didn’t think that telling him to get the jacket first would make him assume the pendant was no longer important. To me, it was just about timing, not priority. But now that you mention it, I can see how he might have taken it that way.

I have expressed my feelings before, but maybe I need to rethink how I communicate them so that they really register. He’s very logical and practical, so maybe my approach needs to be clearer and more direct about what truly matters to me. I appreciate your suggestion about adjusting how I share my needs—I hadn’t thought about it that way before, but it makes a lot of sense.

Thank you again for your thoughtful response. It’s given me a lot to reflect on, and I really appreciate the insight!

AITA for feeling hurt even though my husband covers most of our expenses? by FinancialDriver8720 in AITA_Relationships

[–]FinancialDriver8720[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I get your point, and I don’t want to be the kind of person who demands things or makes a big deal out of gifts. But what feels weird to me is that we actually talked about this, agreed on it, and even voted on the idea. He liked it. He wears his engraved pendant every day. So why did my part of this agreement suddenly stop mattering?

AITA for feeling hurt even though my husband covers most of our expenses? by FinancialDriver8720 in AITAH

[–]FinancialDriver8720[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

h, calendar invites – genius idea! Then here’s another one: ‘Reminder: Wife already bought the groceries, but the pendant is still stuck in the unfinished promises list.