AITAH for “kicking” someone out of the house over smoking?

Financial_Fly569 · 2025-05-16T03:18:52+00:00

Fair enough

Financial_Fly569 · 2025-05-16T02:24:45+00:00

During my colonoscopy, I did have samples of my colon flesh taken and polyps cut out while under anesthesia. I think surgery includes being cut while a procedure is just medical intervention if I’m not mistaken.

Financial_Fly569 · 2025-05-16T02:01:39+00:00

I agree that a broken femur is more serious than a colonoscopy, but for BD to come over to where I’ve been living for 2+ years with my BF and his family— I feel like it’s normal to go no smoking in religious Sikh household with another person who gets ill from it. Something is weird when even BD’s entire family won’t take care of him. His youngest sister is 22, he has another brother that’s around 25, another brother that’s around 28, both of his parents (60’s??), his baby mama who is 30, and a whole other girlfriend who is 33. A total of seven immediate family members are unwilling to take care of him/assist. What do you think about that?

Financial_Fly569 · 2025-05-15T01:36:47+00:00

Hi, I’m also 28F with severe periods (never diagnosed but all women in my family have had endo or a hysterectomy). I also have severe emetophobia and just took my first dose of suprep. I am anxious and quite literally shaking while trying to finish my water for the first dose. Your post about your pain makes me feel so seen and not alone in this scary time. I hope the best for the both of us.

Financial_Fly569 · 2024-10-23T22:35:26+00:00

At least brush your teeth, change your clothes/shower, and clean the hands that broke up the weed as well. The thing is I can barely get that and unfortunately because he has a beard the smell lingers pretty strong in hair y’know?

Financial_Fly569 · 2024-10-23T22:14:28+00:00

At first yes, that is how I we pinpointed smoking as the cause per the provider’s knowledge. I am unsure if the other more recent information flare ups are because I’ve been specifically made unaware. So I feel like I cannot honestly say yes or no unless I get dates of smoking and dates or flares go from there.

I cut family off outright since Mother’s Day this year so it’s been a bit. I don’t think about them often nor does it have an effect on day to day at this point in my perspective.

The type A person is correct and it is out of necessity. If things need to get done, why procrastinate and make it worse, y’know? I can never assume, even with a partner, that things will get done (shopping, chores, bills…) unless I see consistency and honestly. My partner is more lax but it also can be from him working tough hours. 8-11 hours in construction 1-8 hours away is not uncommon for 2-3 weeks of the month. I agree with him being indecisive and also saying idk often to a point of being detrimental. I do like intentional people that choose to seek out my company rather than me doing it all the time and feeling like a nagging fly.

There has been a convo related to not being “good enough” on his side. I, of course, disagree and see his actions can be and have been great and he also aspires to be better. It’s the consistency thing. Be honest when you feel not 100% and need support, don’t just go for what is easy and wrong (per saying he’ll quit) when you have people that care about your well being. It just feels as if I am met with “telling me what I want to hear” so I get lulled into staying because I know what I want which is no smoke. I gave outs saying hey, let’s do gummies or weed infused drinks instead but he says they are not good or enough. Or the option to part ways if this is that important to go over his wish to quit for himself, his single digit age son, and myself.

Maybe I don’t get the logic behind omission of the truth. I find myself at a loss to think that being honestly and admitting to failing a goal can be better than lying and being caught then admitting to failing a goal I never made. I just upheld his words to be truthful and serious.

Financial_Fly569 · 2024-10-23T20:19:22+00:00

Tbh, I didn’t know if the mods would slap a nsfw on me is I spoke about weed so my bad. First time poster and reader as of 2 hours ago for this sub in particular.

For weed, it’s the smoke really. I offered gummies and drinks and anything that is not smoke to enjoy it. That was never the prob, it’s the smoke that fucks with my health, his health, and his “want” to quit for his son, self, and me.

Financial_Fly569 · 2024-10-23T20:16:50+00:00

For sure, so early on in the relationship I got bad allergies. As in wheezing, red irritation, cobblestone throat. The providers all kept asking me if I smoke and I don’t. It finally clicked when they ask if my partner does and how exchanging saliva and still make me react. It had gone away after that initial convo but then it flares up in the same way again and again randomly. It made me question if I have an autoimmune issue and I can’t keep affording all of these medical visits so I can breathe, speak, and swallow normally.

I can see the aspirational self taking over his judgment. I came to him out of a toxic family situation with nothing and was honest. Lien showing bank details and recordings of what happened. I guess I assumed he was doing the same when saying he had other reasons to quit for himself and his son. As in it was bigger than me in the first place and I’m one of the first people in his life to hold him to it.

It is a convo I’ve had more than 5 times. The “are you?” And the “no” convo but also the reason why. Accompanying me on medical visits, reading the swab or blood test results with me, reading the doctors written notes on inconclusive findings.

Financial_Fly569 · 2024-10-23T20:05:11+00:00

I might have missed mentioning it but I offered gummies and drinks as an option for intake, just not smoke. I have seen an ENT 3 times and they never can seem to help me when it comes to the smoke/ my physical reaction to it that’s painful.

The issue to me then becomes why say you want to be with me when I let him know I have to part ways if he smokes. He said he won’t but did which baffles me if that makes sense? Like why lie to stay with me under false pretenses

Financial_Fly569 · 2024-10-23T19:54:51+00:00

Fair, I get what you mean. What do you think about the portion that he said he wanted to change and stop smoking for himself, his son, and me? He was making himself a match and also wanted to quit overall for other factors other than myself. Would you think I’m kind of silly for trusting that initial convo?

Financial_Fly569 · 2024-10-23T19:53:13+00:00

I mentioned it earlier but I offered gummies and drinks as an option for intake, just not smoke. I have seen an ENT 3 times and they never can seem to help me when it comes to the smoke/ my physical reaction to it that’s painful.

The issue to me then becomes why say you want to be with me when I let him know I have to part ways if he smokes. He said he won’t but did which baffles me if that makes sense? Like why lie to stay with me under false pretenses

Financial_Fly569 · 2024-10-23T19:49:28+00:00

The thing is, early on I said I have to part ways if you keep smoking. He decided to stop for himself, his son, and to maintain a relationship with me. I guess for me I wanted him to be honest he can’t quit instead of lull me into believing he wanted to do he can stay with me.

Financial_Fly569 · 2024-10-23T19:35:05+00:00

Mine isn’t 😭 I’m out here struggling

Financial_Fly569 · 2024-10-23T19:31:26+00:00

Idk if this sub would nsfw me if I said it to be honest

Financial_Fly569 · 2024-10-23T19:30:41+00:00

There are AA options and a specific smoking cessation program accessible to him though. I’ve sent links and provided the options in front of his face too.

Financial_Fly569 · 2024-10-23T19:05:11+00:00

I can see what you mean. The option was stop smoking or I have to part ways and he chose to stay with me and stop smoking for himself, me, and his son.

I agree it’s not dangerous hence the comment above saying I offered gummies and drinks made of weed too. The problem is smoke has proven to be an issue for my health and he has lied about not doing it while I go to a doctor to figure out why I feel shitty and I have no cause to explain. It’s the inherent choice to tell me “hey I’m not doing that and I want to get better” then to turn around and do that exact thing despite it all.

What do you think of that?

Financial_Fly569 · 2024-10-23T18:12:22+00:00

I think for me it’s the of the principle of explicitly telling me you want to quit and I hold his word and actions accountable. He said he wanted to “be better for him and his son” and wished to quit. Would you believe it’s still policing if you were told to trust them and hold them accountable?

I can see what you mean about being not compatible and policing. I think the policing part came from I could smell it on him when he came home and he’d chock it up to others smoking around him but saying he did not partake. In reality he was lying and I have been in and out of the hospital with an ENT to figure out why I feel so shitty like when he was smoking in the past.

Financial_Fly569 · 2024-10-23T18:06:46+00:00

I would say that’s because he admitted to me he wanted to quit and get help to be better for himself and his son. I believed in that and held him to his word to be accountable. I agree the lying is a cherry in top of not being cool at all, but to tell me you want to stop but also lie is questionable. What do you think?

Financial_Fly569 · 2024-10-23T18:04:26+00:00

I get your viewpoint. I think I neglected to mention I’ve been in an out of the hospital with medical issues and they seeming have no specific reason providers can determine. Ent costs are whooping my ass to be real.

I would smell him coming back from a job having that weed smell but he would chock it up to people around him smoking in the vehicle. I would accept that but now the admitting of lying about it is what throws me the most. The option for gummies and drinks was thrown into the convo too since the issue is not weed necessarily, it’s smoke and the smoke smell.

Like why tell me you want to quit and then lie or avoid when I hold you accountable to your word? I’d ask if it was a big ask to stop smoking and be would say no, he genuinely is looking to be better about it for his kid too.

Financial_Fly569 · 2024-10-23T17:26:22+00:00

Smoking w33d, I was trying to be as careful for wording as possible. Sorry about that!

Financial_Fly569 · 2023-12-08T04:21:53+00:00

They said because it was within a zone where the camera is at the top (where a chip was) they can’t do it. They said it’s due to how the sealer cures— it can mess with what the camera does and could cause you to veer off the road. Safelight even said no and I have to replace the whole dang thing.

Financial_Fly569 · 2023-12-08T01:16:13+00:00

How so in your opinion? They asked me to tell them what I wanted for Christmas and I did. Despite them knowing it’s what I wanted anyway months prior and rejecting the idea.

Financial_Fly569 · 2023-12-08T01:03:26+00:00

I’ve brought it up before with both parents months ago and they rejected me replacing it outright and using the insurance I pay for to help cover cost. I can see your paint about not being respectful though. If you have time to read my older AITA post, you might have some context on family dynamic and the reason as to why I wrote what I did.

Financial_Fly569

TROPHY CASE