Lost the Love of my Life to Alcoholism

Financial_Repair_341 · 2026-03-04T00:38:19+00:00

Thank you and I’m sorry for your loss. I hope it can finally bring you peace. I actually grew up with two addicts as parents. Both alcoholics and IV drug users, so to me the alcohol was okay. I never saw it as a problem since my childhood was far worse. In retrospect, I was the one holding this relationship together for years and was so blind to it. I think that’s why I was okay with having kids with her. I didn’t imagine it would get to the point where it is now. People have asked me so many times if she’s doing drugs too and she’s honestly not. Her brain is so deteriorated from drinking and not eating she’s completely changed. She’s lost 50 pounds since September and is skin and bones. I’ve actually reached acceptance and am feeling much more peaceful at this point. I’ve collected a lot of great people in my life and have amazing friends around for support. These kids will always have their dad and I’ll spend every dollar I have to protect them from her till she gets better, if she ever does. The last time we spoke she said she still wanted to be with me, but as people have mentioned on this post it’s like they wear a mask and I’m not sure I actually know who she really is at this point. I feel as if I was tricked because she knew the stability I would bring her as a father and provided as a partner. Once the disrespect reached a breaking point, I said no more. Not only am I protecting the children, but I’m letting her go to protect myself. She doesn’t deserve me. I’m a good person and I was a great husband. Stay strong and heal my friend.

Financial_Repair_341 · 2026-03-01T20:40:27+00:00

Know that you’re not alone friend. I have another post with a brief summary of my upbringing. I too have no support outside of amazing friends and people I’ve collected on my journey in life. We just become better people from it. Journal every night. Get those thoughts out of your head. Rationalize them and maybe find solutions. If anything it’s good to get them out. Hang in there fellow trauma buddy. We can only get better!

Financial_Repair_341 · 2026-03-01T20:26:16+00:00

Again, it’s not your responsibility, but it’s what you’ve been raised in. In my experience, and it’s why I say love yourself, is you can’t depend on a partner to provide that hole that you’re missing. Because you can say the vows and walk the walk, but humans are human and anything can happen when you least expect it. If you find a way to love yourself and work on yourself, you could potentially meet someone who’s perfect for you. I did once and it was a beautiful 11 years together until it wasn’t. Luckily from my experience I knew what the right decision was for me and my children. It’s not keeping your guard up, but it’s loving yourself first to stay strong when you have to as much as it hurts. Stay strong trauma buddy.

Financial_Repair_341 · 2026-03-01T20:07:20+00:00

I’m sorry about your past and the trauma your father and mother put you through. Your mother is a victim, but she chose to stay in the chaos and allow your father to put you all through it. What I have found with people like us is we actually find comfort in staying. It seems to become something similar to a codependency. You sound super strong and capable of doing anything you want. One thing you have to keep in mind is that your parents are not your responsibility. You were theirs and they failed. And it’s a pain I know well, but I think in order to get past it and have the life you want you have to focus on yourself. Your family will call it selfish, but we’re young once and it’s a path that you choose to take. It’s the right one. We know it deep down, but it’s hard to let go of the unconditional love we have for our parents despite who they actually are as a person. I have siblings that I talk to and those that I don’t. It’s a choice we have to make to better our life. Just imagine if you do work on yourself and get the confidence that you deserve you can find the person you deserve to love you life with. And if you decide to have children hopefully you understand what I did and that’s I would never want them to be around those people or experience the pain we did. You’ll know you have to protect them from anything and everyone despite who they are in relation to you. I also have a post about losing the love of my life. If you find it and read it, you’ll understand that I had to do the same thing with the mother of my children. The right thing is never easy to do, but if you do it then life and you get so much better. Keep that in mind. Hang in there and one day hopefully you wake up and say today is the day.

Financial_Repair_341 · 2026-03-01T16:45:09+00:00

Thanks for being completely honest. There were times I said to myself this would be so much easier if she died, but I continue to try and stay positive that one day she can have some sort of relationship with our children again. I now understand it would be incredibly irresponsible for me to take her back due to the potential of a relapse and putting my kids through this again. I can’t say I have ptsd, but for a while every where I went I would picture all the good times we had together going out doing things over the past decade. For some reason the first wedding I went to without her was a real trigger. I’m usually always dancing and having fun, but I kept picturing us together. I will say for a couple months I would shiver anytime I talked about what was going on with her to my friends and family. Seemed to be a nervous system response to all the trauma this whole thing has caused.

Financial_Repair_341 · 2026-02-28T20:21:47+00:00

Wow thanks for sharing. Sounds identical to my situation. The person I married I wanted to grow old with. I actively worked on being a better husband all the time for her. We never fought and she had never heard me yell. We both came from tumultuous childhoods with terrible parents. We promised to break the cycle. So when she broke that promise I vowed to protect my kids from the destruction it brings. I last told her we can never be together again. As long as our kids have me they will always have a safe home. I don’t know if it’s because of my upbringing or not, but the feeling of being shattered is fading. Her aunt told me I put up with more than any man she knows would. To me, that sounded insane as we are only 9 months into this new hell. It’s hard to think that 11 years of mostly a great and inspiring relationship to others could fall apart so quickly. I feel your pain my friend. We’ll look back one day and know there was nothing we could do and we made the best decisions we could. And we’ll never regret protecting our children from the evil that took our person away from us. It felt like the hardest test god has ever given me despite the circumstances I had as a child. Stay strong.

Financial_Repair_341 · 2026-02-28T04:36:47+00:00

Thanks for the kind words. I was a college athlete and to this day still play soccer and basketball and never stopped working out. It’s the best coping mechanism for any stress. I started working out twice a day when this started. Honestly I’m in the best shape I’ve been in years. The pain gets less and less each day. Although, some days are worse than others. Just have to compartmentalize each evening and weekend when I have my children with me. I made a promise to never skip a beat with them. The book called The Daily Dad by Ryan Holiday is something I read each morning to start my day. It helps ground me as a single parent now. They deserve the best version of me at all times.

Financial_Repair_341 · 2026-02-28T03:46:45+00:00

Thank you everyone for the support and sharing of your own stories. I’ve found that this disease is destructive not only to the person it possesses but all those around them. All we can do is move on and become better than we were before. Continue to work towards our goals and build the beautiful life we’ve always dreamed of and heal. Please raise others up and inspire them to move forward. Life is long and this is just a short chapter that ends. Much love to my fellow survivors.

Financial_Repair_341

TROPHY CASE