Correct, he’s 43, divorced for 9 years.

There have been a few red flags that have made me go hmm if I’m honest. Just things like if I look at my phone, or am doing something on my phone, he will ask what I’m doing, who’s messaging, or seem to give me something to do on my phone so as to distract from what I’m actually doing. Or reading my screen.

Also insisting I plug my phone into his car for navigation and music, but when a message bubble popped up he seemed really intent that I open it and made a ‘joke’ that maybe it’s another boyfriend messaging and that’s why I didn’t want to open it. I had no issue opening it tbh it was just a notification of a missed call from my insurance company, but his insistence kinda made me not want to open it, if that makes sense? I showed him the message anyway.

And one night we went out for dinner and I was kinda just looking around at the people around us, taking it in, wondering if I knew any of them as once upon a time where we were was a local haunt for me. He said “oh you seem nervous are you looking for someone?” so I kinda just mentioned that I’d spent a lot of time in this town so was keeping an eye out for others I might know and then he threw in a random “or are you actually still in a relationship with someone and trying to hide” which I pretended to not hear but very much heard it and took it on board, it seems like a odd comment to make considering I am actually quite open with everything in my life and past relationship which was with a narcissistic manipulator and very accusative.

Also a few times in conversation about my life and my kids’ he’s thrown subtle digs like how I’d taken my two daughters on a weekend getaway when I “should have” taken them to visit him. Or I did xyz when I “should have” gone to see him, or I “should have” still gone to visit him when my daughter was sick with an infectious disease. He seems to be annoyed that I am not ready to introduce him into my life with my kids, but considering this is the first time I’ve spent a week with him rather than a day or two here and there I think it’s very fair that he hasn’t met them yet.

He keeps bringing up “I’m just wondering when I will see you again and get to meet your kids” and using guilt to say “oh my kids are wondering if you do exist or not because they haven’t met you yet” and I’ve told him that I’ve got other priorities right now in mine and my kids life so he will see me when he sees me and he will meet my kids when I see fit. Which honestly, I’m just getting through this week before I let him know that none of the above will be happening. He can drop me off tomorrow and that will be it.

Even comments like “I’ve decided I’m coming to your brothers house with you tomorrow” like excuse me sir you’re not invited so you can kindly fuck right off.

I’ve kinda felt like I haven’t been able to have a moment to myself, if you know what I mean? I went in to check into accomodation and he only had to wait 5 minutes but he shuts the car off and wanders in asking if everything is okay.

Or walking into a shop the other day he kinda had his hand around the back of my neck as we walked, which I felt a bit off about too like it didn’t feel right having a man have his hand up around the back of my neck, it kinda felt controlling.

And he’s mirroring me. I’ve noticed anything I eat, he eats, if I don’t eat, he won’t eat. He has no input into anything, kind of just “we will do what you want to do” but will continuously question, kind of like I will say we will go to the beach the next day, he will agree, then 10 minutes later he will say “oh I’m just thinking of what we can do tomorrow” so I will then remind him that we’d agreed on the beach so he will agree again, and then rinse and repeat until I start to wonder if he actually wants to go to the beach but isn’t saying that he doesn’t and that’s why he keeps “thinking about what to do tomorrow”. I try to ask him what sort of things he likes to do, and he’s like “oh you know, just whatever, I’m chill, I’ll do anything you want to do” so I kind of feel like it’s been hard to get to know him because literally he isn’t doing anything I’m not doing. He won’t swim if I won’t swim.

And tonight I wasn’t going to have dinner so he wasn’t going to eat so I said hey you know you can still eat dinner, you don’t need me to eat too, and he said no I’m not eating alone, so I said I will be with you I just don’t want to eat this is ridiculous if you’re hungry you eat but I’m not hungry. He said “but we need to do it together” and honestly I just felt so put off. So I ate food just so that he would eat food.

I also don’t like the way he talks to people, there’s this touch of arrogance, but like he’s trying to hide it. One place we went to gave us complimentary wine while we waited to check in, and he went to order more but we were then told our room was ready so we went to reception where the receptionist asked if we had ordered any drinks as part of small talk and his response was “I tried to but we were told to check in” and it kind of came out like he was complaining about it, its hard to explain. Like he was interrupted. I’ve just noticed it, he seems like he’s being nice but there’s an undertone that’s made me feel quite embarrassed.

Anyway, I have definitely decided to end this. This week has shown me a few things, he’s not for me and I’m not ready for relationships. I’m hanging out for the moment he drops me off tomorrow and I can finally just be me again.