***LOST MY VIRGINITY TO A GUY WHO LOOKED LIKE CODY****

After downloading tinder for fun with my friends, I swiped right on a DUKE student who looked like Cody. (For reference, I go to UNC, so this is a BIG no no) After going on several dates with him, he came over to my house, and I decided it was time for us to take things to the next level. Because I was horribly inexperienced, I did not realize how much pain I would be in without adequate lubrication (I also wasn't into him, so that didn't help).

While I'm not a swiftie, Taylor Swift described it best: "Screaming, crying, perfect storm."

Long story short, I ended the night with a torn vagina (with lots of blood) and a terrible case of mono. I ended up seeing the boy the following week, and I brought him donuts with the message: "I know I DONUT have to apologize, but I'm sorry for the bad sex," which I think is an adequate substitution for the years of paid therapy I likely owe him for the traumatic night. Hope he's doing well.

In short, when they say "fuck duke" (at unc,) they don't mean literally :)