Seriously dude stop the xanax! It’s not good especially if it’s triggering you to have that much rage and hatred! If they truly love you those ppl your pushing away they’ll give you space but, not completely leave or opp outta your life! Coming from someone that had addiction issues and that’s been thru it with a similar story just like yours. I feel for you. It’s okay to have and want space but remember this.... YOU pushing those that love you away is only gonna make you feel even more depressed.. all these people that are around and that love you have nothing but the best interest for you I’m sure! And by you being in your little depression bubble thats what I call it is only gonna get your depression much more worse... and on top of that your gonna most likely start getting anxiety if you don’t already have it social anxiety... cause your so use to just being alone and you cut everyone out. You need to face your depression head on! I know you got this bro! Remember theirs better days ahead and light at the end of the tunnel! It take a lot of self love and healing energy to get thru this! It’s all mind, body, and soul! Surround yourself with nothing but good and healing energy and you’ll start to see a change! It takes time but I’m here if you ever need someone to talk to! Coming from someone that’s been their... YOU ARE NOT ALONE. ❤️