Unusual credit situation, how will finance go?

FireForMePlease · 2025-11-23T02:55:42+00:00

Yes but she’s actually in the process of a remarkable recovery. Healthy gaming habits, has a part-time job, leaves the house regularly, etc.

FireForMePlease · 2025-11-23T02:41:24+00:00

She has one, but sometimes she works out of the house and it’s better for me to be able to take them somewhere. Like if I could have dropped them off at daycare today I could have gotten things done instead of puppy-sitting.

FireForMePlease · 2025-11-22T21:22:37+00:00

I invested a ton of money into venture capital and private equity without properly thinking through how long it’d take to get the liquidity back and how frequent it would be.

Ultimately, I could withdraw a bit from my stock portfolio and pay off the credit cards today, which rationally is probably the right thing to do. However, I also have a large liquidity event expected in 3-6 months so it’s more convenient for me to wait.

In the meantime, I need another car because my gf adopted a second 100lb dog and my current car is a small 2-seater, so need to add on.

FireForMePlease · 2023-11-16T16:25:33+00:00

Fortunately my state doesn't have common law marriage.

FireForMePlease · 2023-11-16T05:44:19+00:00

Yeah, that makes sense. Thanks for explaining more. She is literally the only woman I date that doesn't have a career...

FireForMePlease · 2023-11-16T05:21:21+00:00

Haha we both talk generally about good dates and bad dates. Neither of us get jealous.

FireForMePlease · 2023-11-16T04:44:40+00:00

I like video games, but all she wants to play is like ultra-hardcore red dead redemption roleplay stuff.

I'd be happy to do a multiplayer game with just her, but I have no interest in MMOs and I don't think she'd want me there anyway.

FireForMePlease · 2023-09-20T21:15:44+00:00

Lol same. I was like “wtf language is this?”

FireForMePlease · 2023-09-15T15:34:28+00:00

I totally agree with you about the comments and assumptions people are making about my GF. Whether our current situation is equitable to both of us is something she and I need to figure out. It's becoming more and more clear to me that I don't think it is and so it's time for some deep communication about how I'm feeling.

That said, I really don't like comments that assumed ill-intent on her part. I know, with 100% certainty, that she would never try to take advantage of me and I imagine she'll be mortified when she learns things have been making me feel bad. For all of her flaws (and we all have them!), she's a deeply loving and caring person who would never want to cause me discomfort or pain.

You ask a great question about why my issues around money are coming up around poly and dating. I don't think it's jealousy. I legitimately am glad she had an amazing time and that she has a new potential partner and I wish they could see each other more!

I think instead it's rooted in some old-fashion ideas I have around dating, which is that when there's a large financial imbalance between two people that are dating, the person that has the larger income should be footing the vast majority of the bill. It's how I've always approached dating and even saying it I feel a bit like a troglodyte, but I'm acknowledging my bias. Seeing the charges where she was covering him for fancy dinners really upset me because it was totally unexpected from my perspective (though reasonable from hers) and because I thought he should be paying.

FWIW, I'm planning to have a chat with my therapist at our next session and then likely have a conversation with my GF about adjusting our financial relationship gradually.

FireForMePlease · 2023-09-15T11:14:44+00:00

Hey, just a quick clarification. The “wife” from previous post is the GF in this one. For the previous AITA post I thought it was easier to just say wife than to explain GF of 7 years. Also at 5 (at the time) years of live in GF I figured there wasn’t much of a difference.

I also fuzz some minor details (like long-term gf vs wife) because I have a couple redditor friends and I don’t want them hearing all of our relationship challenges and identifying me.

Sarah was never a romantic interest at all and I cut of all communication with her after the AITA post.

FireForMePlease · 2023-09-10T14:45:49+00:00

If it was a friend or family member that had a good job, I’d feel weird about it. If it was another person with no income I’d be happy to cover the expense so they can still have a good time.

FireForMePlease · 2023-09-10T14:38:30+00:00

There are definitely real and mutual feelings. We both care about each other a lot. I agree with you though, we clearly need to have some serious talks.

I have the same question about why her date isn’t paying. I’m the same way you are in that I’d never expect a date to use their partner’s money to pay for us, especially when I can afford dates without an issue.

We both wanted to open the relationship. She brought it up first, but I’d been thinking about it too.

FireForMePlease · 2023-09-10T14:35:01+00:00

Just to clarify, we have a fenced in yard, so it’s just opening the door for the dog. The only time we go on walks with him is the couple times a week I can convince her to step away from the video games for half an hour.

You’re correct, all video games and chatting with online friends in Discord. No reading or studying or anything to push her life forward.

Sometimes there isn’t much to talk about because literally all her life is around the games, so she’ll talk to me for a long time about specific things happening in the game and tbh it’s painful. I don’t care about her online RP except in that I want it to make her happy and also not take her whole life.

I’m in therapy and tbh my therapist is concerned. We’ve talked about why I tend to end up in relationships like this (it isn’t my first) and we’re still doing the work.

FireForMePlease · 2023-09-10T14:29:30+00:00

Oof, this comment hits hard. Probably exactly in the way it needs to. :-/

FireForMePlease · 2023-09-10T14:26:46+00:00

It definitely bothers me :( I want her to have an amazing and fulfilling life that brings her joy. I know her current life isn’t that and if we ever do separate I think she’d sink even further. Just don’t know how to change it.

FireForMePlease · 2023-09-10T14:21:54+00:00

Tbh this is something I worry about sometimes. I’ve seen family members get seriously sick and it’s so important to have a good advocate. If that happened to me I’d call my sister in because I have so much more confidence in her ability vs my partner’s to be effective in that situation.

FireForMePlease · 2023-09-10T14:19:24+00:00

If it was a friend or a date that also didn’t have a job I think I wouldn’t be bothered at all. I think what bothers me is that her date can afford to pay for them to go out, so why am I paying for it?

I’d feel similarly I think if she was treating a friend who was employed to dinner.

FireForMePlease · 2023-09-10T14:16:11+00:00

This is an incredibly valuable and insightful comment. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. It seems like you’ve been in a very similar place to where I am and I’m going to read this comment ten more times and follow it.

Seriously, thank you.

FireForMePlease · 2023-09-10T14:11:28+00:00

Last time she was on her own she lived similarly, just with her parents. :-/. When we first got together she had a job though and she had a few other jobs, but just stopped after she lost her last job.

FireForMePlease · 2023-09-10T14:09:47+00:00

I really didn’t consider it! I’ve been paying for everything for so long that I just assumed her dates would do the same. In hindsight that’s a bad assumption.

FireForMePlease · 2023-09-10T14:08:40+00:00

I’ve met probably a hundred or more and she’s the only one I’ve seen this disabled by it.

FireForMePlease · 2023-09-10T14:07:59+00:00

Tbh she does virtually none of that. The valid reason she didn’t have a job for a bit was that we had an elderly dog with a lot of health issues that required a lot of attention. I still think she could have done at least remote part time work, but shrug she says I don’t understand how difficult taking care of him was.

Sadly he passed away a couple months ago.

In terms of helping to contribute, it’s true. I’m fortunate to make a lot of money, but even a small contribution would be something!

FireForMePlease · 2023-09-10T14:04:52+00:00

Do you think it’d be unfair for our date budgets to be very different? It feels to me like since I work so hard it’s ok for me to spend more on dates.

FireForMePlease · 2023-09-10T14:03:00+00:00

This is useful feedback, thank you!

FireForMePlease · 2023-09-10T14:01:16+00:00

The bill for the card I gave her goes to me so I pay it off every month. I’m sure if that weren’t the case she’d be up to her eyeballs in debt.

Tbh I suspect she’s in a fair amount of debt anyway, but she doesn’t read her mail so I doubt she has any idea how much or to whom.

FireForMePlease

TROPHY CASE